“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#1 May 11, 2014
DEAR ABBY: When I was growing up, I was taught to love animals and I had several. For various reasons I never had to deal with making the decision to put one to sleep.

As I grew older, I realized we don't have the right to "own" living creatures, but we can take care of them. Eventually, my dog became ill and I had to make the choice to put him down. It was heartbreaking, and while I support my local animal shelter, I vowed to never again have another animal I would have to make that decision for.

Now my children are asking me to find a dog for them, and I'm at a loss about what to do. Do I first make them aware that the animal we love will die in some fashion, including that we may have to decide to put him to sleep? Or do I let them have an animal and let them deal with the heartbreak when the time comes? Thanks for your input.-- ANIMAL GUARDIAN IN MICHIGAN

DEAR ANIMAL GUARDIAN: If your children are young, let them enjoy having a pet to love without worrying about the fact that its life span may not be forever. If you do, they will learn about responsible pet ownership in good time, as well as the responsibility that comes when the pet becomes so old or sick that it can no longer enjoy life. While death is a part of life, I don't think that reality should be impressed upon your children now.

DEAR ABBY: I am getting married soon, and I am not inviting one of my co-workers, "Darrell," who I know will be hurt. I have looked up to him as an uncle for a few years. We eat lunch together and share gossip, but my fiance and I decided not to invite him even though we are inviting other people from the office.

Darrell was recently arrested for supposedly raping his daughter. He went to court, but the daughter failed to appear, so the charges were dropped. Since then, even though I consider him a friend, I have seen him in a different light.

I know he could be innocent, but my fiance and I do not want him at our wedding around family and kids. I don't know how to tell him he won't be invited. What should I say or not say?-- BRIDE-TO-BE IN THE USA

DEAR BRIDE-TO-BE: I can't think of a polite way to tell someone you're afraid your family members wouldn't be safe around him, and I don't think it will be necessary because Darrell is going to get the picture without anything being said.

It's regrettable that your co-worker didn't have his day in court because at the office it appears he has already been found guilty. It goes without saying that you have to find a luncheon partner and mentor besides Darrell, so be prepared.

DEAR READERS: A happy Mother's Day to mothers everywhere -- birth mothers, adoptive and foster mothers, stepmothers, and grandmothers who are raising grandchildren. Orchids to you, for the love you give every day. Love, ABBY

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

#2 May 11, 2014
1- Get a tortoise, it will outlive you all

2- You claim he might be innocent, but so what, right? He'll be glad to have such a judgmental btch out if his life

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#3 May 11, 2014
edogxxx wrote:
1- Get a tortoise, it will outlive you all
2- You claim he might be innocent, but so what, right? He'll be glad to have such a judgmental btch out if his life
1. You will never get any exercise to speak of walking your tortoise.

2. I am of two minds on this. If the daughter was old enough to show up in court this probably was not a matter of a vengeful ex-wife making child abuse accusations. Besides around here, the cops are pretty attuned to that.

OTOH if the cops thought they had enough to brings charges and convinced the states attorney to go forward they could do so even with an unwilling victim. The R. Kelly case comes to mind. He was acquitted but the victim and her mom were not cooperative and it went to court anyway.

Even so, that is not a risk I would want to take. I would want towarn my relatives with younger kids and that warning would hang over teh wedding. All in all, I agree with teh bride on not inviting Darrell. I can't decide if I would tell him in advance though.

Tough situation.

Hancock, NY

#4 May 11, 2014
1: Why would you want your kids to think about their pet's eventual death every day they have it? I shudder at that thought.

I understand that having to put your beloved pet to sleep is a very difficult thing to do. But people need to buck up and just do it when the time comes. I've had to do it for pets and my husband couldn't bear it. I'm the one who held them and soothed them as the end came and I feel good about that part - that I put their feelings and interests first and kept my emotions in check well enough to remain calm and loving while it was done. I have to give credit to the veterinarians who have to do this kind of thing so often. It must be hard on them too but they care enough to know it's the only thing they can do for the animal.

2: It would have been nice if you'd told us the age of the daughter who was allegedly raped. Little kids aren't likely to lie about something like that unless prompted to do so by a parent or other significant person in their lives. A teenager might lie about it if they think they're getting even for some perceived wrong done to them. I've seen (or rather heard of) that happen on about 2 times and in both cases it involved their teachers. The incidents were in different places more than 100 miles apart and at least a decade or two apart. Both had to do with the teachers getting the girls angry. One was in regard to a bad grade and the other had to do with ongoing disciplinary problems in class and getting a bad grade. Both girls had told at least one friend about her plot to get even with the teacher and the friends told school authorities. Both girls eventually admitted they had lied in order to get the teacher in trouble.

It bothers me a lot that some kids lie about sexual assault because it makes it so much harder for actual victims to come forward and for them to deal with the aftermath of doing so. It also badly damages an innocent person's reputation. They'll have that blot on their record for the remainder of their lives whether they have their day in court or not. It's like once they're accused, they're guilty in some people's eyes forever - even if a judge or jury finds them innocent.

So why didn't the girl show in court? Does the lw think the father threatened her in some way? Did someone else scare her about what may happen (as in the accusations the defense might throw at her in court or how awful the experience would be to relive the whole thing while telling a courtroom full of people) or tell her that she's an awful person to put her own dad in jail? Or did she simply realize that lying about something that serious would do irreparable harm to her family? Or maybe she realized that the harm she wanted to have done was already done and she didn't even have to perjure herself in court? I guess only she and her dad will ever know the truth of what happened. I feel for the girl if he really did rape her and I feel for the dad if she was lying about it. This is one reason many people believe in God; they need to know that out there somewhere is someone else who knows the truth and that justice will be done at some point in time.

Ok, end of my rant. Thanks for reading. ;-)

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#5 May 11, 2014
1 Your avoidance of responsibility is creepy. I am amazed that you chose to have children.

2 The daughter is now an adult, but could be speaking about her childhood. I have heard horror stories where the dad was accused because the kid has this memory implanted by their therapist. There was a spat of that happening a few years ago.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#6 May 11, 2014
Lw1: So you had a lifetime of joy with pets. Presumably had this pet for his whole life. And you choose to live the rest of your life depriving yourself of having that joy again, just to avoid the difficult end.
Now, instead of letting your kids experience that same joy, you want to thrust upon them the misery before necessary?

You need help.

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