Comments
1 - 20 of 44 Comments Last updated Nov 9, 2012
First Prev
of 3
Next Last

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#1
Nov 8, 2012
 
DEAR AMY: My 20-year-old son is about to move out of our house. Again. When he first moved out, he went to college and experienced dorm life. He moved home after one semester, and soon signed a lease for an apartment with friends.

He was employed at the same company throughout all of this time and could afford to live on his own. After this lease was over, he bounced back home. At this point, he was making as much money as my husband, who supports me and our two younger children. I let him have his former room and asked him to reimburse us for the extra expense of having him home. He did so begrudgingly. I ended up reducing the amount, but he still resented it.

Now he's about to move out again and asked if I would let him charge a bedroom set on my credit card. I told him that I couldn't put myself in additional debt, and he has brought up a few times that he doesn't have a bed for when he moves out. When I suggest he charge his own bed if he doesn't have the money, he says he can't get more credit.

Because he's 20, I feel as if I should help him, especially when he applies guilt. On the other hand, he is making a good salary for someone his age. What do I owe this man-child?-- Wannabe Tough Love Mom

DEAR MOM: I like your basic choices, except for one: You should never suggest that your son go into more debt. Furthermore, at age 20, it seems he is already tapped out. Why is this? Is he gambling, overspending when he goes out, giving money to friends? What is his debt situation?

If he wants a bed, you should go with him to your local Salvation Army or Goodwill resale center to shop for a bed or futon. Craigslist (or freecycledotcom) are also great sources for low-cost furnishings. He could also put something on layaway or simply save money for a bed and sleep in a sleeping bag until he gets one.

In short: This is not your problem. It is his. He can't play the guilt card if you don't have anything to feel guilty about. And you don't.

DEAR AMY: Four months ago I ended a relationship with "Steve." It was a nasty ending to a one-year romance. One of the reasons I broke it off is that he is a total blabbermouth and very indiscreet.

While we were dating, Steve told me he had gone out a few times with "Sandra," a woman from my high school. Sandra and I were not friends in high school, and it was a long time ago. Shortly after Steve and I broke up, I ran into Sandra and we ended up becoming friends.

She is very nice, but I'm worried. Should I tell her about Steve? I haven't brought up this relationship. We are in our late 50s, divorced or single, live in the same general area and know a good number of the same people. I hate to mess up a new friendship. If she finds out Steve and I had a relationship, should I fib and say I didn't realize they had also had a relationship?-- New Friend

DEAR FRIEND: You are overthinking this. Your and Sandra's relationship with Steve did not overlap. You were not her friend when you dated him. There is no reason to fib about anything. At middle-age, one thing you can proudly claim is your own reasonable past.

DEAR AMY: "Meat Lovers" wrote to you, concerned about their future-in-laws, vegans who refused to attend a Thanksgiving feast if they served any meat with the meal. I suggest they ask these in-laws, "Do you wear leather shoes?" If so, then they are using animal products.-- Tired of Demands

DEAR TIRED: It is not up to these "Meat Lovers" to challenge their in-laws' lifestyle. All they need to do is be clear about what they are willing and able to serve for their feast.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#2
Nov 8, 2012
 

Judged:

1

1

L1: Amy is right. Helping him find a low cost alternative that HE buys is the way to go.

L2: The LW is in her 50s? Sounds like she's 20.

L3: ITA. You can't go around correcting people. Live and let live. They are entitled to be delusional (or not).

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#3
Nov 8, 2012
 

Judged:

1

LW1: At 20 he was making as much money as your husband? That either tells me he was doing quite well for himself or your husband does not make that much.

Easy solution to this problem: let him take the bed he's sleeping in now to his new place. Even if its temporary. Or, as Abby said, Goodwill. If he's that tight for money, he could just get a mattress and put it on the floor.

Sidenote: If money's so tight for you, how bout YOU gst a job. If he's 20, his siblings could not be so young that they need a full time stay at home mom. Go out and get a job so YOU can bring home some bacon.

LW2:I have no idea why lw feels this is a secret or that Sandra would care. Sandra went out with him a few times. So what. I'm wondering if "steve" was not a blabbermouth, but that LW is one of those people who think EVERYTHING is a secret. I know someone like that. She will tell my wife things and then tell her not to tell anyone. Of course, she would tell me some of it and every time, my reaction would be confusion as to why she thought that was some secret or that anyone would care. Trivial uninteresting stuff.

LW3: What Amy said. Invite them. If they choose not to come, oh well.

Since: Dec 09

Smalltown, Colorado

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#4
Nov 8, 2012
 
LW1 - Part of Amy's advice is way off. In Colorado, it is illegal to sell used mattresses at garage sales, Salvation Army, thrift stores or anywhere else because of the bedbug risk. Just tell the 20 yr old he can sleep on the floor until he saves up for a new mattress and box spring. He'll live. BTW, air mattresses cost about $100.
xyz

Montgomery, AL

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#5
Nov 8, 2012
 
Mister Tonka wrote:
LW1: If he's 20, his siblings could not be so young that they need a full time stay at home mom. Go out and get a job so YOU can bring home some bacon.
I'm not disagreeing with you, but how young do you think is too young? My brother was 20 when I was born, with a sister halfway between us. It is possible that the two younger boys are toddlers, and if LW isn't qualified to get more than minimum wage, it would probably end up costing her money to work outside the home if she has to pay for daycare.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#6
Nov 8, 2012
 
L1: When I moved out, I took my (twin) bed with me. Why can't he do this with the bed he's been sleeping on all these years? If he can't have that bed for some reason, do NOT incur debt to buy him a bed. He's been living a pretty reckless financial existence if he can't afford a bed or get credit for it. They advertise cheap beds on TV all the time. I don't want a cheap bed myself, but I'm 44 and i like to sleep well through the night.

L2: WHy on earth would you "tell Sandra about Steve" as if you're warning her about something. You sound like a blabbermouth yourself. Grow up.

L3: Shut up.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#7
Nov 8, 2012
 

Judged:

2

Vegans DO make their purchasing choices with their veganism in mind. It's ridiculous to think that a vegan doesn't know how to find shoes not made of leather. They are very conscious of the choices they make in this regard. LW3 is an idiot.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#8
Nov 8, 2012
 
Shari23 wrote:
LW1 - Part of Amy's advice is way off. In Colorado, it is illegal to sell used mattresses at garage sales, Salvation Army, thrift stores or anywhere else because of the bedbug risk.
Was there any indication that LW was from Colorado? There's 49 other states. Its perfectly legal here in Florida.

Here's one place.

http://www.usedfurnitureorlando.com/

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#9
Nov 8, 2012
 
xyz wrote:
My brother was 20 when I was born,
Do you think this age disparity is common or rare? I think it is rare and my answers are geared toward the more likely scenario, not the exception.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#10
Nov 8, 2012
 
I googled selling a used mattress.

"itís illegal in most states to sell one unless it has been properly cleaned and sanitized."

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#11
Nov 8, 2012
 
1 Tell him to buy his own damn bed. Thats what growing up is about.

2 Oh the drama!

3 Yeah, thats the mature thing to do.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#12
Nov 8, 2012
 
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
Vegans DO make their purchasing choices with their veganism in mind. It's ridiculous to think that a vegan doesn't know how to find shoes not made of leather. They are very conscious of the choices they make in this regard. LW3 is an idiot.
Right? Most vegans seem like they're vegetarians first and gradually weed out all animal products. I'm sure leather has been brought to their attention by now.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#13
Nov 8, 2012
 
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
I googled selling a used mattress.
"itís illegal in most states to sell one unless it has been properly cleaned and sanitized."
Poperly? Who defines what that means? And in places where that is the law, who's really enforcing that? I pulled up craigslist and searched for "bed" in the furniture for sale section. There were 40 listings just from today alone. I doubt any of them did anything special to prep the mattress for sale.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#14
Nov 8, 2012
 
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>Poperly? Who defines what that means? And in places where that is the law, who's really enforcing that? I pulled up craigslist and searched for "bed" in the furniture for sale section. There were 40 listings just from today alone. I doubt any of them did anything special to prep the mattress for sale.
I doubt they did, either. Soundsl ike a fast way to get bed bugs in your home.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#15
Nov 8, 2012
 
LW1: I donít see why you should be helping him if he makes the same as your husband.

LW2: I donít get it. What is the problem? Neither of you are dating this guy.

LW3: I think that is petty, but additionally, wtf would they say when the inlaws came back and said no they donít wear leather shoes.

Since: Jul 10

Location hidden

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#16
Nov 8, 2012
 
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>Do you think this age disparity is common or rare? I think it is rare and my answers are geared toward the more likely scenario, not the exception.
Oh, sorry.

When you said they could not be young enough...I thought you meant could not, rather than probably weren't.

My bad.
PEllen

Chicago, IL

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#17
Nov 8, 2012
 
Sgt__Smith wrote:
<quoted text>
Oh, sorry.
When you said they could not be young enough...I thought you meant could not, rather than probably weren't.
My bad.
Is that you? Is that where you are posted now? Good to see you pop in. Last time you were around you had just got back from deployment

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#18
Nov 8, 2012
 
LW1: If he's making that much, he should be able to afford a cheap bed *without* credit. Make him buy his own crap.

LW2: Huh?

LW3: And how is that going to help the situation?

Since: Jul 10

Location hidden

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#19
Nov 8, 2012
 
PEllen wrote:
<quoted text>
Is that you? Is that where you are posted now? Good to see you pop in. Last time you were around you had just got back from deployment
Hey Pelly! It's me...back and forth between here and Minneapolis - don't want to get used to one climate, ya know!

Things look about the same around here, I see. Lots of familiar names, and a few new ones.
Sam I Am

Knoxville, TN

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#20
Nov 8, 2012
 
1. He uses guilt because it has worked in the past. You make money so you can make your own way, not so others can keep making your way for you. Time for that bird to fly. If he doesn't appreciate that you've gotten him this far, then he has some growing up to do.

2. Good grief, how did you owe Sandra anything before you re-met her?

3. Can people just shut up and eat what they eat without flying a banner?

Tell me when this thread is updated: (Registration is not required)

Add to my Tracker Send me an email

First Prev
of 3
Next Last
Type in your comments below
Name
(appears on your post)
Comments
Characters left: 4000
Type the numbers you see in the image on the right:

Please note by clicking on "Post Comment" you acknowledge that you have read the Terms of Service and the comment you are posting is in compliance with such terms. Be polite. Inappropriate posts may be removed by the moderator. Send us your feedback.

79 Users are viewing the Chicago Forum right now

Search the Chicago Forum:
Title Updated Last By Comments
Chicago voters split on luring Obama presidenti... 6 min reality is a crutch 1
Barack Obama, our next President (Nov '08) 6 min RealDave 1,095,098
Topix Chitown Regulars (Aug '09) 15 min Sublime1 97,732
police arrest 47 people overnight after bottles... 16 min David Mccormack 1
IL Who do you support for Governor in Illinois in ... (Oct '10) 25 min CitiZen9 3,895
BARACK OBAMA BIRTH CERTIFICATE: Suit contesting... (Jan '09) 27 min Rogue Scholar 05 176,659
The military manual on taking you out during ci... 40 min Dan Sanchez 1
•••
•••
•••

Chicago Jobs

•••
Enter and win $5000
•••
•••

Chicago People Search

Addresses and phone numbers for FREE

•••

Chicago News, Events & Info

Click for news, events and info in Chicago
•••

Personal Finance

Mortgages [ See current mortgage rates ]
•••