Dear Abby 11-29-13

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#1 Nov 29, 2013
DEAR ABBY: My fiancee and I are getting married next summer. Last summer, my closest friend -- a woman -- was murdered. Her husband was charged with the crime. Both of them were to be a part of the wedding party. The husband, "Frank," was to be my best man.

I'm at a loss about how to deal with this. I can't believe that Frank is guilty, but the trial isn't likely to be finished by the date of the wedding. However, he is likely to be out on bail.

Frank has been one of my closest friends for many years, and I don't want to abandon him, but his presence would unnerve many of the guests who know about this. My fiancee and I are concerned that having him there would make our wedding "the one where the accused murderer showed up."

Do I include him? Should he maintain his place as my best man? If not, how do I rescind his invitation?-- UNSURE IN CANADA

DEAR UNSURE: Considering the notoriety that now surrounds Frank, he should not be your best man. His presence at the altar would distract from the bride, who is supposed to be the center of attention. This is the No. 1 no-no at weddings. However, I don't think you should rescind your friend's invitation to attend the wedding because he is innocent until proven guilty.

DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend of six years spends weekends at my house where she has her own room with her clothing and personal things. Wanting her to be comfortable here, I have bought her some robes, PJs, slippers, etc. to use when she's here.

One thing she never seems to have is underwear. She has even borrowed mine on occasion. So I shopped online and put a dozen pair in her dresser drawer. I know her size, style and color preference, so I thought I might be the best boyfriend ever for doing it.

Oddly enough, she made no comment. And when I asked, she said, "What kind of boyfriend does that? It's sooo weird."

Abby, I was crushed. Did I go too far? Please tell me I'm not weird.-- DISMAYED IN DUNKIRK, N.Y.

DEAR DISMAYED: You're not weird. You are a giver, and it is a trait that should be appreciated. You did not deserve the putdown. Many women would have been touched by your thoughtfulness. I don't know what kind of men your girlfriend has had in her life before you came along, but it seems they didn't spoil her the way you're trying to.

DEAR ABBY: I recently married, and my husband and I are starting to think about when we should try to have children. I am having a hard time getting over the mindset that my parents instilled in me that pregnancy is bad -- as in when you're a teenager and your parents tell you over and over.(At least mine did.) It has made me terrified of getting pregnant.

How do I get over this mantra and move forward in my life? We want to start a family, but I always have this nagging feeling like I'm not as excited to have kids as my friends are.(We are in our early 30s.) Are these feelings normal?-- BRIDE IN PHOENIX

DEAR BRIDE: At this point, it might be helpful if you discussed this with your parents. After all, it was they who planted this seed of doubt in your head. I'm sure once they hear that what they planted has grown into a fear of having the grandchildren they would love to have, they will find the words to reassure you that a pregnancy after marriage is something to be celebrated. However, if your concerns continue after that, talk about them with your OB/GYN or a licensed counselor.
Cass

Claremont, CA

#2 Nov 29, 2013
LW1 - Passing on that one. Too weird.

LW2 - You ARE weird. If she is your GF, why does she have her own - separate?- room?

LW3 - Yes, pregnancy is bad. That is why you were created in a lab petri dish. Snide comments aside, you need therapy.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#3 Nov 29, 2013
1- Okay, you can't be serious. Number one, your friend is accused of murdering his wife and you still want him as your best man (yeah, yeah, innocent until proven guilty, but he's not exactly accused of shop-lifting here.) Number two? What the hell kind of laws do they have in Canada?? Murder suspects can get out on bail?? And since both of them were to be in the wedding party, you're obviously gonna be short a bridesmaid. For the sake of everything, just find another couple.

2- I've bought my gf underwear before and was always appreciated. And your girlfriend only visits on the weekends and sleeps in her own room? What are you, Shakers? And some women just don't like to wear underwear.

3- I'm sure your parents meant that pregnancy was a bad thing as an unmarried TEENAGER! You're in your 30s? Seriously? Forget bringing up your ridiculous phobia to your parents, blaming them and making them feel guilty. Go right to a counselor. And I pity your new husband.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#4 Nov 29, 2013
1 Keep him, the wedding will be a blast! I can only imagine what his toast will be!

2 Is she your girlfriend or your mother?

3 Ummm, talking with her parents about sex did not work out so good last time, I cant imaging it working out better this time.
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

#5 Nov 29, 2013
LW1: Have you lost your mind? Oh HELLLLLLLLLL NO you don't include a murderer (or an accused murderer out on bail) in your wedding party. Even edog agrees.

LW2: I think you were very thoughtful. Unfortunately, she does not. How well do you really know your woman?

LW3: Definitely talk to a counselor.

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