“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#1 Mar 28, 2014
DEAR AMY: Recently, my husband went out of town with an ex-girlfriend. I refused to go with him. His relationship with her has caused many problems in our marriage.

After returning from the trip, he said he couldn't remember anything from the last few weeks of his life, although he does seem to recall some details about his weekend away.

For instance, he claims he did not share a bed with her. He also says they have not communicated since the weekend.

This is confusing. I received an email from this woman telling me things they have talked about, but if he had not had further contact with her, how would she know what was going on in our lives after this weekend occurred?

A therapist said he has anxiety-related amnesia.

I love my husband and I am willing to do what it takes to get past all of this, but he continues to be in denial about what happened.

Wouldn't it be better for him to be honest? I'm sure it would help him feel better about himself, and then we could salvage a future from this entire mess.-- At a Loss for Words

DEAR AT A LOSS: People sometimes ask me if I invent the letters sent in to me. My answer is always the same: I lack that kind of imagination. Of course, you could have invented this story, but, well, what can I say? Like you, I sometimes choose to believe the implausible.

On to your question. I don't want to undermine your husband's therapist's diagnosis, but I'm going to take my own amateur, third-party stab at what's going on with him.

His anxiety-related amnesia was triggered by the fact that he went off for the weekend with his ex. This is also known as: Cheating, lying about it and then conveniently developing amnesia.

You may continue to buy his story -- because you want to. But if I were you, I would tell this man, "Your amnesia seems to be contagious, because now I'm forgetting we were ever married."

DEAR AMY: I'm at a loss for what to say to my co-worker, who isn't good at sharing. I buy candy and keep it in a dish at my desk. I purchase candy every couple of weeks out of my own pocket. It adds up. But I find that in our particularly stressful work environment, a little treat goes a long way.

The candy is available to everyone on our floor, and I am more than happy to share. In fact, I would like to get the chance to share!

How do I politely ask the woman whose cubical is next to mine to please not take all of the candies immediately after I refill the dish, so that others may have it available to them as well?

It seems so silly, but this was never an issue before she started working here. We are both adults, but it seems one of us doesn't understand how to share. It makes me feel like I can't keep the dish out any longer, and my co-workers are noticing that the candy supply has dwindled.-- Frustrated in Candyland

DEAR FRUSTRATED: This seems silly, but it's not. Like many workplace issues, this is really about limits and boundaries and the challenges of calling out someone on her behavior (who you spend hours a day in proximity to) without alienating her.

Throw yourself on the mercy of the situation: "I know this sounds silly, but could you take less candy after I fill the bowl? Having it here gives people a good excuse to take a little break, and I'm going through it too quickly."

Your co-worker may be struggling to resist this temptation. Moving the bowl even slightly closer to you might make a difference.

DEAR AMY: I'm responding to the mother whose grown daughter overused the word "like."

I experienced this a lot when my kids were younger.

Every time they said "like" as a filler word, I would snap my fingers. They are all adults now, but, as I recall, this took less than a week to break the habit.-- Nancy

DEAR NANCY: I wonder if this is how Pavlov got started. Well done!

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Melrose Park, IL

#2 Mar 28, 2014
1- Anxiety related amnesia. They just make up anything nowadays. Tell your husband to get a new therapist. And why is he going on a weekend getaway with his ex? Is this work related? He offered to bring you with and you refused? I think there's too much pertinent information missing to to know what to tell you

2- So you bring treats to share and then complain when people eat them?
blunt advice

Summit, NJ

#3 Mar 28, 2014
1. Find a guy who doesn't keep ex girlfriend in his life.

2. Keep candy in a drawer. When the other one piece taking Co workers come by take the candy bowl out so they can take a piece. When she comes by give her one piece. Or put a sign on the bowl "please take ONE PIECE at a time. Or just tell the self control lacking pig that the candy is for everyone not just her and she is bleeding your bank account dry.

3. Like do we have to turn this into a totally gnarly rehash?

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#4 Mar 28, 2014
1 HA! good for you for sticking with your man. Amy is just man bashing again, painting things in the worst light possible. Of course he has stress related memory loss, all men do! It's like a genetic thing that gets triggered by one of two causes:
1) Trips to Vegas
2) Trips with the X-girlfriend

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#5 Mar 28, 2014
2 Slap their hand when the grab, or only put out 5 pieces at a time.

3 I would love to try that, but my kid does not do this.

“Checks and Balances”

Since: Apr 13

Location hidden

#6 Mar 28, 2014
LW1- why would you refuse to go on a trip with your husband and his ex-girlfriend, then grill him about what happened? He is not going to give you details. Either go to therapy with the knowledge that you both made mistakes and want to work on moving forward, or leave. You don't get to control someone else's behavior or change the past.

LW2- the next time she grabs a handful of candy, ask her if she would be willing to bring in some to put in the bowl since you are going through it very quickly and it is straining your budget.*Do not* put up a sign saying "one piece per person" - that is passive-aggressive and completely defeats the purpose of being friendly and improving the atmosphere of the office.

If the offender does not contribute to the candy stash, then tell her "please take one piece at a time" when she grabs a handful. It is very important to communicate in the workplace.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#7 Mar 28, 2014
LW1: If you buy this anxiety-related amnesia, I have a bridge you might like to buy too.

And note that the LW said "a therapist" not "his therapist" or even "her therapist." She could have consulted some on-line hack and gotten this answer.

LW2: Ah, the evil candy bowl. I would take it away all together, but clearly you have this need to be some kind of center of attention, so I'm sure you won't do that. Instead, buy candy one a month or every two weeks, whatever, and when that candy is gone, it's gone until you buy it again,*on schedule*. Then when people come by and ask "where's the candy?" simply state that this month's supply is gone, sorry. Since you work in a cube-farm, your piggy neighbor should be able to hear this and perhaps change their piggy ways.

Or buy some really disgusting candy and put that out in the bowl but have some good stuff in your drawer for "emergencies."

LW3: Like, whatever.
liner

Delray Beach, FL

#8 Mar 28, 2014
Stupid column today. Not worth it.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#9 Mar 28, 2014
L1: Huh? While he was with his girlfriend for the weekend I would have been packing up his crap and putting it in storage and changing the locks -- unless it was a work thing that was mandatory. He did ask the LW to attend, too. I dunno which one is worse -- the person who could came up with such an idiotic lie or the person who finds a therapist who could agree so she could believe it.

L2: You have to talk to her straight out. If the LW is too wimpy, she can fill the container and give the coworker her a set supply and tell her it's for the week. The coworker is going to get bent out of shape probably anyway since the coworker is self-centered.

L3: Too many rehashes reminds me of saying "like" too many times. Both are irritating.

“An Apple a day”

Since: Jun 08

nil carborundum illegitemi

#10 Mar 28, 2014
1. Hahahahaha. This has to be fake letter. Who would write to an advice columnist about this instead of getting rid of all of his stuff while he was away and changing the locks.

2. Grow a backbone, speak up.

3. Yawn.
Kuuipo

Marina, CA

#11 Mar 28, 2014
LW1: Here is the perfect couple. The blatant cheater and the one woman gullible enough to put up with him. Any sane woman with a grain of self-respect would have said, "If you insist on taking a weekend trip with your so-called EX-girlfriend, this marriage is over." I'm with Toj. His stuff would have been in storage and the locks changed when he returned. Dudette, DTMFA, this one is not worth fighting for. Let the ex have this piece of trash.

LW2: Lose that candy dish and keep your snackies in your desk drawer. Or bring in some fresh fruit, maybe some little tangerines.

LW3: Team Toj.

Since: Mar 09

Hollywood, FL

#12 Mar 28, 2014
L1: Whaaat???????? I have no words.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#13 Mar 28, 2014
j_m_w wrote:
L1: Whaaat???????? I have no words.
Imagine your BF doing that. I bet you would have PLENTY of words for him!!:D

Since: Mar 09

Hollywood, FL

#14 Mar 28, 2014
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
Imagine your BF doing that. I bet you would have PLENTY of words for him!!:D
No sh1t! Got that right.
Julie

Chicago, IL

#16 Mar 28, 2014
LW1: If your letter is real, you're too stupid to be able to walk and breathe at the same time.
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

#17 Mar 28, 2014
1: What the frack??!?!
This women makes doormats look tough.

2: Candy bowl people freak me out. There's something psychological, I swear...I usually never take.

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