Posted in the Chicago Forum
#1 Jan 20, 2013
DEAR ABBY: I'm two months pregnant with my second child. Our first child is a boy. My problem is my mother. She loves her grandson dearly, but she's desperate for a granddaughter.
Recently, the subject of names came up. Although we have already decided on a name if the child is a boy, we had not discussed girls names at length.
When Mother asked me what the girl's name would be, I said I had always liked "Melody," and that if I had my way, that is what I'd name a girl. My mother immediately started knitting an afghan with the name Melody on it.
A week later, my husband said that while he didn't mind the name Melody, he thought we should decide on a name together. I tried to tell Mom that Melody might not be the name we choose. Her response was, "Well, my granddaughter will always be Melody to me."
Mom and I are very close, but she can be extremely stubborn. What's the best way to tell her we have decided on another name?-- WHAT'S IN A NAME IN CANADA
DEAR WHAT'S: Tell her in plain English, and do it before the afghan has to be unraveled and redone. If she insists on completing the blanket with the wrong name, accept it graciously and quietly donate it to charity.
DEAR ABBY: I was a busy wife, mother and grandmother who had always been active and involved in my church and community. When my beloved husband died three years ago, everything changed. I became so consumed by grief, all my regular activities suddenly meant nothing to me.
My children and grandchildren were busy with their own families and careers. I missed having someone to talk to and began feeling deeply lonely, even in a crowd.
Then something remarkable happened: I learned I have an incurable cancer. I was so scared and worried, I couldn't eat or sleep. One of my sons took me to a world-famous cancer center. Everyone I met there was loving and kind, and radiated positive feelings. Once again, I felt surrounded by love -- and it changed my outlook.
I was able to return to my hometown for further treatment in a cancer center here, and I return to the larger center for follow-ups. Now I have the best of two worlds -- a world-famous cancer center a plane ride away, and the ability to sleep in my own bed at night. I also have people in two centers who treat me with love and respect. Community and church members are rallying around me to show their support. I feel blessed and content, and the best part is I am no longer afraid.
Abby, what do you think about my change in attitude? Am I in denial or experiencing some new stage of grief? I don't want to have cancer. I don't want to leave everyone behind. But I am not afraid to die.-- LOVING EVERY DAY WITHOUT FEAR
DEAR LOVING: What you have experienced could be called an epiphany. In your case, it may be the simple, striking and illuminating discovery that once you felt again surrounded by love, respect and security, leaving this world and joining your husband in the next no longer held terror, but gave you peace.
“Where is Everyone?”
Since: Jul 12
#2 Jan 20, 2013
Thanks for posting, dahgts!
L1: Abby is crazy. You donate that afghan to charity that has the wrong name on it and you'll never hear the end of it. Be kind but extremely firm in the name to your mother and tell her you will not stand for your daughter to be called the wrong name. End of story.
L2: You were lonely and depressed. Now you have people and activities in your life. It's a shame that it comes at the price of your life.
Since: Jun 09
#3 Jan 20, 2013
My girls are 3 1/2 years apart. When I was pregnant with the 2nd, Disney re-released Peter Pan. Elder daughter was enthralled and wanted the new baby sister to be named Wendy. She was not shy about it and she told people as if it was an accepted fact.
When the baby was born, the day care center made a big banner welcoming L's little sister Wendy. When the pediatrician gave us the little book with birth weight and length and paces for immunizations etc it was titled Wendy's book.
The baby's initials are M P.
It is now a long running family story,and a "secret" name for younger daughter by her sister.
Corollary which I hope LW does not have to deal with. We took L to the sibling class at the hospital. When she came up to visit MP and me, she was allowed to sit in the chair and hold the baby. We have a great photo of her protectively holding this day old newborn with a fierce look on her face that clearly says absolutely NO ONE was going to mess with her and her sister. Cute in a 3 year old, scary in a grandmother. I'd be worried about things that have changed like placing babies to sleep on their back and the insistence on car seats .
#4 Jan 20, 2013
LW1: Your mother needs to grow the eff up. And in future, share NO info with her until it's already a done deal.
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