“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#1 Apr 13, 2013
DEAR AMY: I am a 22-year-old student in my last year of classes for pharmacy school. For the next year, I will be out on rotation (working in different pharmacy settings on an unpaid basis to gain experience out in the field).

I have been with my boyfriend, a fellow graduate student, for the past three years. We have a committed relationship and have discussed our future. We have agreed we would like to live together.

I recently tried gauging my mother and was shot down with, "I'm not interested in that." There was no discussion or explanation. I know my parents are not happy with my relationship. They never ask about John when I'm home, and they get visibly uncomfortable if I mention his name.

I have consistently maintained high grades, held a good job and participated in extracurricular activities throughout my school career; having a boyfriend has not detracted from any of these things.

I feel I am an adult who is making smart choices. I know I am lucky to have my parents' financial support for my housing. They pay for my rent. I understand he who holds the purse makes the call (I would not be able to afford living on my own paycheck).

I know if I wanted to live with a female friend they would have no qualms. It is certainly their right to withhold payment if they don't like my living situation. Am I behaving like an entitled and whiny teenager? Or do I have a valid argument that is worth bringing up?-- Broke Student

DEAR BROKE: You don't sound particularly whiny, but you definitely feel entitled.

It is obvious that you understand with accuracy the simple math here -- as long as your folks pay for your rent, they can try to control you. As long as you accept this financial support, you will have to make some compromises, just as you are making choices and compromises with your career.

My main concern is not whether you and your boyfriend should get to live together, but why your folks won't acknowledge this person and welcome him into your family's life in even a tangential way. That is an issue worth pursuing.

DEAR AMY: My 32-year-old daughter has an 8-year-old son and has been divorced for six years. Due to severe financial problems, she and her son are living with us, and she owes us a large amount of money.

Earlier this month she began dating a recently divorced father of two young children. Sunday she told us she was going to marry this man. We have not yet met him, and neither one of them has met each other's children. Her father and I want her to be happy, but we think this is wholly ill-advised, especially considering there are three young children involved.

Her ex is unfit to take custody of her son. I don't believe she would agree to allowing us to continue to raise her child in our home, but I fear greatly for his emotional and physical safety. To be honest, grandpa and I take more responsibility for his health and education than she does.

Any advice would be appreciated.-- Midwest Grandma

DEAR GRANDMA: I agree that your daughter shows very poor judgment. Your grandson might do best staying in your stable and loving household, but you should know that your daughter's custodial rights as his mother outweigh yours. Run this past a lawyer.

Continue to be a champion for this child and do your best to influence your daughter, but understand that ultimately you cannot simply keep this child without his mother's permission -- even if you are convinced it is best for him.

DEAR AMY: I enjoy your column and, in general, agree with your level-headed approach to problem-solving.

The lady who signed her letter "Torn and Confused" was troubled by an indecisive boyfriend. I think you should have asked her whether she loves him. The answer to that question should be pivotal to the advice going forward.-- Doug

DEAR DOUG: The Tina Turner song asks: "What's love got to do with it?"

Sometimes, the answer is, "not too much."

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#2 Apr 13, 2013
1- Did Amy answer her question? Anyway, your parents don't want to pay for you and your black boyfriend to live together.

2- So she wants to marry this man that she just started dating earlier this month but neither have met the other's children? She sounds like a real winner, no wonder she's still a loser at 32. But I think you're jumping the gun here and worrying way too soon. She just started a relationship and you're already marrying her off and wanting to take custody of her son. I say you step back, take a deep breath, and chill. She'll dump this guy in another month, or he'll dump her.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#3 Apr 13, 2013
Anyway, your parents don't want to pay for you and your ...boyfriend to live together.

It doesn't matter what the reason, her folks are against pre-marital co-habitation. It's their nickel, so that is a call they can make.

Amy makes a good point about why they won't acknowledge him. That part just might be based on prejudce abstain a particular ethnicity.

L2 - maybe LW is taking this wrong because she i scared to lose her grandson. What if hr daughter ha not announced a wedding date but has only meant to say that this guy is one she wants to marry, like announcing love at first sight. It would fit the timing...unless he is really rich, of course.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#4 Apr 13, 2013
1 edog took my answer.

2 I wanna know why you mentioned the money. It has no contribution other than to further denagrad your daughter

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#5 Apr 13, 2013
I got it now.

L1 is a gay man.

“Colorful Beyond Words”

Since: May 11

"True Love Never Ends "

#6 Apr 13, 2013
Ding ding .. I think you are right Edog on LW 1 , sounds gay to me.

LW 2 voice your concerns and just hope for the best, ultimately it's your daughters decisions but she doesn't sound like the brightest .
Julie

Chicago, IL

#7 Apr 13, 2013
LW2: "Earlier this month she began dating a recently divorced father of two young children. Sunday she told us she was going to marry this man. We have not yet met him, and neither one of them has met each other's children. Her father and I want her to be happy, but we think this is wholly ill-advised, especially considering there are three young children involved."

LW, I'm guessing that the man in question has Absolutely No Idea that your daughter is "going to marry" him. I'm betting your daughter is a Grade-A lunatic. Stay in close touch with your poor grandson.

Since: Mar 09

Pittsburgh, PA

#8 Apr 13, 2013
Hatti_Hollerand wrote:
Ding ding .. I think you are right Edog on LW 1 , sounds gay to me.
If LW 1 were a gay man, why would his parents pay for him to live with a female roommate? Who are they, the Ropers? ;-p

“Colorful Beyond Words”

Since: May 11

"True Love Never Ends "

#9 Apr 14, 2013
VAdame wrote:
<quoted text>
If LW 1 were a gay man, why would his parents pay for him to live with a female roommate? Who are they, the Ropers? ;-p
Maybe the parents would hope a female roommate would give him a booty call and the roommate could sext him straight. LOL.!! Hey .. This is Topix and it could happen.:)

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