“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#1 Jan 3, 2014
DEAR ABBY: I am a 27-year-old mom who has always been overweight. I have tried all sorts of diets and programs, and have lost a few pounds and then gained it all back and more.

My boss has offered to pay for me to have weight loss surgery. It is something I have always wanted, but could never afford. My boss told me she knows the struggle I have had and the frustration I have experienced.

My family is behind me and supports my decision to have it done. My concern is that once others in my office learn it was paid for by the boss, I'll be treated differently. I'm concerned about possible catty comments. They are gossips, and I hate being the center of attention in situations like that. The truth is bound to come out, so how can I comment on the gift I've been given?-- SO GRATEFUL IN TEXAS

DEAR SO GRATEFUL: You have a generous and empathetic boss who obviously cares about you. Unless one of you reveals that she paid for your surgery, "the truth" is not bound to come out. How your operation is paid for is nobody's business.

DEAR ABBY: My father recently told me his girlfriend is pregnant with twins. She is in her 40s and he is in his 50s. She already has two kids who are quite a handful. They both have low-paying jobs and I don't think they can handle two more children.

My father now is asking me to move in with him to help out. Because of their financial state and their ages, I'm afraid this is a huge risk. If I tell him what my concerns are, I am sure he'll think I'm heartless and stop talking to me. I don't know what to do. Dad might not even be around to see those kids graduate from high school. What can I do?-- TROUBLED SON IN COLORADO

DEAR TROUBLED SON: Unless you're willing to give up your freedom I don't recommend doing what your father is proposing. He should not expect you to assume child care or financial responsibility because his birth control method failed. That privilege rightfully belongs to him and his girlfriend. Tell your father you sympathize with his dilemma, but the answer is no.

DEAR ABBY: I read your column on the nights that I work, and I was wondering if you have had days when you just wanted to tell someone who has written to you to "suck it up and deal with it." I am generally a nice person and would help the most helpless cases as best I could, but I know that I have days when I have been snarky. I was wondering how you deal with those days.-- FEELING SNARKY TONIGHT IN VERMONT

DEAR FEELING SNARKY: I write my column from an office away from my home. Because of that, it's easier to leave distractions (or "problems") on the other side of the door when I enter. I'm here to help people, not to make anyone feel worse. If for some reason I felt I was unable to do that, I would either go for a long walk or postpone writing for another day.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#2 Jan 3, 2014
1- Grab a carrot instead of a twinky, ya [email protected], then this might not be an issue

2- Move in! His GF want's to bang you

3- Join our thread!

Since: Mar 09

Hollywood, FL

#3 Jan 3, 2014
L1: I'd decline the offer for another reason: do you want to "owe" your boss on that level? If she's talking about paying for it out of her own pocket, that's a friend or family member type thing. If she's offering for the company to pay for it, you might find yourself working long hours in the future....

L2: Role reversal, huh? Tell your dad to raise his own kids.

L3: I totally understand where the LW is coming from and I don't believe Abby for a second that she doesn't have moments when she thinks this too. She gave us a company line all the way.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#4 Jan 3, 2014
1 I dont see a problem, the company can bury the cost under office improvements.

2 Your dad is a moron and so are you if you are considering this. If you dad does pass, you will become uncle-dad.

3 Team Mutt

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#5 Jan 3, 2014
1. Abby with a side of Jam Wow.

2. Dad is in his 50's. Let's call i 53 or else LW would ay mid or late 50's. Kids graduate high school when they are 18. Dad will be 71. Life expectancy for a white male is currently just around 80; if he is blck, life expectancy is around 76.

Say no thank you- the wife wants free baby sitting
Cass

Claremont, CA

#6 Jan 3, 2014
Team JMW all the way.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#7 Jan 3, 2014
LW1: This whole thing smells fishy to me. I'm having a hard time imagining a boss that would offer to pay for this and also wondering why your insurance won't cover this.

If you really want to do this, I'd try and find a way that has minimal monetary imput from your boss; it just seems like trouble wrapped up in a lap-band.

LW2: Say no to being a free babysitter, because that is ALL they want from you.

LW3: Team jmw.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#8 Jan 3, 2014
L2: No way, no how. Do not become free babysitter.

L3: All the time.
Blunt Advice

South Orange, NJ

#9 Jan 3, 2014
1. Good advice above. Look into other weight loss remedies before surgery and if you do go for the surgery find other options (like insurance) to fund it.
2. A woman in her 40 expecting twins. Old eggs and potential premature birth is special ed issues waiting to happen. Better social services help them first. Be there for the kids later on when your father is gone.
3. Edog nailed it.....come to this thead!
Blunt Advice

South Orange, NJ

#10 Jan 3, 2014
1. ps....coworkers will be gossipy and catty about anything. If you really want to take boss up on it, make a loan payback agreement.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#11 Jan 3, 2014
L1: Jamwow with a hint of Edog.

I've got a friend that had lap band like a year or so ago. All was good for a while, but she's a stress eater with a crazy family. Hasn't really addressed that whole side of the overeating and by summer, we went out to eat and she ate a full restaurant meal plus a ginormous waffle cone of ice cream--which means her stomach is stretched back out.

My point being...you need food to live. If you can't control it (and believe me, I love food) all the surgery in the world won't help you.

L2: Trying to picture how hard I'd laugh if somebody wanted me to move in with their 4 kids.
Kuuipo

Marina, CA

#12 Jan 3, 2014
LW1: Team BluntAdvice and Matilda.

LW2: He wants you to move in with him, his pregnant-with-twins girlfriend, and her two kids who are quite a handful and you want to know what to tell him? Tell him you need your quiet time, because you sure as heck wouldn't be able to get any at his house. And ditto what Matilda said.

LW3: Team edog!
Julie

Chicago, IL

#13 Jan 3, 2014
Mathilda, I don't think you've mentioned SIL for a very long time. Anything new with her?

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