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“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#1 May 6, 2013
DEAR ABBY: My granddaughter and her boyfriend live in another state, and I love hearing from her. However, when I call her, she always puts me on speaker phone, which I find rude.

I have never met her boyfriend and don't feel he should be in on everything I may talk to my granddaughter about. I think she's forming a bad habit. Am I wrong for feeling this way?-- PRIVATE GRANDMA IN FLORIDA

DEAR PRIVATE: I don't think so. Not every word that comes out of your mouth should be community property. The next time it happens, all you have to do is say, "Honey, take me off the speaker, please."

DEAR ABBY: My wife, "Carlene," is a neonatal ICU nurse who is required to work a certain number of holidays. For the past 12 years, her family has feigned attempting to accommodate her schedule and then planned holiday events at the same exact time and place as the year before. They have ignored repeated explanations and don't seem to care if we come or not.

For example, last Thanksgiving they once again made a big deal about everyone sending their schedules via email. We responded that Carlene would have to work until 3 p.m. Shortly after, we received a call from the host, who said: "We know you can't make it, but the celebration will be at 12 sharp! Maybe we'll see you some other time."

Abby, my wife feels like she is unimportant to everyone. She plans to stop attending all family events and celebrate only with me and our daughter. While that would be easier, I know it probably isn't the best solution. Should I support her decision, or is there some answer I haven't thought of yet?-- LET DOWN IN TEXAS

DEAR LET DOWN: Your wife should make no decisions about future celebrations while she's angry. If she follows through on her impulse to boycott all family events, she will be cutting her nose off to spite her face.

On those occasions when it's not possible to attend extended family gatherings, celebrating with immediate family seems like a sensible solution. Or consider hosting the celebration yourselves so you can set the party time.

Your wife may have self-esteem issues that need to be addressed if she's taking this personally. As a nurse caring for the most fragile of infants, she's doing important work that should be respected. Please tell her to remind herself of that fact any time she feels "unimportant" because her efforts make the difference between life and death.

DEAR ABBY: I got pregnant by a man I'll call "Ryan," who was just a fling. When I told him, he told me to have an abortion. He even had a friend of his call, offer to pay for it and drive me.

Instead, I decided to "abort" Ryan from my life. I never told him when our baby was born. Part of me feels bad because I think every child should know his/her father and family members. Another man has been willing to step up and be a daddy for my child.

Should I even bother to let Ryan know? Should I give him a chance to rise to the occasion or keep things the way they are?-- LIVING MY LIFE IN INDIANA

DEAR LIVING YOUR LIFE: This is really a question you should ask a lawyer, just in case Ryan has already risen as much as he intends to. Whether or not someone has stepped up to be your baby's daddy, Ryan has a financial obligation to that child.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#2 May 6, 2013
L1: I think she goes "hands free" In order to fold laundry or do other useful things while gabbing with you.
L2: I don't think families should be held hostage to one person's weird work schedule. She doesn't work EVERY holiday, as you said. I know I don't like eating at 4, 5 p.m. at my boyfriend's family gatherings. My extended family always ate around noon, one at the latest.
Also, you could host something and then you'd get to dictate the time. Maybe.
L3: But she's found a replacemetn baby daddy, abby! I bet he even loves her!

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#3 May 6, 2013
1 I doubt she is doing it so the boyfriend can listen in, probably so she can surf the inet and chat with you.

2 Last I knew Holidays lasted 24hrs, so maybe she could work the nights or the AM shift on those days.

3 She admits he was just a fling, and has a replacement daddy waiting. Yeah lets upturn the apple cart for a few bucks.

“On Deck”

Since: Aug 08

French Polynesia

#4 May 6, 2013
L2. I'm just the opposite, Red.
I always volunteered to work those goofy holidays so I had a legitimate excuse to avoid family functions.
Works like a charm and my co-workers love me to pieces.
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

#5 May 6, 2013
LW1: I hate speaker phone. I used to have a boss that would pick me up on speaker phone and as soon as he heard it was me he turned it off. Unless there are several people that need to talk, it's rude. I don't like feeling like the whole world can walk in and hear me without me knowing. PLus, it's cotton-pickin' hard to hear/understand what the person ont eh other line is saying.
LW2: I kind of feel for his wife. It almost seems deliberate on the family's part. I only say this because it sounds like it's "Well, we're at eating at 12, so too bad!" Rather than, "It looks like it's going to work better for us at 12, but we hope you can come by after work and visit - we'll make you up a plate". We're in the habit of earlier family dinners. It started with my grandfather who was diabetic and needed/wanted to eat earlier. Plus my grandparent were old and set in theor old Eurpoean ways (bigmeal at lunch). Now we do the same thing. My parents are older. They like their big meal at lunch so the can go nap!:D

LW3: I love how she worded it about the "new" baby daddy! Like she was just hunting for a dad for her baby. Probably a druggie that beats her, but she doesn't care - it's a daddy for the baby!!!

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#6 May 6, 2013
L1: i'm with Stina. I really dislike the speaker phone mainly b/c it is difficult to hear. I tell people to get me off speaker unless there's a reason as Stina said.

L2: If the family cared they would encourage her to come after her shift, save her a plate, etc. There's something wrong here.

L3: So this woman wants to erase half of her baby's identity? You're scum.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#7 May 6, 2013
LW1: So self-important aren't we? I highly doubt that anything you have to say to your granddaughter is that earth-shattering. As others have stated, she's probably doing it so she can do other things while talking to you. If you can't hear her while on speaker then tell her that, but this bs that the bf is listening in is just that, bs.

LW2: "Your wife may have self-esteem issues that need to be addressed if she's taking this personally." WFT Abby? She's pissed that her family is making absolutely no effort to include her on holidays she has to work; of course she's taking it personally! I say continue to eff the family.

LW3: Not enough drama in your life? Because that is the only reason I can see for telling the sperm donor anything.
Cass

Rancho Cucamonga, CA

#8 May 6, 2013
LW3 - Nope, you don't have to tell Ryan, but be prepared that if you put his name on the birth certificate, he may find out and seek some custody. To put the new "baby daddy's" name on the birth certificate would be immoral, IMHO. And the new baby daddy should be aware that once he steps up, he may not be able to legally step down if it does not work out between the two of you.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#9 May 6, 2013
Cass wrote:
LW3 - Nope, you don't have to tell Ryan, but be prepared that if you put his name on the birth certificate, he may find out and seek some custody. To put the new "baby daddy's" name on the birth certificate would be immoral, IMHO. And the new baby daddy should be aware that once he steps up, he may not be able to legally step down if it does not work out between the two of you.
Ryan knew of the pregnancy. In Illinois if a father does not take soem steps or make efforts to see or assist with teh baby within 60-90 dyas, teh mom can terminate his parental rights making teh baby available for adoption whetehr Ryan cares or not.

Again, in Illinois, if there is a DNA paternity fight and a man agrees he is the dda he can't change his moind later if teh tests show otherwise. If there is just a voluntary support payment , he can challenge or get out of voluntary child support payments. We looked this up a year or two ago based on something edog said
Kuuipo

Marina, CA

#10 May 6, 2013
LW1: Your granddaughter just likes to talk hands-free. Buy her a bluetooth.

LW2: What Red said.

LW3: I pity the poor child who drew the short straw and got you two losers for parents.
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

#11 May 6, 2013
Kuuipo wrote:
LW1: Your granddaughter just likes to talk hands-free. Buy her a bluetooth.
Then she could look like one of those idiots with the thingie in their ear, too! Cool!

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#12 May 6, 2013
Sometimes in the morning, when it's emptier/quiet here, the guy 15 feet from me will get on his speaker phone and call the guy 20 feet from me in the other direction on HIS speaker phone. I can hear them in four different ways--I hear each of their voices in person, and I can hear the speaker phone aspect of their conversation. yay.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#13 May 6, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
Sometimes in the morning, when it's emptier/quiet here, the guy 15 feet from me will get on his speaker phone and call the guy 20 feet from me in the other direction on HIS speaker phone. I can hear them in four different ways--I hear each of their voices in person, and I can hear the speaker phone aspect of their conversation. yay.
I'd rather they just shout at each other. How irritating.
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

#14 May 6, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
Sometimes in the morning, when it's emptier/quiet here, the guy 15 feet from me will get on his speaker phone and call the guy 20 feet from me in the other direction on HIS speaker phone. I can hear them in four different ways--I hear each of their voices in person, and I can hear the speaker phone aspect of their conversation. yay.
They need to pick up a damn headset!!!

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#15 May 6, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
Sometimes in the morning, when it's emptier/quiet here, the guy 15 feet from me will get on his speaker phone and call the guy 20 feet from me in the other direction on HIS speaker phone. I can hear them in four different ways--I hear each of their voices in person, and I can hear the speaker phone aspect of their conversation. yay.
Two boys playing with toys.

“It made sense at the time....”

Since: May 09

Itasca, IL

#16 May 6, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
Sometimes in the morning, when it's emptier/quiet here, the guy 15 feet from me will get on his speaker phone and call the guy 20 feet from me in the other direction on HIS speaker phone. I can hear them in four different ways--I hear each of their voices in person, and I can hear the speaker phone aspect of their conversation. yay.
and no doubt a nice tinny echo as well... i'm about in the middle of the floor, adn teh guy right on the corner booms. he often calls two different guys teh other side of me from him. Boomer will be on speaker, adn teh other guys are eitehr right next to me (no cube wall) or loud (on the other side of tall cube wall).

just love that tinny echo...

“It made sense at the time....”

Since: May 09

Itasca, IL

#17 May 6, 2013
LW1 -use your words, say it echoes too much on speaker. as it is, my parents hate the bluetooth in my car, but whatever.

LW2 - niece's hospital has the system that everyone has to work one "summer" holiday - Memorial, fourth or labor - and one winter holiday - thanksgiving, christmas or NY. this way, everyone gets screwed once,a nd they know early enough in the year which holiday that is... doesn't solve the problem of a-hole relatives deliberately planning to eat when someone is unavaialble, but gives the nurse/doctor/tech an idea of which event/occassion to "fight"for.
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

#18 May 6, 2013
Aisle Sitter wrote:
LW1 -use your words, say it echoes too much on speaker. as it is, my parents hate the bluetooth in my car, but whatever.
While the car bluetooth is annoying, at least it's NECESSARY as opposed to one in an office or a house. If I am talking to someone in their car, I'd rather them be on a bluetooth than trying to hold a handset. I'd prefer it MORE if they'd talk to me when they aren't driving, but whatevs...

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#19 May 6, 2013
LW1: I think that’s odd too. I wonder if he is very controlling and he makes her do this.

LW2: Instead of jumping to conclusions, why doesn’t your wife ask her family members why they make no attempt to accommodate her schedule?

LW3: No … just leave that one be.

“It made sense at the time....”

Since: May 09

Itasca, IL

#20 May 6, 2013
Stina wrote:
<quoted text>
While the car bluetooth is annoying, at least it's NECESSARY as opposed to one in an office or a house. If I am talking to someone in their car, I'd rather them be on a bluetooth than trying to hold a handset. I'd prefer it MORE if they'd talk to me when they aren't driving, but whatevs...
my mom will call my cell at 5:30, and i think she expects me to be at home...? not sure what's up ihwt that.

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