Abby 4-13-14

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#1 Apr 13, 2014
DEAR ABBY: I'm in a tricky situation. My boyfriend of four years, "Ian," and I took a break from our relationship for two months because he was scared he'd miss out on the single life. We started hanging out again soon after, and everything fell into place.

We were talking recently, and he mentioned that he's planning to move across the country to San Francisco to be near his family. He made it plain he wants to live on the West Coast "forever." I am close to my family -- closer than Ian is to his.

We're both 24, and while we're not going to get engaged anytime soon, I'm not sure what to do. We love each other, but the geography is causing so many issues. Please advise.-- NEW YORK GIRL

DEAR N.Y. GIRL: It's good that you and Ian aren't planning on becoming engaged anytime soon, because you have some serious thinking to do. If you plan on having a family and want your parents to be close to their grandchildren, it would be better for you to find another boyfriend. I'm advising you and Ian to take another break -- this time for YOUR benefit -- to see which is more important to you: the man or the location.

DEAR ABBY: This "issue" with my wife may seem trivial, but it's making me crazy. I like to cook; she doesn't. When I cook it's an expression of love, and our family sits down together to enjoy the meal. We don't watch TV and we don't answer the phone. Sounds ideal, wouldn't you say?

The problem is, after I put the food on the table, my wife gets up and starts pulling other food from the fridge to microwave. Or she'll start making a salad.

These last-minute additions make me furious. She knows it, but won't stop. Either she "doesn't want the leftover to go bad" or she thinks something is "missing" from the table.

I say she should prepare these additions while I'm making dinner so everything will be on the table at the same time, or else forget it. What do you think?-- STEAMING IN THE KITCHEN IN TEXAS

DEAR STEAMING: Is the layout of your kitchen conducive to tandem cooking? If it's not, that may be why your wife goes in there after you're no longer using it. Do you tell your wife what you will be preparing for dinner and ask if there is anything else she wants included? That may prompt her to think ahead so she wouldn't have to get up and leave the table.

If the answer to my questions is yes, then there may be something going on in your relationship for which she's trying to punish you.
r'

DEAR ABBY: My daughter goes to a preschool in a church where we are not members. Pastor "Joe" is very involved with the classes, often chatting with the parents and calling them by their first names.

I have seen him around town various times, but I'm never sure how to address him. I feel strange calling him "Pastor" since he isn't my minister. On the other hand, calling him "Joe" doesn't quite seem right either.

How should a man of the cloth be greeted on the street?-- FEELING AWKWARD IN JAMESTOWN, N.Y.

DEAR FEELING AWKWARD: I think you're asking the wrong person. Why not ask HIM how he'd like to be addressed? I remember a delightful priest in Chicago, who when meeting people would immediately say, "Call me John." I used to refer to him as Father Call-Me-John.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#2 Apr 13, 2014
L2. Cook smaller portions so there are no leftovers.

Treat her like a picky eater circa age 6. Make you dishes. Make her plain broiled hamburger and put it on her plate
Pippa

Hancock, NY

#3 Apr 13, 2014
2: A woman I knew started going to religious services where everyone referred to themselves as "Brother ____" and "Sister ___." She was not a member but was simply interested in learning about this religion. She referred to everyone as Mr.____, Mrs.______, and Miss_____ until she got to know each person better and would then simply call them by their first names. She did eventually convert to this religion and started using the Brother/Sister terms. It seems to me that if you are not a member of the church, you should not call the clergyperson by a title that infers that person is your religious advisor. It's kind of like the gaff that Queen Elizabeth once made when she met the Pope. She kissed his ringed hand as the Vatican advisors told her to do. But that was the wrong thing since she is not Catholic and is in fact the head of the Church of England. Sure go ahead and ask, but I'd make it clear that I'm not going to call anyone Father, Pastor, Rabbi anything if I am not a member of their religion or if the person is not in actuality my father (who actually died more than 45 years ago). Not calling a person by a title such as these is not necessarily a sign of disrespect. It simply means this person does not hold that particular position in your life. So if "Father Joe" doesn't tell you his last name so you can call him "Mr. Smith," just call him "Mr. Joe."
Pippa

Hancock, NY

#4 Apr 13, 2014
Whoops! My previous comment should have said "3" not "2." Sorry.:-(
Cass

Claremont, CA

#5 Apr 13, 2014
The issue of address terms is interesting. I think it's okay to call somebody Pastor Lastname even if this person is not your pastor, just like it's okay to call somebody Dr. Lastname even if this person is not your doctor. I think this is more of a professional title than a "relationship" title. I live on a short street with a Catholic church at the end. The priest lives in a small house that the church owns at the end of the block. When I see the priest walking down the street, greet him as Father Lastname because we know each other as neighbors, but I am not a member of his church. I am not even Catholic. I just think the term Father is a respectful form of address.
Cass

Claremont, CA

#6 Apr 13, 2014
Ugh. "...I greet him..." not just "greet him." Oh, the power of proofreading before hitting "post", why do I ignore thee?
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

#7 Apr 13, 2014
1: He's not that into you. A guy truly into a woman won't leave to the other side of the country without dragging that woman along.

2: Weird. Find a solution because she insists on doing this each time, but stop calling cooking an act of love. Even if you order take-out, it should be eaten by family without a TV.....but hey-I find cooking a chore.

3: His name is "Pastor." LOL--seriously, everyone calls our that, not always with the last name. It's not just indicative if being YOUR pastor, but he technically is your child's, since you allow her to be educated there.

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

#8 Apr 14, 2014
I agree with Cass on LW3. But in the church I grew up in (in NY), we never called the minister "Pastor". Everyone called him by his first name. We called him "Uncle ____" though because he and his family were close family friends of ours and I grew up with his kids (our families are still close).

I hear people referring to our minister here in FL as "Pastor _____" and I can't get used to it. I think it's weird and impersonal. But like Cass said, it's more like a professional title in my opinion.
boundary painter

San Antonio, TX

#9 Apr 15, 2014
LW2 needs to stop giving the Lone Star State a bad name. He needs to talk to his wife and stop waving their dirty laundry across America.

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