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“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#1 Jun 27, 2012
DEAR ABBY: My husband, who is 53, talks often about his college days when he smoked marijuana. I tried it once and didn't like it. Over the past several years he has started smoking it again.

I have told him I don't approve, but he says he does it only occasionally "to take the edge off." Many times he has smoked when we're out on bike rides, on road trips or a Sunday drive. It makes me feel like he needs to be high in order to have a good time with me.

I tried compromising by asking him not to do it when we are together. He agreed, but he doesn't keep his word. He does it thinking I don't know what he's up to.

I have noticed that he is becoming forgetful and is sometimes unable to understand information. Is this a midlife crisis he's going through? How do I get him to stop?-- MRS. POTHEAD IN WINONA, MINN.

DEAR MRS. POTHEAD: It's not a midlife crisis. I'm told that the grass that's available today is far stronger than when your hubby smoked it in college.

Your husband may be becoming forgetful and unable to process information because he's smoking pot a lot, or because of a neurological problem. Because marijuana slows reaction time, he should not be driving while under the influence, and you shouldn't be riding with him.

Since you can't convince him to stop, you could benefit from visiting a support group for families and friends of individuals who are addicted to drugs, because marijuana is one, and it appears your husband has become addicted.

P.S. Of course, marijuana is also illegal.

DEAR ABBY: "Jerry," my husband, has been sending pictures of himself to online dating sites, advertising for a personal relationship with the so-called "right woman."

I feel this is a betrayal of our marriage vows and that it's cheating. He claims he's "just looking" at what's out there.

My concern is, why is he looking in the first place? All I get from him is "I love you" and "I want to be with you." I have seen these dating sites, and I feel hurt and betrayed. Am I wrong to feel this way, or should I believe what he says about harmless fun?-- BROKEN-HEARTED LIBRA, LOUISVILLE, KY.

DEAR LIBRA: Your instincts are right on the money. You have every right to feel betrayed, hurt and cheated on because your husband's words don't match his actions. What he's doing is not "harmless fun"; it is a danger to your marriage. Do not tolerate it. Run, don't walk, to a marriage counselor. If your husband won't go with you, go alone because your marriage could depend upon it.

DEAR ABBY: I was divorced 20 years ago and have two children from my marriage. My ex-husband was black and I am Caucasian. Over the years, when I've discussed my children or showed photos of them, people have asked me if they are "mixed," if they have the same father and if I was married to their father. I presume that some folks assume interracial marriage indicates a lack of good judgment, giving rise to further inappropriate questions.

I would love a good, snappy comeback to those questions without stooping to their level of rudeness. I have tried, "Why would you ask me that?" and got even more questions. Any advice or help you could give would be great.-- TAKEN ABACK IN INDIANA

DEAR TAKEN ABACK: Rather than a snappy comeback, why not simply answer "yes" to all three of those questions and end the conversation?

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#2 Jun 27, 2012
"I presume that some folks assume interracial marriage indicates a lack of good judgment...."

That LW3 phrases her question this way says a great deal more about her own mindset than it does about the people who are asking the question.

Abby's answer is good

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#3 Jun 27, 2012
L1: Your husband is smoking pot ALL THE TIME. I promise you. The forgetfulness doesn't happen with someone who smokes occasionally, IME. I think it's lousy that he smokes when he's going to be with you, when you've asked him not to (because I think you've been rather accommodating of this habit).

The mental addiction has taken hold. Can you live with that?

L2: Too late for counseling. DTMFA. He's already looking for a soft landing.

L3: I think you're exaggerating. Mixed-race marriages/relationships and biracial children are so commonplace, I highly doubt you're asked that much about whether they're mixed race or whatever.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#4 Jun 27, 2012
LW1: "It makes me feel like he needs to be high in order to have a good time with me."
Hint hint.

"I'm told that the grass that's available today is far stronger than when your hubby smoked it in college."
I just get a kick out of Abby referring to it as "grass". What is this, 1977?

"P.S. Of course, marijuana is also illegal."
OH MY GOD!!! WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN!??!??!

LW2: WTF? Are you that devoid of self esteem that you even have to question what's going on or ask Abby? He flat out said he's looking to see what's out there.

LW3: " Oh,I was never married to their father. I was a dirty whore who jumped from one black c*ck to another."

When their jaw drops...

"Why the look? I figured that's what you wanted to hear since you could not seem to fathom the idea that we could be a normal married couple that didn't work out otherwise you would not have asked such stupid questions. Run along now before you miss the start of the next klan meeting."

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#5 Jun 27, 2012
L1: He's a jerk, and/or an addict. And STOP letting him smoke in the car with you, for goodness sake. YOUR ass can go to jail for that shiz (right?) if you get pulled over.

L2: Now this one's definitely a jerk. Married people don't keep tabs on "what's out there" and he clearly thinks you're stupid if you buy that. And maybe you are.

L3: Tonka - HAHAHAHAHA!!!

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Melrose Park, IL

#6 Jun 27, 2012
1- Pot is not addictive. He smokes it because he enjoys it. And what do you mean you tried it once but "didn't like it?" EVERYBODY likes it! Get off his back.

2- Wow, are you really so stupid and clueless?

3- I seriously believe this is a manufactured problem in your head. Get over yourself.

“I looked, and behold,”

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#7 Jun 27, 2012
LW1: He's 53 and will probably do what he wants.

LW2: <face palm> Are you really this dumb?

LW3: Tell them, "I like my coffee black, just like my men."

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#8 Jun 27, 2012
j_m_w wrote:
L1: He's a jerk, and/or an addict. And STOP letting him smoke in the car with you, for goodness sake. YOUR ass can go to jail for that shiz (right?) if you get pulled over.
Not in Hawaii or California. You can be pulled over for speeding and have a lit joint sitting in plain site (like resting on the ash tray), and from my friends have experience, nothing will happen. The cops in those states don't care, so long as they think you're driving okay. Example: ONe friend was speeding on the mountain roads in San Bernardino County (up in the hills east of L.A.). Cop pulled him over. Lit joint right there. Cop didn't care. Cop also didn't ticket friend once he found out friend is from that area and knows the mountain roads. Apparently, cops are more interested in busting the townies that come up from L.A. on the weekends.

Friend says this is very common where he's from.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#9 Jun 27, 2012
LW1: So you wouldn't have a problem with this if you could smoke too?

LW2: Run, don't walk, to your computer, go to same dating site and set up your own profile.

LW3: I like Tonka's script waaaayyy better than Abby's.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#10 Jun 27, 2012
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
L3: I think you're exaggerating. Mixed-race marriages/relationships and biracial children are so commonplace, I highly doubt you're asked that much about whether they're mixed race or whatever.
LW is from Indiana, which is way more rural than you might imagine. I'm not that surprised that comments like this are still made there.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#11 Jun 27, 2012
Sublime1 wrote:
LW3: Tell them, "I like my coffee black, just like my men."
Ha! My husband says his likes his bathrooms like his women; white.
Sam I Am

Palatine, IL

#12 Jun 27, 2012
1. I was gonna go for a walk, until I got high,
I was gonna take my wife for a drive, but then I got high,
I keep tellin' her I'll stop, I know it's a lie (hey hey)
I like to get high, I like to get high, I like to get high (la da da da da da)

2. Dear Ms. Doormat, WHAT THE F(*& ARE YOU THINKING?!?!?!? No wonder your husband is cheating, you are an unstimulating mope. In the words of Chris Rock, I'm not sayin' he's right, but I understand.

3. Sensitive much?

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#13 Jun 27, 2012
squishymama wrote:
<quoted text>
LW is from Indiana, which is way more rural than you might imagine. I'm not that surprised that comments like this are still made there.
I didn't catch the Indiana thing -- that does make a difference. I read years ago that Indiana and Ohio are the top states for family child sex abuse, and one of the reasons cited was the very large area of remote rural areas in the two states.

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#14 Jun 27, 2012
squishymama wrote:
<quoted text>
LW is from Indiana, which is way more rural than you might imagine. I'm not that surprised that comments like this are still made there.
LW Three is from Indiana... LW One is from Minnesota.

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#15 Jun 27, 2012
In other words, the pot letter is from Minnesota, so I think she's busted if he's riding dirty.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#16 Jun 27, 2012
1 Your husband smokes a lot of pot because he is forgetful and has forgotton that he just had a doobie, so he lights another. Try to be understanding of that fact.

2 Dont look at it as him cheating on you, think of it as him watching soft porn.

3 20 flipping years and you aint figured out what to say yet?
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

#17 Jun 27, 2012
1: Forget the illegal substance, hubby is not respecting her very acceptable boundaries. That's the bigger issue. He's being a douche, and no one needs to "take the edge off" a bikeride.
And can we quit with the lame "midlife crisis" excuse to try and justify rude male behavior?

2: I cannot believe she is even trying to see that this is acceptable behavior. Hubby married an idiot and is taking advantage of that.

3: Meh, I'd bet my left ovary most people are just curious, albeit phrasing it a certain way...LW is assuming and presuming and on the defense.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#18 Jun 27, 2012
j_m_w wrote:
In other words, the pot letter is from Minnesota, so I think she's busted if he's riding dirty.
Even here, it'd have to be a certain amount for him to even get a fine. however, he's driving while stoned, which would NOT be fine here in MN. DUI.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#19 Jun 27, 2012
cheluzal wrote:
1: Forget the illegal substance, hubby is not respecting her very acceptable boundaries. That's the bigger issue. He's being a douche, and no one needs to "take the edge off" a bikeride.
And can we quit with the lame "midlife crisis" excuse to try and justify rude male behavior?
2: I cannot believe she is even trying to see that this is acceptable behavior. Hubby married an idiot and is taking advantage of that.
3: Meh, I'd bet my left ovary most people are just curious, albeit phrasing it a certain way...LW is assuming and presuming and on the defense.
ITA.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#20 Jun 27, 2012
Right after we outlaw PMS.
cheluzal wrote:
1:
And can we quit with the lame "midlife crisis" excuse to try and justify rude male behavior?

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