abby 12-22-12

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#1 Dec 22, 2012
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I are in a long-distance relationship and agreed to split our visits 50-50 between our cities. Initially, it worked great. Unfortunately, his work schedule has changed, and for the past year he has come here to visit me only once every month or so, while I frequently drive for hours to see him.

He says that because he's away from home for work, it's only fair that I travel to see him since it's "less trouble" for me. I understand that he puts in a lot of time with travel for work, but at what point does the ratio become unbalanced and unfair?

I miss weekends in my city with my friends, and it makes me sad that he won't make the effort to see me. What do you think is right in this matter?-- UNCERTAIN IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR UNCERTAIN: "What's right" is the original agreement you had with your boyfriend, or something close to it. Because he is no longer willing to live up to his part in the bargain, consider seeing him less often.

Perhaps if he has a chance to miss you, he will feel impelled to make more of an effort. And if he's not, then you won't have to cut off your social relationships at home -- relationships you may need if this romance doesn't work out the way you would like.

DEAR ABBY: My wife of 32 years has delusional jealousy. It is so bad that she has checked my genitals and questioned the neighbors' wives. I have stayed in this marriage only because of our children, who are now adults.

I am at a crisis point where I want a divorce. I detest throwing 32 years away, but I have no love for this woman. We have sought counseling three times. However, once I start describing her delusions, the sessions quickly stop.-- WANTS OUT IN COLORADO

DEAR WANTS OUT: Nowhere in your letter could I discern a question, but from my vantage point, I disagree that you would "throw 32 years away." You used that time to make sure your children were grown and independent.

I'm sorry about your wife's delusions, but because she is unwilling to follow through with counseling, there is nothing you or I can do about them. If you want my permission to end this marriage, I can't grant it; only you can do that for yourself.

DEAR ABBY: My sister is engaged to a severe alcoholic. I host the annual Christmas dinners and I feel stuck. When he was here last year, he broke a wine glass that held special meaning for my husband and me and generally made a fool of himself.

Should I invite my sister and tell her that her fiance isn't welcome?(They live together.) He has gotten even worse this year. He broke three bones because he was so drunk he fell, and he left rehab three times in one month. I'm a cancer survivor and do not need the stress in my life.-- NERVOUS IN NEW YORK

DEAR NERVOUS: I agree that you shouldn't subject yourself to unnecessary stress. Your health must come first.

If you haven't discussed this with your sister, do it now. A way to include her and her fiance would be to serve no alcohol during your Christmas celebration. However, if that isn't feasible, then tell her that until her fiance is able to stay "dry," you regret that you will be unable to entertain them.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#2 Dec 22, 2012
1 Free milk and all that.

2 Checks your nutz? I would be sleeping with one eye open.

3 He drinks cause your sister is a nag. Dont invite your sister and he will be fine.

Since: Mar 09

West Palm Beach, FL

#3 Dec 22, 2012
L1: what Abby said.

L2: this went on way too long and went way too far. I have no advice at this point.

L3: you have the right to keep toxic people out of your life.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#4 Dec 22, 2012
1- So he only wants to see you when it's convenient for him? Nothing wrong with that.

2- I was bothered a bit by the line "once I start describing her delusions, the sessions quickly stop." Maybe your wife is the one that needs to explain why she is behaving in this way?

3- Nothing good will come of inviting your sister and not her live-in fiance. Either invite them both or neither.

Since: Mar 09

Pittsburgh, PA

#5 Dec 22, 2012
LW2 - Checked your genitals? For what?! Signs of use? Lipstick maybe? ;-)
not a ghost

San Antonio, TX

#6 Dec 22, 2012
I hope none of these are real.

Salinas, CA

#7 Dec 22, 2012
LW1: This relationship is winding down.

LW2: I am always fascinated by people who have stayed DECADES in an unhealthy relationship. You've sought counseling 3 times and the sessions stop once you describe her delusions? Really? Who stopped the sessions? Certainly, a trained therapist could refer you if s/he felt unqualified to address your issues. Perhaps your wife should see a psychiatrist rather than a therapist. In any case, YOU are responsible for allowing this problem to continue for THIRTY-TWO years. Get some counseling for yourself to develop better relationship skills so that you don't continue to be so utterly passive.

LW3: I agree with edog. You never invite one person and not their SO. Your sister is an idiot for getting engaged to this man, but she'll need to figure that out for herself. Invite both of them and serve only Martinelli's. Or water down the tequila.

Gilberts, IL

#8 Dec 22, 2012
Last Christmas, my dad broke: our wine bottle opener, a wine glass, and something else (don't remember--a mug, maybe). He also acted kind of like a fool. But he wasn't drunk ... he's a clumsy geek without being drunk.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#9 Dec 22, 2012
I have broken several wine openers, I kept the cork that still had the corkscrew imbedded in it.
pde wrote:
Last Christmas, my dad broke: our wine bottle opener, a wine glass, and something else (don't remember--a mug, maybe). He also acted kind of like a fool. But he wasn't drunk ... he's a clumsy geek without being drunk.

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