“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#1 Dec 2, 2013
Dear Amy: Our daughter and her husband are expecting their first baby in four months. We have had a rocky relationship with her since she was an adolescent, but there have been good times too.

She can be selfish and stubborn and is a "right-fighter." Her dad and I have tried to go along to get along. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

She doesn't compromise on much, and if she doesn't get her way she gets angry and holds a grudge.

We fear she will try to prevent us from seeing the baby very often (or at all) if she is upset with us for any reason. Her husband is a calm and patient young man, so I hope he'll try to talk her into being fair and sensible with us.

We want to be a part of this baby's life. We hope our daughter won't use the child as ammunition against us. How should we handle this?

My husband thinks we should sit down with the couple and tell them how we feel and that we want to have a special relationship with their child. How should we do this and what do we say?— Concerned

Dear Concerned: Your daughter has always been a volatile, right-fighting power-player. And yet, you seem to think that if you simply tell her that she can't use her baby as bait, she will suddenly become more reasonable, rational and loving toward you? This is a tall order. And very unrealistic.

I think the last thing you should do is hand your daughter ammunition to manipulate and punish you. Instead, you should work harder to accept her limitations as a person (and likely as a parent). You should convey your excitement about the baby and maintain a neutral attitude about what you want out of the grandparent relationship.

You need to detach from her volatility. Do not allow her to use your grandparental attachment against you. Understand that your unique burden is that you may not get what you want, either from her or from the child. And you should do your best to love them both.

Dear Amy: My fiance and I are animal lovers. I brought two old small mutts with special needs (blind and deaf) into our relationship. He brought a larger dog with severe anxiety issues and incontinence. The dog spends most of her life in bed. I put her in diapers.

My husband insists on having her sleep in our beds and bedding often gets wet (even with the diapers).

I am now washing bedding several times a week. You can imagine the smell. He refuses to seek a consultation for training or surgery because of the expense and risks that come with surgery.

My fiance is extremely careful to keep our expensive cars spotless, yet this potty/anxiety issue doesn't bother him. I feel it's selfish to have expensive cars but not want to consider surgery for a nice dog, who is suffering and might live for a long time. My resentment is growing, and he knows how I feel. What can I do now?— Resentful

Dear Resentful: Your fiance is not an animal lover. His dog (and you) have poor quality of life. Withholding medical care to an animal that needs it is cruel. Because you are also in this household, this is also your responsibility. You could both be charged with animal neglect.

My advice is that you should not cohabit with this man, not sleep in his filthy, urine-soaked bed, and not do his dog's laundry. This is cuckoo.

Dear Amy: "Conflicted in the Heartland" disagreed with his wife's political stance and felt pressured to "like" her posts on Facebook.

You said that "liking" a post on Facebook does not signify an endorsement of the post's content.

I disagree. I know that people use Facebook in unique ways, but for me "liking" does imply an endorsement.— Facebook User

Dear User: Other readers agree with you. I use the thumbs up sign to let readers know I have read their post or comment, not that I necessarily agree with it.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#2 Dec 2, 2013
LW1 With parents like this I can sort of understand how the daughter got to be a volatile right fighter.
Looking at it from the daughters viewpoint I would not be surprised to see her limit the time with her parents.

LW2 I am not sure that the BF is not a dog lover but I agree with Amy that LW should move out.

"Our expensive cars" plural? There is something about that that rubs me the wrong way

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#3 Dec 2, 2013
1 Your SOL, As you sow, so shall you reap and all that.

2 Why does your husband insist that your fiance dog sleep with you? You poly's are all a bunch of freaks!

3 FB, Don't care.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#4 Dec 2, 2013
1- "Right fighter?" Anyway, write back when you have a problem.

2- He allows an incontinent dog to sleep in his bed? You're both idiots.

3- Liking equals agreeing

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#5 Dec 2, 2013
RACE wrote:
2 Why does your husband insist that your fiance dog sleep with you? You poly's are all a bunch of freaks!
.
Ha, didn't catch that. I'm assuming it's a mistype.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#6 Dec 2, 2013
Just goes to show how fake these letters are. They cant even keep the characters straight.
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Ha, didn't catch that. I'm assuming it's a mistype.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#7 Dec 2, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Ha, didn't catch that. I'm assuming it's a mistype.
Even so, it was be a rather neat petty revenge. Say you are married to this woman who is seeing other guys and kind of like Kim Kardashian, engaged to him while still married to you. So your revenge is to make her sleep in a bed with dog pee, a dog in doggy diapers and the fiance.

There is something sweetly vengeful about that visual/olfactory image.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#8 Dec 2, 2013
LW1: Oh boy, I can just see how many rules this woman is going to have for her baby. Be prepared to follow every single one if you want to have a relationship with the grandbaby.

LW2: If he wants that nasty dog (not the dog's fault, I know I know) in bed, then should tell him he can f*ck it too 'cause you are outta here.

Or just get the surgery for the dog your damnself.

LW3: Liking = agreeing, Amy you dolt.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#9 Dec 2, 2013
Or perhaps the lw is married to her dog?

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#10 Dec 2, 2013
squishymama wrote:
.
LW3: Liking = agreeing, Amy you dolt.
dumb as a doorknob

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#11 Dec 2, 2013
Wtf is a right fighter?

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#12 Dec 2, 2013
I love my dogs. They sleep on bed with us. But when one of them gad some medical problems that cause loss of bladder control, he was off the bed the second time it hapened. First time was more of a what the hell happend. Second time established we had a problem. Till we got it under control, he slept on the flor in the bathroom. We had to change and wash towels every day. Wash him. It was disgystingly foul. No wat in hell i would knowingly sleep with a dog likely to piss the bed. Its gross and i don't have enough sheeta or time for laundry
Kuuipo

Marina, CA

#13 Dec 2, 2013
LW1: It takes two people to argue. Get some counseling or read some self-help books about dealing with difficult people. Hint: Listen more and talk less.

LW2: This would be a deal-breaker for me. I have had dogs and cats but have never slept with pets.

LW3: Like means agree to me. I don't "like" everything that I read on FB.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#14 Dec 2, 2013
LW1: Not much you can do. I certainly wouldn’t pre-emptively broach the subject and plant a seed. If she’s going to use her child as a pawn to hurt you and likely hurt the child too, I think it’s fair to say you as parents made some missteps along the way.

LW2: Are you really going to marry some guy who likes to sleep in a dog pee bed and who doesn’t care that you object to this? Good luck with that … you are going to need it to make it more than 2 years. I’d reconsider and look forward to the day down the road when you can watch him on an episode of animal horders and know you dodged a bullet.

Aside from the whole disabled dog who pees all over your bed, if a man is smart, he will realize that there are certain things in a home that men should defer to women on … bedding being one of them …. at least in my home … my wife happens to be very particular … me, I gives a eff, I’d sleep under a potato sack (not one that smells like dog pee, tho, lol) if it would keep me warm.

LW3: You really shouldn’t be all political on facebook, IMO.

Since: Dec 09

Smalltown, Colorado

#15 Dec 2, 2013
LW2 - For the incontinent dog, try Proin. Get it from your vet. It costs about $50 for 180 pills. You could save that in laundry soap and water alone.

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

#16 Dec 2, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
Wtf is a right fighter?
Someone who always has to be right. And they won't compromise or anything to solve a situation. They would rather be right and have the world know it and be miserable than compromise on something and be happy. They are generally know it alls and will argue with you about whether grass is green.

You gotta watch more Dr. Phil!:)

Since: Mar 09

Hollywood, FL

#17 Dec 2, 2013
L3:
"I use the thumbs up sign to let readers know I have read their post or comment, not that I necessarily agree with it."

I'm picturing Amy scrolling slowly through her news feed, stopping to click the like button on everything she reads. An article on child molesters? Like. A picture of a drunk person puking all over the room? Like. Et cetera.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#18 Dec 2, 2013
Stina2 wrote:
Someone who always has to be right. And they won't compromise or anything to solve a situation. They would rather be right and have the world know it and be miserable than compromise on something and be happy. They are generally know it alls and will argue with you about whether grass is green.
Oh, so they act like liberals. Got it.
Julie

Chicago, IL

#19 Dec 2, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>dumb as a doorknob
That's a *huge* insult to doorknobs...
not a ghost

San Antonio, TX

#20 Dec 3, 2013
I don't blame LW1's daughter for not wanting her to
take a foot hold. LW1 sounds like she provoked the daughter's defensiveness.

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