Cass

Claremont, CA

#2 Mar 17, 2014
LW1 - Wow. Something is going on with your daughter that is beyond flirting with other girls. She asked you if you were going to place her for adoption, and she really was worried that you would? She said she was going to run away? This kid is anxious that you don't want her! And she is acting out. I'd suggest looking for a competent child psychologist to talk this over with.

LW2 - Well, you can tell that MS is definitely all in your head since it is caused by the demyelienation of nerve endings in your brain, optic nerve, or spinal cord. Since the brain and the optic nerve ARE located in your head, these idiots are sort of right.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#4 Mar 17, 2014
Yeah, I wouldn't say the daughter is acting grown up, she's acting out. Get her some therapy, maybe get her on drugs.
Pippa

Hancock, NY

#5 Mar 17, 2014
1: I agree with Cass. There's something more going on with this child. She's feeling very insecure. I'm not sure that having her schedule filled with activities is the solution. She may feel overwhelmed by that. However, I do think if these girls are always getting in trouble it is probably a good idea to give her an opportunity to find new friends and new activities would likely do that. The other thing is it might be a good idea for them to see a counselor such as a licensed social worker together. The point is to find out why this child is feeling insecure and for the mom to learn how to help her. There's no mention of a dad. Did this lw adopt the girl on her own or is she divorced? A divorce might help explain the girl's insecurity. A lot of kids get the impression they are at fault for their parents' divorce. This would certainly help explain the girl's insecurity. But all that is supposition as we don't really know what, if any, other things have been going on.

2: I'm so sorry about your illness. I suppose most folks are just taken off balance when they hear about it and say the first thing that pops into their brains. As for those who say it's all in your head, I like Abby's response. I wish I'd known it some years back when my sister was terminally ill and on home hospice care. Her daughter-in-law insisted she was not even sick - that she was faking it to get her son's and everyone else's attention.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#6 Mar 17, 2014
DEAR ABBY: My 11-year-old daughter, "Gwen," just started middle school. She makes good grades, but she's strong-willed. Do kids grow up instantly when they start middle school?

She wants to know if she can have a boyfriend. I told her not until she's 15. Now she's flirting with girls who ask her out. I told her to stay away from them, not because they are les bians but because they are not good girls. They are always in trouble.

Gwen says I'm too strict, and if I don't stop, she will run away. I ad opted her at birth (it was an open ad option), and she recently asked me if I am going to place her for ad option. She was worried that I would. I am very concerned that she is hanging out with the wrong crowd. Any advice?-- SAN ANTONIO MOM

DEAR MOM: People do not grow up "instantly." I know individuals who are immature at 50, and I'm sure if you think about it, so do you. From what you have told me about your daughter, it's clear that she is far from the grown-up she thinks she is.

If you do not to want Gwen to date until she is older, that is your prerogative as her parent. The gender of the person isn't the issue.

Because you think she is hanging out with the wrong crowd, my advice is to make sure she is so busy she doesn't have time to spend with them. Involve her in activities outside of school -- sports, scouting, music or art. And be sure she knows that you are her forever mother and that nothing she could ever do will lessen your love for her.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#7 Mar 17, 2014
L2
DEAR ABBY: I am a 29-year-old woman who has just been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. It has been a rough road, and I'm lucky to have such a supportive group.

My issue is, when people find out, I get comments such as, "Wow, you look so GOOD!" or suggestions on how I should "cure" my MS. The most hurtful one was that it's all in my head.

While I appreciate that folks care and want to offer help, I find their comments offensive and hurtful. How do I respond tactfully, but also convey that they should think twice before they say these things?-- UPSET IN OHIO

DEAR UPSET: If someone says you look good, respond as you would to any other compliment -- say thank you. When someone offers a suggestion about how you can "cure" yourself, you'll save yourself a lot of frustration if you keep in mind that the person cares enough about you to try to be helpful. All you need to do is smile and say firmly that you are under a doctor's care and are satisfied with the treatment you are receiving.

And, heaven forbid, if another individual tells you that your MS is "all in your head," remember that just because a jackass brays does not mean you have to pay attention.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#8 Mar 17, 2014
L3
TO MY IRISH READERS: I received this Irish prayer from a reader. I'm sharing it with you today in honor of St. Patrick's Day:

Take time to work,

It is the price of success,

Take time to think,

It is the source of power.

Take time to play,

It is the secret of perpetual youth.

Take time to read,

It is the foundation of wisdom.

Take time to be friendly,

It is the road to happiness.

Take time to love and be loved,

It is the privilege of the gods.

Take time to share,

Life is too short to be selfish.

Take time to laugh,

Laughter is the music of the soul.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#9 Mar 17, 2014
You lost abby!

DEAR ABBY: My 11-year-old daughter, "Gwen," just started middle school. She makes good grades, but she's strong-willed. Do kids grow up instantly when they start middle school?

She wants to know if she can have a boyfriend. I told her not until she's 15. Now she's flirting with girls who ask her out. I told her to stay away from them, not because they are lesbians but because they are not good girls. They are always in trouble.

Gwen says I'm too strict, and if I don't stop, she will run away. I adopted her at birth (it was an open adoption), and she recently asked me if I am going to place her for adoption. She was worried that I would. I am very concerned that she is hanging out with the wrong crowd. Any advice?
SAN ANTONIO MOM

DEAR MOM: People do not grow up "instantly." I know individuals who are immature at 50, and I'm sure if you think about it, so do you. From what you have told me about your daughter, it's clear that she is far from the grown-up she thinks she is.

If you do not to want Gwen to date until she is older, that is your prerogative as her parent. The gender of the person isn't the issue.

Because you think she is hanging out with the wrong crowd, my advice is to make sure she is so busy she doesn't have time to spend with them. Involve her in activities outside of school -- sports, scouting, music or art. And be sure she knows that you are her forever mother and that nothing she could ever do will lessen your love for her.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 29-year-old woman who has just been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. It has been a rough road, and I'm lucky to have such a supportive group.

My issue is, when people find out, I get comments such as, "Wow, you look so GOOD!" or suggestions on how I should "cure" my MS. The most hurtful one was that it's all in my head.

While I appreciate that folks care and want to offer help, I find their comments offensive and hurtful. How do I respond tactfully, but also convey that they should think twice before they say these things?
UPSET IN OHIO

DEAR UPSET: If someone says you look good, respond as you would to any other compliment -- say thank you. When someone offers a suggestion about how you can "cure" yourself, you'll save yourself a lot of frustration if you keep in mind that the person cares enough about you to try to be helpful. All you need to do is smile and say firmly that you are under a doctor's care and are satisfied with the treatment you are receiving.

And, heaven forbid, if another individual tells you that your MS is "all in your head," remember that just because a jackass brays does not mean you have to pay attention.

CONFIDENTIAL TO MY IRISH READERS: I received this Irish prayer from a reader. I'm sharing it with you today in honor of St. Patrick's Day:

Take time to work,
It is the price of success,
Take time to think,
It is the source of power.
Take time to play,
It is the secret of perpetual youth.
Take time to read,
It is the foundation of wisdom.
Take time to be friendly,
It is the road to happiness.
Take time to love and be loved,
It is the privilege of the gods.
Take time to share,
Life is too short to be selfish.
Take time to laugh,
Laughter is the music of the soul.

“I looked, and behold,”

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#10 Mar 17, 2014
LW1: 11 is kinda young to be playing grab a$s and flirting. She seems to be seeking out negative attention. You need to reassure her and spend more time with her and be more involved with her. Do girl stuff together. Maybe take her and some of her friends to do such things ... so you can see who she is hanging out with and be a positive role model. Get her involved in activities.

LW2: Not sure why you are telling everyone if you are so sensitive about it. When folks say stupid stuff, ignore and move on.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#11 Mar 17, 2014
Oops -- Well Pellen, maybe one of ours will take.

L1: Have the girls she thinks are the bad crowd over to her house to play or do homework. If you just forbid everything that kid is going to keep rebelling. In the meantime, family counselling. I'm wondering if it's the mom being too strict or the girl who has some trauma in her life.

L2: Good answers from Abby.
pellen

Deerfield, IL

#12 Mar 17, 2014
Toj wrote:
Oops -- Well Pellen, maybe one of ours will take.
L1: Have the girls she thinks are the bad crowd over to her house to play or do homework. If you just forbid everything that kid is going to keep rebelling. In the meantime, family counselling. I'm wondering if it's the mom being too strict or the girl who has some trauma in her life.
L2: Good answers from Abby.
Both did .

I have signed out and can see my 3 separate letters and your full column. It is just after 10. Let's see if they stay up.
Pippa

Hancock, NY

#13 Mar 17, 2014
pellen wrote:
<quoted text>
Both did .
I have signed out and can see my 3 separate letters and your full column. It is just after 10. Let's see if they stay up.
Mine doesn't show? I posted the entire column right after Cass's remarks on the column which did not show at the time. I just refreshed my page and I see mine as well as the two others. Looks like the topix police are working hard today just on this thread. ;-)

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#14 Mar 17, 2014
Pippa wrote:
<quoted text>
Mine doesn't show? I posted the entire column right after Cass's remarks on the column which did not show at the time. I just refreshed my page and I see mine as well as the two others. Looks like the topix police are working hard today just on this thread. ;-)
When they pull a post the original poster can still see it. No one else can. That's why I posted from my signed -in account and then verified after I had signed out.

Sometimes it seems to be "hot" words that tigger it or inclusion of a website link. It my lso be a hidden code in teh original source to discourage cut ad paste copying. I went o the Abby Uexpress site.

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

#15 Mar 17, 2014
Team Sublime. What are 11 year old girls doing flirting with EACH OTHER and stuff? Isn't that a little young?

That girl needs therapy because I do agree she's insecure. I can't even imagine my 11 year old wanting to date. That's the LAST thing on her mind!

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#16 Mar 17, 2014
Stina2 wrote:
Team Sublime. What are 11 year old girls doing flirting with EACH OTHER and stuff? Isn't that a little young?
That girl needs therapy because I do agree she's insecure. I can't even imagine my 11 year old wanting to date. That's the LAST thing on her mind!
I can remember being 11 and having crush on boys. The "dating" (not endorsed by parents) was stating that you were "going out". That's about it. That and you passed notes and paid more attention to each other.

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

#17 Mar 17, 2014
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
I can remember being 11 and having crush on boys. The "dating" (not endorsed by parents) was stating that you were "going out". That's about it. That and you passed notes and paid more attention to each other.
That I can see. I guess I was just thinking of it more like real dating and making out and stuff. Giggling, passing notes and holding hands is not a big deal.
blunt advice

Summit, NJ

#18 Mar 17, 2014
1. I agree about extra curricular activities to steer her away from a bad crowd. Get her help for the insecurity and running away issues. The flirting with girls thing could be an attempt to get you to allow a boyfriend. If not then you will have to figure out, maybe with counseling of your own, how to be appropriate and responsible when it comes to sleepovers with other girls.
boundary painter

Waco, TX

#19 Mar 18, 2014
LW1 needs to stop giving the Alamo City a bad name. Let Gwen go to
chaperoned dances and be involved in positive activities with good
kids her own age--so Gwen won't have to sneak and/or count the days until she can finally leave this "mommy".

LW2 got a good answer. Llike the saying about the braying donkey.

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