“Not a real reg”

Since: Jan 13

Location hidden

#1 Sep 2, 2013
DEAR ABBY: I have had a friend since grade school, "Dennis," and have maintained a friendship with him throughout our lifetime. Dennis never married and lived with his parents until both died about 10 years ago. He now lives alone.

Dennis does not seem to want to take care of himself hygienically, and since we work together it is becoming a serious problem. Some of the other guys don't want to be around him. He doesn't bathe often enough or appear to brush his teeth daily.

I have tried repeatedly over the years to talk to him about his apparent lack of cleanliness, and now that he is almost 60, it is becoming unbearable. People are starting to avoid him.

Dennis is a good person and will do anything for anyone, but this lackadaisical attitude is something we can't overlook. How can I get it across to him? He just doesn't listen or take me seriously.-- IN NEED OF FRESH AIR

DEAR IN NEED: Because Dennis' poor hygiene is affecting his relationship with his co-workers, the person to address the issue is his supervisor or boss. While Dennis may ignore or dismiss your attempts to help him, when he hears from his employers that he has to clean up his act, he may pay more attention.

DEAR ABBY: For the past year I have been an old friend's lover. I'm a widow; he is married. I don't want him to leave his wife because she has been through a lot with him, including alcohol addiction. For the past few months he has given me excuses for not seeing me. We had gotten together on a weekly basis until recently.
I have all the emails and texts we have sent each other, along with pictures and a journal I have kept throughout the relationship. Should I send them to his wife? They have had a long marriage, and he has cheated on her repeatedly for the last 25 years.

I'm not ashamed or embarrassed about our affair. I just need to know if I should let his wife know what he has been doing. Yes, there is jealousy and revenge involved, and no, I haven't talked to him about what I suspect because I'm not sure how to broach the subject.-- THE OTHER WOMAN IN THE SOUTHWEST

DEAR OTHER WOMAN: I know you are hurting right now, but I see no reason to punish the wife for it. I'm sure after all these years there is nothing you could show-and-tell the woman that she isn't already aware of -- except that you, a friend, betrayed her. Leave her alone. If you want confirmation of your suspicions, take it up with your lover.

DEAR ABBY: I'm entering high school. The one I'm transferring to is K-12, and my younger sister already goes there. She warned me that all the girls wear skirts and wearing pants is, basically, social suicide.

The problem is, I don't like skirts. I never have. Should I go with the flow and wear something I'm not comfortable in, or should I wear pants and give up all hope of making friends?-- HUNG UP IN HOUSTON

DEAR HUNG UP: Start by wearing skirts for the first week or so and let the girls get to know you. See if what your sister said is true. After that, make up your own mind.
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

#2 Sep 2, 2013
1: He should've left the nest decades ago. Not marrying is his choice, but he sounds like a slob who's given up on life, probably more after his parents died.

2: Wait. You started dating a married man, he's not doing what you like, so now you want to act like the wronged party? You are a vile, disgusting excuse for a person and friend. I've never met you and I hate you.

3: Screw that. Start by wearing your pants and figure out who your real friends are.
Quit caring about others' opinions so much--it'll be good in life.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#3 Sep 2, 2013
L2: what the EFF is wrong with you? Nw you are mad and hurt because he is sick and tired of your old crotch parts, so you want to hurt his wife? FOAD.

l3: Abby is 100% wrong. Wear pants. Wear what you want.
Cass

Claremont, CA

#4 Sep 2, 2013
LW2 - You are a vile snake in human disguise. A despicable excuse for a human being.

LW3 - Wear pants. And in what kind of school is wearing pants a "social suicide" for a teenage girl? I mean, skinny jeans don't look good on anyone BUT teenage girls.
Julie

Chicago, IL

#5 Sep 2, 2013
LW1: Sounds like Dennis may have had mental health problems his entire adult life (possibly longer). Has this never occurred to you?

LW2: You are a complete POS.

LW3: I don't give a rat's @$$.
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

#6 Sep 2, 2013
Cass wrote:
LW3 - Wear pants. And in what kind of school is wearing pants a "social suicide" for a teenage girl? I mean, skinny jeans don't look good on anyone BUT teenage girls.
Right? I teach middle school and all they wear are jeans!
Unless this is a uniform thing, but still---kids ask me why I wear dresses everyday, like it's an odd thing.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#7 Sep 2, 2013
Lw1:You can't save someone that does not want to be saved. And if your objective is to help him, I think Abby's advice to complain to the boss sucks. Its great advice if you are trying to help the people that have to put up with his stench.

LW2: "I don't want him to leave his wife"

"I just need to know if I should let his wife know what he has been doing. Yes, there is jealousy and revenge involved"

You are a terrible liar. And a k-u-nn-+.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#8 Sep 2, 2013
Julie wrote:
LW1: Sounds like Dennis may have had mental health problems his entire adult life (possibly longer). Has this never occurred to you?
I don't think it would occur to most people. I certainly would need a whole lot more than "he's a filthy slob" to make me even consider a mental problem.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#9 Sep 2, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text> I don't think it would occur to most people. I certainly would need a whole lot more than "he's a filthy slob" to make me even consider a mental problem.
Markedly poor grooming such as failure to bathe or brush your teeth is a sign of depression.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#10 Sep 3, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text> I don't think it would occur to most people. I certainly would need a whole lot more than "he's a filthy slob" to make me even consider a mental problem.
First thing I thought of.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#11 Sep 3, 2013
PEllen wrote:
<quoted text>Markedly poor grooming such as failure to bathe or brush your teeth is a sign of depression.
A woman at work was sent to our services people to find out if she needed counseling because of the way she dressed. They had tried numerous times to talk to her and she didn't change her habits so they sent her to the people who evaluate you for depression. She also had an odor. Unfortunately, I don't think they addressed the second thing but she did go shopping. In her case, she just doesn't care. At all. I don't know how her friends put up with her.
Julie

Chicago, IL

#12 Sep 3, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text> I don't think it would occur to most people. I certainly would need a whole lot more than "he's a filthy slob" to make me even consider a mental problem.
How 'bout the complete absence of grooming *plus* living with his parents until they died?
Seriously, Dennis has some SERIOUS mental issues.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#13 Sep 3, 2013
Julie wrote:
<quoted text>
How 'bout the complete absence of grooming *plus* living with his parents until they died?
Seriously, Dennis has some SERIOUS mental issues.
Be it accurate or not, I think the majority of people equate "serious mental issues" with "crazy and needs to be institutionalized". If a guy's coming to work every day and doing his job, has normal verbal skills and the main problem is he's a slob, I can't believe that most people would jump to mental problems.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#14 Sep 4, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>Be it accurate or not, I think the majority of people equate "serious mental issues" with "crazy and needs to be institutionalized". If a guy's coming to work every day and doing his job, has normal verbal skills and the main problem is he's a slob, I can't believe that most people would jump to mental problems.
I think at worst, he has at least mild depression.

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