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Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#21 Dec 4, 2012
From Yesterday's Amy:
About once a week she will call my wife, crying, and tell her about being degraded one way or another. Last week, for instance, he called her a "lazy stupid f------ idiot" in front of a person who was at their house to do some work. This comment is fairly typical of the language he uses toward her.

We are seeking your advice as to what we should do. This friend said that if her husband knew she was confiding in my wife, he would go absolutely nuts. I'd like to intervene, but I think it would make the situation much worse if he knew we were aware of his disgusting behavior.

From Today's Abby:
My wife and I have a friend, "Cara," who lives in another state. It's not a very reciprocal friendship. Cara calls us frequently, but wants to talk only about her problems, which are never-ending. When she visits, she demands our full attention at all times. Frankly, we find her exhausting and would like to cut her out of our lives.

Our worry is that we are some of the few friends Cara has left. She has alienated most of her other friends as well as her parents, sometimes over trivial matters. We know she's depressed and has emotional issues, and we suspect she may have a mental illness. She has been suicidal in the past, but now refuses to see her therapist.

-- I read these as being different.
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

#22 Dec 4, 2012
LW1: I would suggest to Cara that she is too focused on her problems and would have an easier time in life if she instead mastered the technique of counting her blessings. I would further suggest that she changes up her routine by taking some classes: yoga, zumba, ballroom dancing, archery, quilting, whatever, doesn't matter. Bottom line is that she is stuck in a rut and replaying the same tape. She *might* do well on medication, but I don't think medication is the total answer. She just needs to get out of her own head. A therapist can help if she's willing to try a different one. Anyway, when Cara calls, repeat the suggestions that she count her blessings, change her routine, and get back into talk therapy. Then tell her, so sorry, you have to go attend to something on the stove.

LW2: If this is the biggest problem you have, life is good.

LW3: Yes, it's possible, but these situations rarely end well. If you don't pick one, you will lose them both.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#23 Dec 4, 2012
Toj wrote:
From Yesterday's Amy:
About once a week she will call my wife, crying, and tell her about being degraded one way or another. Last week, for instance, he called her a "lazy stupid f------ idiot" in front of a person who was at their house to do some work. This comment is fairly typical of the language he uses toward her.
We are seeking your advice as to what we should do. This friend said that if her husband knew she was confiding in my wife, he would go absolutely nuts. I'd like to intervene, but I think it would make the situation much worse if he knew we were aware of his disgusting behavior.
From Today's Abby:
My wife and I have a friend, "Cara," who lives in another state. It's not a very reciprocal friendship. Cara calls us frequently, but wants to talk only about her problems, which are never-ending. When she visits, she demands our full attention at all times. Frankly, we find her exhausting and would like to cut her out of our lives.
Our worry is that we are some of the few friends Cara has left. She has alienated most of her other friends as well as her parents, sometimes over trivial matters. We know she's depressed and has emotional issues, and we suspect she may have a mental illness. She has been suicidal in the past, but now refuses to see her therapist.
-- I read these as being different.
They sound exactly the same to me.

I was wondering why you interpret one as venting, and the other as dumping. You haven't really explained that.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#24 Dec 4, 2012
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
They sound exactly the same to me.
I was wondering why you interpret one as venting, and the other as dumping. You haven't really explained that.
Yes I did. Look back. You think those words mean the same thing, though. Venting is talking about it. Dumping is "hey, fix this for me".
Julie

Chicago, IL

#25 Dec 4, 2012
LW2: Oh for F sake. The servers are just making small-talk. Get the stick outta your @$$, moron.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#26 Dec 4, 2012
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
Yes I did. Look back. You think those words mean the same thing, though. Venting is talking about it. Dumping is "hey, fix this for me".
Typically, someone will ask "Is it okay if I vent?" They make it clear that they just want to bitch/whine/moan complain for two minutes, then be done. They don't want advice, they don't want someone to try to fix it. It's usually an unfixable situation (like, a personality clash with someone, or a specific issue with a relative, boss, coworker).

Venting is something I think many or most of us do. To me, "venting" is a short-term rant. "Let me get this off my chest." "Dumping" is an ongoing negative hate fest when someone dumps all their drama and problems on you and it *dominates* the interaction.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#27 Dec 5, 2012
To me "Frequently" and "once a week" are synonymous. And as for the rest of the letter, I read them as the same.

Can you point out what differences you see?
Toj wrote:
From Yesterday's Amy:
About once a week she will call my wife, crying, and tell her about being degraded one way or another. Last week, for instance, he called her a "lazy stupid f------ idiot" in front of a person who was at their house to do some work. This comment is fairly typical of the language he uses toward her.
We are seeking your advice as to what we should do. This friend said that if her husband knew she was confiding in my wife, he would go absolutely nuts. I'd like to intervene, but I think it would make the situation much worse if he knew we were aware of his disgusting behavior.
From Today's Abby:
My wife and I have a friend, "Cara," who lives in another state. It's not a very reciprocal friendship. Cara calls us frequently, but wants to talk only about her problems, which are never-ending. When she visits, she demands our full attention at all times. Frankly, we find her exhausting and would like to cut her out of our lives.
Our worry is that we are some of the few friends Cara has left. She has alienated most of her other friends as well as her parents, sometimes over trivial matters. We know she's depressed and has emotional issues, and we suspect she may have a mental illness. She has been suicidal in the past, but now refuses to see her therapist.
-- I read these as being different.
Community Disorganizer

Florham Park, NJ

#28 Dec 5, 2012
LW 1 : Sounds like your friend could use a man.

LW 2: Who cares!

LW 3: Only two? I am currently in love with at least ten.

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