“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#1 Mar 18, 2013
DEAR AMY: Our friends came to us and asked us to "watch" their house (next door to ours) while they rented it to their daughter's friends.

On more than three occasions, the renters' dogs were loose, running in the street and behaving aggressively toward my husband and me.

On more than three other occasions, the renters have had parties, lasting well past 3 a.m., disrupting our sleep with loud noises and cigarette smoke while they partied on their back deck, which is adjacent to our bedroom.

When we addressed these issues with our friends, they indicated that we should "reach out" to the renters, implying that we should be friendly to them despite their rude and "un-neighborly" behavior.

What would you do next, given that our neighbors asked us to be "nosy" and tell them what their renters are doing?-- Nosy Neighbors

DEAR NOSY: You should never have agreed to "watch over" a house that you have no actual responsibility for or authority over. You reported to your friends, and they essentially told you to handle it yourselves. So handle it.

You need to convey to the house's owners, "We don't feel comfortable taking responsibility for your house. From our perspective, the renters are intrusive, irresponsible and disrespectful. We're letting you know this now, and we'll also let them know that the next time we have a serious problem with their partying we'll call the police."

DEAR AMY: My fiance and I have set a June date for a small wedding with just family and very close friends. We are both in our 50s, and it is his first and my second marriage. I do not want his sister to attend.

He suffers from low self-esteem and has spent his entire life angry that she is stronger, better-looking, happier and more successful than he. He also feels that their parents prefer her and treat her better.

The last time I saw them together, we had invited his parents out for a meal. She was not invited, but the parents brought her along, and he visibly withered, developed a migraine and was unable to participate. It is my understanding that he responds this way whenever she is around, like a turtle withdrawing into his shell.

He has consented to have a wedding rather than elope because I want my family and friends around me. It's important to me that his parents attend. But I do not want his sister to attend because her very presence upsets him. I have only met her two times, and we got along very well on those occasions.

How should I handle this?-- Standing by My Man

DEAR STANDING: You don't mention discussing this with your fiance. Does he not want his sister to attend his wedding? How does he feel about his parents attending?

Your advocacy on his behalf is admirable, but he should also advocate for himself. The way you describe this, his sister is not a toxic person; she is simply herself, and he could (and probably should) work harder to accept her as she is, the way he would hope for the people in his life to accept him.

His sister will be in his life -- or at least on the fringes of it -- forever, and if he can work out his feelings about his sister he could attain a more balanced perspective, which would ease his anxiety and suffering.

He could definitely benefit from counseling to help with his self-esteem and family issues. You should both pursue premarital counseling to define and refine your respective roles.

DEAR AMY: "Fed Up" said she was worried that she was "enabling" her sister by allowing her to repeatedly crash on her couch during times when the sister's husband was being abusive.

Sis needs a therapist and her sister's emotional support. Fed Up doesn't have to be a doormat, but I hope she doesn't abandon her sister completely.-- Bev

DEAR BEV: I agree. It is very challenging for family members to see a loved one return again and again to an abusive relationship; a nudge toward professional help, along with ongoing emotional support, is the answer. Thank you.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#2 Mar 18, 2013
1 Shoot the dogs, and show up at the party with beer.

2 Your future husband is a total dooshe. Tell him to grow a pair and not go "Turtle" (which is an insult)

3 Therapy all around. Name tags too.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#3 Mar 18, 2013
L2 Wow. LW does not want her fiance to grow cojones becuse she already has enough for the whole family. It is very clear she chose her fiance because he has low self esteem. Talk about controlling. Cheesh.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#4 Mar 18, 2013
L1: So they had parties. At least three. Was that in a month? Or in a year?

Frankly, you need to tell your friends that it's not your job to "watch" their renters. THey sound like lazy landlords to me. If you have concerns, call the cops and animal control. Tell your friends that you are done babysitting renters.

L2: Wow, he goes from one PITA woman to another -- YOU. His parents and sister aren't the problem. He's FIFTY SOMETHING. Now it's all on him. Get him into therapy so he can deal with family issues, invite his sister to the wedding, and stop micromanaging his life.

Frankly, I think he's too damaged to be getting married at this point, if the description of that dinner is accurate.

L3: Letting a beaten woman spend the night on your couch is enabling?

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#5 Mar 18, 2013
LW1: You sound like a pain in the a$s.

LW2: That guy sounds fd up. You sure found a winner! A 50 year old cry baby.

LW3: Even if her husband is an abuser, an abuser can only abuse you if you stay with him. Her sister chooses to be abused by repeatedly returning to him. Given this, I can see someone not wanting to be a part of that roller coaster and have their life interrupted because someone is a dumb a$s and refuses to leave someone who abuses them.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

#6 Mar 18, 2013
1- Stop the presses! Call in the calvary! Your neighbors are smoking on their deck and have people over! This must be stopped!

Or how about you mind your own fking business? Tell the owners that babysitting their property isn't your job.

2- He's in his fifties!? Tell him to grow up! And whether or not his sister is invited is his decision, not yours. And congrats on hooking a spineless weasel.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#7 Mar 18, 2013
LW1: Feel better now that you whined and complained to Amy? Good.

Now next time they party too late or let the dogs loose, call the cops.

LW2: What a f*cking drama queen! That kind of reaction is not normal.

Get him some help, unless of course you like him that way...

LW3: Stop enabling Amy by giving her more rehash material. Please, we're begging you...

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#8 Mar 18, 2013
L1: Mrs. Cravitz, get something else to do.

L2: If he can't handle his sister, how does he handle day-to-day life? I bet you tell him what, when and how to do things and you like it that way.

L3: Okay then.

“FD&S is no way to be.”

Since: Feb 13

Knoxville, TN

#9 Mar 18, 2013
1. It sounds like your "friends" are looking for a free property manager. You have no authority over the tenants. Tell your friends the extent of your involvement is calling them or the police when something happens. That is what "watching" entails.

2. A) What does he want? B) Why would you want to marry such a guy? His own sister turns him into an invalid? No thanks.

3. How is that enabling?
Julie

Chicago, IL

#10 Mar 18, 2013
LW2: Pellen and Ang nailed it.

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