“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#1 Aug 6, 2014
DEAR AMY: Is it ever appropriate to ask people the cost of items in their homes? I don't think so, while my husband maintains that it is fine to ask this question of family and close friends.

The issue arose when my father-in-law asked the cost of an aerial photo of our home that I had recently given to my husband as a gift. Does it matter if the questioner is actually considering a similar purchase or is just curious?

Finally, if you choose not to answer, what is the gracious response?-- Brought up Differently

DEAR BROUGHT UP: I'm with you; I don't think it's appropriate to ask the cost of an item. If your father-in-law was curious or considering a similar purchase, he could politely ask, "Was that really expensive? I'd love to have that done at our home." This leaves an opening for you to say, "Well, it wasn't too bad. Actually, here's the number of the guy we hired."

One gracious response to a question you simply don't want to answer was taught to me by a dear friend from Atlanta.

Just look the offender in the eye, pat him warmly on the arm and say, "Why, aren't you sweet to ask!" That's it.(August 2003)

DEAR AMY: My sister and brother-in-law often tell their children to "shut up." I cringe every time those words are used because they seem so demeaning and crude.

Recently I spent the day with my 3-year-old niece. She told me to "shut up," and I told her that wasn't nice and she shouldn't say that.

Because I do not have children and fear being told either to mind my own business or that I wouldn't understand raising children, how can I suggest they use "be quiet" rather than "shut up," or should I just stay out of it?-- I'd Rather "Be Quiet"

DEAR QUIET: Some parents mistakenly think that the only "foul" language they shouldn't use in front of the kids is that of the four-letter-word variety. But some language is far more hurtful than swearing. To my thinking, "shut up" is just about the worst thing you can say to a child, for the reasons you state.

Your niece handed you an opening with your sister. Tell Sis that her daughter said "shut up" in front of you, and act a little shocked. Say, "Whoa, I was really surprised. Do you see that she is repeating you?"

Truly, I'm not optimistic that you'll have much of an impact here, but I applaud you for wanting your nieces and nephews to be respected (and respectful). You're a good influence.(September 2003)

DEAR AMY: I'm a senior in high school and have a love-triangle problem. A friend with whom I am not very close has been dating the same boy for almost four years. The problem is that I have fallen in love with him.

I keep trying to tell myself to just wait until I leave high school and then find someone else, but I also know that he is very attracted to me as well. There is a very good chance we will be attending the same college. He is completely unaware of how I feel.

Should I keep trying to get over him or reveal my feelings to him and see what happens?-- Head over Heels

DEAR HEAD: First, catch some reruns of "Felicity." I think you've covered the back story to the first season in your letter.

It is very bad form for a young woman to attempt to move in on a guy who is otherwise involved in a long and committed relationship. Truth be told, 18-year-old girls have been known to ignore that rule, though I certainly hope you won't.

College is around the corner. I predict you'll have calculated the third angle to your love triangle before you figure out how to do your first load of laundry. But wait until then.(May 2004)

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

#2 Aug 6, 2014
Can't really get aroused by letters written over ten years ago. She should have done like a follow up or where are they now sort of thing. Think that would be a little more interesting

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#3 Aug 6, 2014
1 I am not one to ask unless I would be considering purchasing it, so I see nothing wrong when I do. But I know peeps who constantly ask, like they are keeping score or something. Those peeps annoy me.

2 Shut UP and MYOB

3 Sleep with both of them.
not a ghost

San Antonio, TX

#4 Aug 6, 2014
To LW1's opening question: no.

To LW2: hush

To LW3: Are you Joe King?

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#5 Aug 6, 2014
Lw1: What race said. Holy crap. Ease up on the formality. Its your FIL and he's interested in making the same purchase.

And Amy's "clever" response is just dumb.

LW2: Raise your kids when you get some. Deal with your niece how you want hen you are babysitting. Don't tell the parents how they should raise theirs. Maybe they spank and you're against all corporal punishment. Same deal. Not your place.

lw3: don't care.

Hancock, NY

#6 Aug 6, 2014
1: I agree with Race and Tonka here. I do not think it's wrong to ask family/veryclose friends this type of question if it's something you are thinking about purchasing. I wouldn't ask the exact cost probably but just a ball park figure. I know some people seem to make a career out of asking these questions just to be nosey and they seem to keep tabs on whether they got a better deal on something similar elsewhere. I might choose to not answer a question from them just for that reason. I do think Amy's friend's response is kind of cute. It tells the person you heard the question and then not responding to it directly means they are being told you don't want to answer.

2: I think this falls into the school and grandma category. A grandparent can't really tell her kids how to raise their kids unless asked. But she CAN teach those same grandchildren polite behavior when they are in her presence or at her home. The same goes for school. Kids come to school with all kinds of bad behavior and language. They are told that behavior and language is not appropriate in public places like school and they are expected to learn better behavior and language. Kids DO learn to behave differently in different circumstances/location. So the lw shouldn't find fault with the parents but should express her expectations to the kids when she is babysitting them or when they're in her home or car. I have actually pulled my car over to the side of the road when I had a friend and her children in my car. I said the car was not going anyplace until the kids were seated, wearing their seatbelts, and behaving politely because doing otherwise might distract me and cause an accident. The kids and their mom were shocked but the kids did as I said and the mom thanked me.

Chicago, IL

#7 Aug 6, 2014
edogxxx wrote:
Can't really get aroused by letters written over ten years ago. She should have done like a follow up or where are they now sort of thing. Think that would be a little more interesting
ITA, Dog. But that would require that Lamy actually Do Some Work. And we all know that lazy worthless hack ain't gonna do it.

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