“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#1 Jul 19, 2013
DEAR ABBY: I have been living with my girlfriend, "Robin," for four years. She has children from a previous marriage, and their father is fairly active in their lives. I jumped in and have taken the kids to activities, helped with homework and I pay the majority of the bills. I dearly love the children.

My problem is I no longer love their mother. Robin and I are like roommates who share a bed. There is no passion, no joy together and no partnership. I spend my time with the kids or alone. She's with them at different activities or busy on her computer. When I suggest ways we could bond together, she says, "I'm too tired," or "I don't want to do that," or "This is the way it is!"

I have stayed this long only for the kids, but I'm unhappy to the point of aching. I feel guilty about leaving and the strain it will put on the kids. Is there a way to leave a situation like this? Am I a bad man for wanting out and possibly leaving the children to a tougher life?-- UNHAPPY IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR UNHAPPY: Because the woman you're living with shows no interest in improving the quality of the relationship, wanting to leave does not make you a bad person. You will have to accept that because the children depend upon you for certain things they will be affected by your departure. It's too bad you didn't consider that before moving in with someone who had a family.

Try to make the breakup as civil as possible. Before you go, talk to each of the children individually. Make it clear that they are not the reason the relationship is ending and that you will always care about them. That way, they won't think they did something bad and blame themselves.

DEAR ABBY: My only daughter, "Claire," who is 25, has always had a strong work ethic. Her boyfriend "Charles" has never held a job, either during college or in the year and a half he has been out of school. They were living with his parents until Claire accepted a one-year job overseas. Charles followed.

Claire's salary isn't great, so I know she has little money saved, but she wants to start planning her wedding when they return. Should I stick with tradition and pay for it or listen to my head, which is telling me I don't want to see her marry Charles until he has held a full-time job for at least a year? I think she can do better, but I suppose she could also do worse. They do seem to love each other.-- HESITANT MOTHER

DEAR MOTHER: Listen to your head. When Claire returns, let her know that she and her fiance will be paying for the wedding. It will be an introduction to the financial realities she and her husband will encounter after their marriage. Later on, when they're considering buying a home, you can give them the money that might have been spent on the wedding as part of their down payment -- if they are still together.

DEAR ABBY: How do I break up with friends who I love but have nothing in common with anymore? I'm married with a child, but as a new business owner, I don't have time to meet their needs. How do you tell people in a loving way that you have appreciated their friendship in the past, but it's over? We have grown apart.-- DON'T HAVE THE TIME

DEAR DON'T: Is it possible that your feelings are temporary, and that you are simply overwhelmed by the demands of your new business? If so, I'd hate to see you end friendships with people you love. Relationships don't always remain at the same level or have the same intensity. Rather than cut the people off entirely, explain that you can't be as available because you have a new business and don't have the time. It would be kinder.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#2 Jul 19, 2013
1- Get over yourself, mom and the kids will be fine, they'll just move in with the next loser mom meets at the biker bar.

2- Hmmm, you don't approve of her boyfriend so you're dangling the purse strings in front of her...

3- You're a btch. Friends get married, have kids, move away for a new job. You don't need to cut off contact just because you can't hang out in the bars every weekend anymore.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#3 Jul 19, 2013
L1: Two choices: Couples counseling or break up. Personally, I think she's keeping you around solely for the kids. YOu make her life a lot easier, and she doesn't have to have sex with you. It's like you're married.

L2: Tradition? YOu do not EVER owe your child a wedding. Pay what you want, don't pay more than you can afford.

L3: And when your kid gets older and you're ready to have friends again, what will you do? You'll whine that your childless friends never understood what it's like to be a parent and it's all their fault. You suck.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#4 Jul 19, 2013
1 Of course abby is right, its your fault that you moved in with a divorced woman with kids who you have let into your heart. Bad man! You're a very bad man!

2 Gee, your daughter seems to have found a guy who loves her and she loves him, what a shame.
If the guy is such a loser (and abby seems to agree with you) and your daughter is such a winner, then dont you think she is intelligent enough to recognize this on her own?

3 Yes, dump your old friends and get new ones and have play dates.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#5 Jul 19, 2013
LW1: For the kids, you need to convince her to go to family counceling.

LW2: Either decide to pay, regardless of your feelings for her guy, or don't.

LW3: Geez, why you got to burn the bridge lady? Pretty sure they're already aware that you don't have a lot of time to give them.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#6 Jul 19, 2013
LW1: Leave

LW2:$$ should not be used to control your daughter. Let her make her own decisions in life, for better or worse.

LW3: If you are not interested in a friendship, just decline invitations to get together.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#7 Jul 19, 2013
squishymama wrote:
LW1: For the kids, you need to convince her to go to family counceling.
For him, he needs to ditch the btch. He's being used.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#8 Jul 19, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
For him, he needs to ditch the btch. He's being used.
But he clearly cares about the kids, so he will not be able to just dump the b!tch. He needs some help to do it so he feels that he's done right by the children.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#9 Jul 19, 2013
Your avatar reminds me of the American flag.
squishymama wrote:
<quoted text>
But he clearly cares about the kids, so he will not be able to just dump the b!tch. He needs some help to do it so he feels that he's done right by the children.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#10 Jul 19, 2013
RACE wrote:
Your avatar reminds me of the American flag.
<quoted text>
That was taken on the 4th of July, and yes, I purposely picked dressed that when they stood next to each other, they would look like a flag.

They were so cute!

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#11 Jul 19, 2013
squishymama wrote:
But he clearly cares about the kids, so he will not be able to just dump the b!tch. He needs some help to do it so he feels that he's done right by the children.
That's just too bad. They're not his kids and they are innocent in all this, but he's got this "it's up to me to save the world" complex. The mother and kids were just fine before he came into their lives, they'll be just fine afterward. Their father is active in their lives, so it's not like he's taking on some grate and important role, but he wants to think he is.

Hey, I can feel for the dude. You get attached to the precious little kids and you hate the idea you might never see them again. But you gotta do what's right for YOU. If he just doesn't have the feelings for the mother anymore, regardless of anything, he needs to leave.
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

#12 Jul 19, 2013
LW1 is another reason why a person with kids shouldn't just let people move in all willy nilly.

LW2: She is old enough to pay for her own wedding anyway. But you can offer to help a little if you want. If you don't, don't.

LW3: Why do you have to call a friendship off? IF you have other things going on, you hsve things going on. I have friends I only talk to every few months or so because we are busy. Friendship doesn't mean you have to talk every day or even every week. Grow up.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#13 Jul 19, 2013
It worked!
squishymama wrote:
<quoted text>
That was taken on the 4th of July, and yes, I purposely picked dressed that when they stood next to each other, they would look like a flag.
They were so cute!

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#14 Jul 19, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
That's just too bad. They're not his kids and they are innocent in all this, but he's got this "it's up to me to save the world" complex. The mother and kids were just fine before he came into their lives, they'll be just fine afterward. Their father is active in their lives, so it's not like he's taking on some grate and important role, but he wants to think he is.
Hey, I can feel for the dude. You get attached to the precious little kids and you hate the idea you might never see them again. But you gotta do what's right for YOU. If he just doesn't have the feelings for the mother anymore, regardless of anything, he needs to leave.
It sounds to me that maybe trying to save the relationship is the thing that's right for him.

I think he's probably being used too. I understand what you are saying, absolutely. BUT, we don't know if the gf is going through a depressed period and a little counselling and their life will be like a Disney movie. Probably not, but you never know.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#15 Jul 19, 2013
L1: Counselling b/c this guy wants it so bad and you might as well make sure you tried you're very best.

L2: I think the idea of waiting until some other event like a house downpayment would be a good thing. They could absolutely be in love and make all the right choices. If they want to be together they will and they'll learn to do it with the resources they have.

L3: You sound like a b*tch and that you're bragging. It just does to me. Your friends do not deserve you.

Since: May 13

Monterey, CA

#16 Jul 19, 2013
Team edog with a side of squishymama. Happy Friday!!! Hurry up 5:00 PM.

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