Aisle Sitter on Vacation

Munich, Germany

#1 Dec 7, 2012
DEAR ABBY: I am a 41-year-old female working on my associate's degree in paralegal studies. Most people I know tell me I'm attractive, and I do get some second looks from men, but there is one thing I think -- although I'm not sure -- that scares them away. I am disabled.
I dress well, am an average weight for my height, independent-minded, although not quite independent physically. I get around on crutches.

I live with my parents. I enjoy and participate in physical activities. I don't have a lot of friends, which is fine with me, but I do have a number of special ones. I try to make the best of my disability, and everyone I know, even strangers, tell me I do well and admire me for my courage and strength.

I should be happy with that, but sometimes it bothers me that I haven't found one man who can see past whatever it is that keeps them from liking me. I know a number of grumpy, unhappy, ungrateful women who abuse the men in their lives, and sometimes I can't help but wonder at how "blind" their partners are.

I am not desperate. I like my alone time. But it's a big, beautiful world out there, and I'd like to share it with someone.-- AT A LOSS IN OHIO

DEAR AT A LOSS: You need to widen your circle of acquaintances. Once you have completed your studies and have more time, make it your business to join local and state groups associated with your profession. While some people may be put off by your disability, not everyone will be. Many people with physical disabilities have romantic lives and good marriages to partners who see past their disabilities and recognize all of the things they can do.

P.S. I know I have said this before, but you should also consider volunteering some of your time to a cause that interests you because it's a great way to meet people.

DEAR ABBY: Last night I received a call from my almost-5-year-old granddaughter asking me for Santa Claus' phone number. It seems she is very angry at her daddy for calling her a brat because she wouldn't give him a hug. She wants to tattle on her daddy to Santa.
Her parents are not together. Her daddy's involvement has been only within the last year. She seemed very upset about the incident, and I want to make sure "Santa" gives her a good answer. I asked her to write a letter instead of phoning Santa to give me time for an answer. Did I do the right thing?-- GRANDMA T., PACIFIC GROVE, CALIF.

DEAR GRAMDMA T.: Yes. Once your granddaughter has written the letter to Santa you may find that she no longer dwells on what happened. However, if she continues to look for a reply, "Santa's" response should be that her daddy was hurt when she refused to give him a hug because daddies need love just as little girls do. But name-calling is wrong, no matter how old you are, and he shouldn't have called her a brat -- which is why he'll be getting a lump of coal in his stocking at Christmas.

TO MY JEWISH READERS: The eight days of Hanukkah begin at sundown.(I cannot believe how early it has fallen this year.) Happy Hanukkah, everyone. A joyous Festival of Lights to all of you!

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#2 Dec 8, 2012
1- Maybe men aren't attracted to you because you're 41 and working on an associates degree in paralegal studies and you live with your parents?

2- Eh, tell her Santa's dead.

3- Happy Hanukka is extremely offensive to me! I shouldn't have to be exposed to it while out in public! It should be kept behind closed doors!

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#3 Dec 8, 2012
I agree with you on #1. I wonder what she has done the last 20 years or so.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#4 Dec 8, 2012
L1: Maybe she was recuperating or sdomething beforehand. Maybe her job was outsourced so she went back for training. Maybe she's a former drug addict. We don't know. But on face value, I think Abby's correct, she needs to widen her circle.

L2: She should have told her Santa sees everything and she's sure Santa knows. She could go on to say that she now knows how it feels to be called a name so remember that and always choose your words carefully. It costs nothing to be nice.
not a ghost

San Antonio, TX

#5 Dec 8, 2012
Agree with Edog and PEllen. (Hope LW1 made a typing error and is really only 31.)
Kuuipo

Salinas, CA

#6 Dec 8, 2012
LW1: In my experience, romantic partners come into your life when you least expect them. It helps if put yourself in places where you can meet others, and be warm, outgoing, and flirty. If you TRY to meet someone, you may become frustrated. Just do the things you like to do and stay positive and energized.
Julie

Chicago, IL

#7 Dec 8, 2012
LW1: Men aren't scared because you're disabled. They're scared because, at 41, YOU STILL LIVE WITH YOUR PARENTS.(From what you've written, it sounds like you live with them because you *want to* rather than because you *need to.*)

If you can, move out. Men will be interested once they find out you don't still live with Mommy and Daddy.

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