“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#1 Jan 11, 2014
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are a young couple, married almost two years. He recently told me he isn't happy with me anymore and that he may want to leave. He won't tell me why. He says he doesn't know why.

It was a complete shock to me. He refuses to seek marriage counseling and has dealt with a lot of depression for which he won't seek help, either. We have a child, and I am now pregnant again. It hasn't changed his thoughts about leaving.

What should I do for myself and our children? What can I do to help my husband change his mind? I'm still deeply in love with him.-- CONFUSED IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR CONFUSED: I can only imagine how painful this must be for you. Because your husband won't see a counselor about your marriage or do anything about his depression, then you should. And when you do, start figuring out a "plan B" for how you will support your children if it becomes necessary. You should also consult an attorney who can help you ensure that your husband lives up to his responsibilities if he does decide to leave.

The reason for your husband's ambivalence will become apparent in time. You may love him deeply, but for your sake and that of your children, it's important you stay calm and rational.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 17-year-old girl, turning 18 soon. Ever since I started high school, my family has pressured me to do my best in everything I do. Some examples: my grades, having the perfect boyfriend and being first in sports.

I know they want the best for me. But I'm a human being. I sometimes make mistakes. At the same time, I don't want to disappoint them. What should I do? Should I tell them to get off my back or continue to accept their pressure?-- TEEN IN TURMOIL, TULSA, OKLA.

DEAR TEEN: Your parents probably push you because they want you to get a college education. Good grades, various activities and a talent for sports can make you a more attractive candidate.

There are ways to tell your parents to ease up without saying, "Get off my back." Your message might be better received if you said to them what you wrote to me: "I know you want what's best for me. I don't want to disappoint you. But I'm a human being and I sometimes make mistakes. I love you, but the pressure is getting to me." It's not hostile, and they may hear what you're saying without becoming defensive.

DEAR ABBY: My brother-in-law is a registered sex offender. I am uncomfortable having him stay at our house with my husband and me and our children. My mother-in-law insists we need to forgive him and let him stay. I hate putting my husband in the middle (it is his sister's husband), but I do not want him under our roof overnight.

Am I right to refuse, or do I let him stay and be on major guard?-- MOMMY IN MEMPHIS

DEAR MOMMY: As a mother, it is your job to protect your children. Because you feel your brother-in-law might be a danger to them, he should sleep elsewhere -- and "forgiveness" has nothing to do with it.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#3 Jan 11, 2014
1 Yeah, get a lawyer, sounds like your gonna need one.

2 Tough it out, once your in college, you can party.

3 We all agree that the registry is usless without knowing exactly what happened.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#4 Jan 11, 2014
1- That sucks. Date his brother. Or his dad. Or his best friend.

2- Wah, my parents are pushing me to do my best, wah!

3- He did his time, so he's fine now. Way to show tolerance. And kids should learn about sex at a young age anyway. The more immoral our society becomes, the better off we are, right?

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#5 Jan 11, 2014
RACE wrote:
3 We all agree that the registry is usless without knowing exactly what happened.
No, not all of us

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#6 Jan 11, 2014
RACE wrote:
1 Yeah, get a lawyer, sounds like your gonna need one.
2 Tough it out, once your in college, you can party.
3 We all agree that the registry is usless without knowing exactly what happened.
1.agree
2.agree, but sometime parents don't know teh limits either.
3.Have you ever looked at a sex offender registry? You won't get the details of the crime but you will know what he was convicted of. You will be able to tell if it was sexual relations with a minor under 13 with force or solicitation of a prostitute or possession of child pornography.
I would not have a problem with a guy who was convicted under the "john" act, but I would if the BIL was 30 and screwed a 12 year old..

The MIL knows the details of what he did. If she says he was framed or teh girl led him to think she was 18, you can discount her opinion.
And why is your BIL sleeping over? Is his wife with him (LW's SIL). If it is a matter of visiting from out of town, have him get a motel room. If it is something longer then I too would not want him to sleep over
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

#7 Jan 11, 2014
1: HOw tragic he refuses to do anything to help the marriage. A shame...but married young, 2 kids in 2 years (or did the first kid get the marriage)? Maybe wife is a shrew and we don't know....

2: Grades and sports (within reason) is fine, but the "perfect boyfriend?" Please. This is a kid scared of failure and it will screw her up if she's not careful. She has recognized it--yay--so she needs a college far away and a chance to live HER life.

3: He had sex at 17 with his 15 y/o girlfriend....sure, let it go.
Urinated in public? Open your house doors.
Anything else--probably not wise to forgive, no matter how much his mommy insists. And this is your hubby's bro-in-LAW, not his bio bro. He can get on board with you.
Cass

Claremont, CA

#8 Jan 11, 2014
LW1 - Team Race

LW2 - Team Cheluzal with a touch of Dog

LW3 - Team Pellen
Kuuipo

Salinas, CA

#9 Jan 11, 2014
LW1: It's unfortunate that you are in this predicament, but you're going to have to step up and deal with the reality of it rather than hoping that your husband will come back around.(I smell an old (or new) girlfriend, but I can be cynical at times.) Anyway, make sure you have copies of all financial documents, just in case you need to file for divorce and then put together a backup plan of how you are going to care for your two children.

LW2: Team cheluzal.

LW3: Team PEllen.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#10 Jan 11, 2014
L1: quick get divorced then find another man to marry you and take care of you.

L2: grades are key. The other stuff is not.

L3: sex offender or not, you don't have to have anyone in your house you don't want there. It is that simple.

Tell me when this thread is updated:

Subscribe Now Add to my Tracker

Add your comments below

Characters left: 4000

Please note by submitting this form you acknowledge that you have read the Terms of Service and the comment you are posting is in compliance with such terms. Be polite. Inappropriate posts may be removed by the moderator. Send us your feedback.

Chicago Discussions

Title Updated Last By Comments
News BARACK OBAMA BIRTH CERTIFICATE: Suit contesting... (Jan '09) 6 min Coffee Party 189,672
News Barack Obama, our next President (Nov '08) 7 min Bluestater 1,232,063
Topix Chitown Regulars (Aug '09) 53 min PEllen 99,532
Amy 5-23 59 min PEllen 1
Abby 5-23 1 hr PEllen 1
Word (Dec '08) 2 hr Red_Forman 5,238
{keep A word drop A word} (Oct '11) 2 hr Red_Forman 5,989
More from around the web

Chicago People Search

Addresses and phone numbers for FREE

Personal Finance

Mortgages [ See current mortgage rates ]