Abby 12-10

[edogxxx]

DEAR ABBY: I have a 12-year-old daughter who keeps telling me she knows Santa isn't real. "Angela" is an only child, so we don't have a younger child to worry about carrying on the tradition.

I keep telling her that I believe, and as long as she believes, Santa will come. Angela went so far this year to tell me that she won't write a letter to Santa to prove her point. I guess I have a problem admitting to my daughter that her father and I haven't been truthful all these years. I would love some advice on how to handle this.-- I BELIEVE, IN NAVARRE, FLA.

DEAR I BELIEVE: The jig is up. You're no longer fooling your daughter. By not leveling with her, the message you have been sending is that if she wants straight answers, she will have to go elsewhere to find them. Sit Angela down and explain that the spirit of Santa is embodied by loving parents who want their children to experience the wonder of the holiday as well as the pleasures it brings.

P.S. And if you haven't done so already, recant the story you probably told her about the stork.

DEAR ABBY: I have been divorced for three years. I have started seeing a truck driver I'll call Ted. His job keeps him away from me a lot of the time. I'm used to being by myself, so it doesn't bother me that much. Ted calls and texts me all day, so the communication is there.

My family is telling me it will never work because I need someone with me in the evenings -- like my ex was. I say it will work because I'm used to being by myself now. Ted and I have a lot in common.

I guess what I'm asking is, should I pay attention to what my family is saying or tell them to mind their own business?-- OK BY MYSELF IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR OK: Constant togetherness is no guarantee that a marriage will be successful. If it was, you wouldn't be divorced from your "ever-present" ex. When choosing a partner it is important to listen to both your heart and your head.

Continue the relationship and see how it plays out. Tell your family you appreciate their concern, but this is something you must decide for yourself. "Mind your own business" seems a bit harsh.

DEAR ABBY: I see a very skeletal woman every day at my gym. She does an hour on the sit-up machine. Her stomach sticks out like a person suffering from starvation. It hurts to look at her.

I feel I have a moral obligation to do or say something in case she is suffering from anorexia. However, I would not feel obligated to say anything to an obese woman at the gym. I am also afraid this person may have another condition that is causing her to waste away.

How should I offer support to her? Or should I just ignore her like the other people at the gym do?-- WORKING OUT WITH MY EYES OPEN

DEAR WORKING OUT: If you would like to reach out to her, be friendly, but do not comment on her appearance. As you get to know each other you will learn more about her condition -- if she has one. If you say anything right off the bat, it could be considered rude, nosy or insensitive, so I don't recommend it.

[edogxxx]

1- I would hope most 12 yr olds no longer believe in Santa. Lady, your child isn't a baby anymore, deal.

2- Why don't you tell your family to mind their own business?

3- Why don't YOU mind your own business?

[RedheadwGlasses]

L1: What the crap is wrong with you? Do you want her to get teased at school? Why do you NEED her to believe in Santa? Grow the fuck up.

L2: You need to tell people to butt out of your love life. And why is a trucker texting you all day? Tell him to put the GD phone down while he's driving.

L3: Mind your own effing business. This is up to her family and c lose friends, not an idiot at the gym.

[Matilda77]

L1: WTF is wrong with you? Did she go to kindergarten wearing onesies and drinking out of a bottle, too? Leggo already.

L2: Okay...

L3: Sounds hawt.

[Sublime1]

LW1: Moron. You don't think every kid figures this out at some point ... yet the world goes on? You probably still make her wear footy pajamas.

LW2: <face palm> These letter writers today are even more stupid than usual ... and that's saying something.

LW3: MYOB.

[RACE]

1 Gee, you kid is more mature than you...aint that a surprise.

2 truckers and texting do not mix.

3 by all means... pry!

[pde]

LW1: Oh come on. The ability to believe in Santa (and the Easter bunny and the tooth fairy) is something that comes to an end as the child grows out of the magical thinking mental phase. It normally happens somewhere around age 7-9, depending on the child. And when the child figures out that Santa and etc can't be true, that is the right time to sit down and admit it. Because insisting on belief beyond that point is manipulative and counter-productive.

LW2: Different types of relationships work for different people. I have relatives where the husband is a trucker. I have friends who have consultants for husbands or wives and the outcome is about the same (spouse away most of the week on business). Some people thrive in that type of relationship. See if you do.

[Matilda77]

My cousin's wife was lamenting that their 7 year old is questioning the existence of Santa, so this will probably be her last year believing. Seems about right.

[pde]

Matilda77 wrote:

My cousin's wife was lamenting that their 7 year old is questioning the existence of Santa, so this will probably be her last year believing. Seems about right.

Questioning the existence of Santa is about developing the ability to think logically. When your kid tells you that he's worked out how many kids are just in his school and then multiplied that by all the kids in all the schools in his district, and worked out an estimate of how many toys Santa would have to carry for our area alone, then tells you that it doesn't MAKE SENSE ... do you want to punish that breakthrough of logical thinking by insisting that "well, kids who don't believe don't get presents."

[Saluki Rod]

1 My 12 y/o figured this out 3 years ago. No big deal, but you seem unwilling to let go of having a youg child. Whatcha' going to do when she gets her period and starts wearing a bra?

2 Your trucker boyfriend is texting you multiple times a day? Comforting.........

3 I'd walk up to her and ask her to go have a cheeseburger. Women are supposed to have curves, not sharp angles.

[Matilda77]

pde wrote:

<quoted text>
Questioning the existence of Santa is about developing the ability to think logically. When your kid tells you that he's worked out how many kids are just in his school and then multiplied that by all the kids in all the schools in his district, and worked out an estimate of how many toys Santa would have to carry for our area alone, then tells you that it doesn't MAKE SENSE ... do you want to punish that breakthrough of logical thinking by insisting that "well, kids who don't believe don't get presents."

Exactly. I'd be worried about a kid at 11 that put no thought in to that, even though she's undoubtedly being bombarded by kids (and probably non-parental adults) with proof to the contrary.

[squishymama]

LW1: Wow. She's lasted a lot longer than most. Please let her grow up now.

LW2: You are a grown-ass adult and can do what you want. And you can tell your family I said so.

LW3: Point your eyes somewhere else and leave this woman alone.

[squishymama]

Matilda77 wrote:

My cousin's wife was lamenting that their 7 year old is questioning the existence of Santa, so this will probably be her last year believing. Seems about right.

I haven't believed for a long time and our kids never really took to the idea of Santa, but every time I watch the Polar Express, I end up teary at the end, wanting to hear that bell.

<mimishrug> I think it's the innocence that I wish could survive to adulthood...

[RedheadwGlasses]

Matilda77 wrote:

My cousin's wife was lamenting that their 7 year old is questioning the existence of Santa, so this will probably be her last year believing. Seems about right.

Funny how kids, on their own, will start to question whether Santa is real, but with God, it takes a lot longer (if it even happens).

[pde]

RedheadwGlasses wrote:

<quoted text>
Funny how kids, on their own, will start to question whether Santa is real, but with God, it takes a lot longer (if it even happens).

Well, kids who don't believe go to hell.

There's a reason why the Catholic Church's traditional age of discretion is 7. At the age when they begin to have the logical thought processes to question, you got to really make sure they understand that kids who don't believe go to hell.

[pde]

RedheadwGlasses wrote:

<quoted text>
Funny how kids, on their own, will start to question whether Santa is real, but with God, it takes a lot longer (if it even happens).

Hmm. The version of this post with bad language seems to have been eaten.

Kids who don't believe go to the place with fire and brimstone.

There's a reason why the Catholic Church's traditional age of discretion is age 7. At the age when kids start to develop the logical thought processes to question, you have to make sure they really believe that kids who do not believe go to the place with fire and brimstone.

[Toj]

L1: I remember when my kid was 5 -- some older kid in the neighborhood told him there's no Santa. He mulled it around (it was in the summer) and by near Christmas he figured it out. Of course, the same day he told me he knows there's no Santa -- poor kid, the look on his face when he figured out the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy weren't real either. He took it pretty well, though. At 12, she's been stringing her parents along and she's just tired of the charade.

L2: Why would you let your family pick your boyfriend for you? This one needs a backbone.

L3: I feel ya but if you have an ounce of common sense you know you cannot say a thing to the woman.

[Matilda77]

pde wrote:

<quoted text>
Well, kids who don't believe go to hell.
There's a reason why the Catholic Church's traditional age of discretion is 7. At the age when they begin to have the logical thought processes to question, you got to really make sure they understand that kids who don't believe go to hell.

Yeah, this and generally the adults around the kid believe in God, too. Harder to not believe when nobody's willing to admit doubt. In my case, I was surrounded by a religious family, went to Christian school, went to church 3+ times a week. I didn't really realize there were other options until I was a bit older (preteen?)

It's still the same age where you start questioning it, though. I remember distinctly being about 5 or 6, in my Sunday School room, probably freezing in an uncomfortable dress, and realizing for the first time that nobody *made* my parents get up and go to church every Sunday. And that when I was an adult, nobody would make me go.

[Cass]

LW1 - My GAWD! 12, and she is only now starting to question the existence of Santa? How sheltered and emotionally immature is your child?

LW2 - "I am happy. It works for me. What's it to you?"

LW3 - Interesting....So you feel that a total stranger's possible eating disorder is none of your business if it results in obesity, but if it results in skeletal looks, you must speak up? Keep your nose of other people's business, especially if they are not your immediate family or very close friends.

[Sam I Am]

1. You are too stupid to have kids. What in the world is wrong with you AND with your husband that he would go along with this?

2. By all means, let everyone else tell you what to do and how to run your life.

These people are starting to give me a headache.

3. If she's working out for an hour... oh my God you did it you topped off my headache. Someone please pass me some Excedrin.