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“Not a real reg”

Since: Jan 13

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#1
Sep 24, 2013
 
DEAR AMY: Nine months ago I ended an abusive and destructive relationship. For the past six months I have been in a happy relationship.

In my previous destructive relationship, I ended up cheating on my boyfriend. This was a horrible mistake but also a way for me to finally find a way out.
I make no excuses for my actions. The person I cheated with is my personal trainer, who was (and still is) dating someone else.

I have no feelings for this person, but I continue training with him, even though he sometimes makes comments (which I don’t appreciate) that allude to our past mistake.

I feel this isn’t fair to my current boyfriend. If he knew my past with my trainer, he would be upset. However, it seems silly to get a new trainer. I have worked with this person for a year and he helped me lose so much weight. Should I get rid of him because of a stupid mistake?

I want to do what is best for my relationship.-- Unsure

DEAR UNSURE: If you want to honor your current relationship to the extent that you grant yourself — and him — an unfettered fresh start, then yes, you should change trainers.

However, the most important reason to change trainers is that this one sounds like he is indiscreet and inappropriate, at least some of the time.

Your weight loss and fitness success should not be contingent on you working with this individual; the person responsible for your health and fitness is you.

Also, get tested for STDs (the trainer should too).

DEAR AMY: My sister and I share a small home. Recently, my sister’s daughter, who has three children by different fathers, moved in with us.

I did not want her to move in with us to begin with; however, my sister told her that she could. All of the peace, quiet and privacy in my life has vanished.

My sister’s children are, to put it kindly, brats of the worst kind. They yell, scream, constantly fight and make noise.(The community we live in does not permit residents to make noise that violates the rights of others in the community.)

I am fed up and angry with my sister’s daughter living in our home; it is cramped, and she does nothing to control her brats. I don’t know how much longer I can take this. I am considering going to an attorney to see what can be done to force this woman to control her obnoxious brats and, if necessary, to leave!

Do you have any advice?-- Furious

DEAR FURIOUS: Calling your niece’s children “brats of the worst kind” is not really putting things kindly, but I get your drift.

It is surprising that your sister could move four additional people into your home without getting your permission. You don’t say if you rent this home together or own it jointly, or if you rent from her, but you do have rights and it seems that they are being trampled on by many little feet.

A lawyer cannot force this mom to control her children, but a lawyer can clarify your legal rights. Unfortunately, by not blocking this imposition before it happened, the mother and her children may also have tenancy rights; getting them out could be a challenge.

The easiest, quickest and most peaceful solution might be for you to move, but you should thoroughly research your options first.

DEAR AMY: I disagree with your response to the letter from “Missing a Link.” This woman decided to contact her biological father, who had no interest in having a relationship with her. She now wanted to contact her half-siblings.

You should have told her to leave well enough alone. It is selfish to interfere in other people’s lives just to satisfy your own needs and ego.-- Having my Say

DEAR HAVING: This letter writer was determined to try to make connections regardless of the impact on others. I suggested she should tread lightly, and I hope she does.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#2
Sep 24, 2013
 

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1 LOL! I love this part>>>However, the most important reason to change trainers is that this one sounds like he is indiscreet and inappropriate, at least some of the time.

Yeah amy, and she is just a bowl of discretion and appropriateness aint she!

Here, let me fix is up for you >>>

However, the most important reason to change trainers is that YOU sound like YOU ARE indiscreet and inappropriate. YOU not only cheated on your boyfriend, but you seduced another man away from his relationship to satisfy yourself, and will probably to do again. At least some of the time.

There!

2 Kids will be kids. Pointing out they aint got the same dad is of no consequence. Your a "granny stick up her butt!"
So you never got laid, and never had kids, and have no clue...Oh, who am I kidding, throw the little rug rats out!

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#3
Sep 24, 2013
 

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LW1 Oh, and lets not forget that HUGE 3 month of celibacy she had inbetween the abusive BF and the current Dolt she is screwing.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

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#4
Sep 24, 2013
 

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LW1: "Nine months ago I ended an abusive and destructive relationship. For the past six months I have been in a happy relationship."

Nice. I'm glad you gave yourself time to figure out why you were in an abusive and destructive relationship in the first place.

"In my previous destructive relationship, I ended up cheating on my boyfriend. This was a horrible mistake but also a way for me to finally find a way out."

Oh, the humanity!

"I make no excuses for my actions. The person I cheated with is my personal trainer, who was (and still is) dating someone else."

I bet he *is* sexy.

"I have no feelings for this person, but I continue training with him, even though he sometimes makes comments (which I don’t appreciate) that allude to our past mistake."

It's called a one night stand, if you you can't grow up and deal with your sexuality, you have no business being in ANY relationship.

"I feel this isn’t fair to my current boyfriend. If he knew my past with my trainer, he would be upset. However, it seems silly to get a new trainer. I have worked with this person for a year and he helped me lose so much weight. Should I get rid of him because of a stupid mistake?"

Here we go again with what a terrible mistake you made. If you really thought it was that bad, you would have found a new trainer immediately after the horrible terrible mistake.

"I want to do what is best for my relationship."

Break up with him.

LW2: How whimpy can you be? This is your home; YOU correct the children, YOU tell them to be quiet, YOU tell them to behave. Either they will comply or the niece will get tired of you parenting her kids (because how DARE anyone else tell her kids what to do) and move out. Win, win.

But of course you can't or won't do this, so please, get a lawyer involved. That will make everyone place nice. <eyeroll>

Since: Aug 08

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#5
Sep 24, 2013
 

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LW1:“I make no excuses for my actions.” LOL that entire letter was littered with excuses for her actions.

Hey dingbat, would you want your current bf going off to work out with a hot female personal trainer who he banged in the past, who flirts with him so as to make it be known she’d be down to do it again, anytime he wants? If you would not, I suggest you stop making excuses and find a new trainer before you get in a petty argument with your current bf and wind up f’ing the trainer again.

LW2: This is why you own your own home and don’t share a home unless you are married.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#6
Sep 24, 2013
 

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L1: You're a train wreck. Go seek help.

L2: Talk to your sister about them moving out. If that doesn't pan out, find out what the landlord-tenant laws (b/c a tenancy has been created) are in your state/city and proceed accordingly for eviction if you want to get them out.

Since: Oct 09

Wagner, SD

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#7
Sep 24, 2013
 

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RACE wrote:
LW1 Oh, and lets not forget that HUGE 3 month of celibacy she had inbetween the abusive BF and the current Dolt she is screwing.
Have you been taken over by edog this morning? Because most men I know couldn't go three weeks without a mattress tango (except for my husband, but that's an entirely different subject for another time), and would think nothing of it if a man had broken up with someone then had some fun not even a short time later.

I agree that she is not exactly a pillar of virtue and discretion herself, and she is equally to blame for their "indiscretion" as she so delicately puts it (I love it when people use that term to refer to their inappropriate sexual behavior, as if they think it will somehow "sanitize" things).

However, the trainer, as a professional, also went way over the line professionally as well as personally and should not be practicing if he's going to do the mattress dance with his clients. Anyone in a professional position should never be doing their clients.
not a ghost

San Antonio, TX

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#8
Sep 24, 2013
 

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Unfortunately for LW2, if you give a taker a helping hand, (s)he'll pull your arm out of the socket and laugh. Toj's plan for taking back LW2's future sounds good.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#9
Sep 24, 2013
 

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I wasn't dissing her cause she was wearing out her mattress so soon, but because she calls this guy her BF so soon. In reality he is just the rebound relationship, or he should be anyway.

And sorry your feeling...Ummm, frustrated.
Judge Janie wrote:
<quoted text>
Have you been taken over by edog this morning? Because most men I know couldn't go three weeks without a mattress tango (except for my husband, but that's an entirely different subject for another time), and would think nothing of it if a man had broken up with someone then had some fun not even a short time later.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#10
Sep 24, 2013
 
Judge Janie wrote:
However, the trainer, as a professional, also went way over the line professionally as well as personally and should not be practicing if he's going to do the mattress dance with his clients.
exactly which professions shoould the clients be off limits?

Is there a problem if a waiter hooks up with a customer?
Cable guy?
A/c repair man?
Mechanic?
Butcher?

"Sorry. I have a rule. I don't date anyone who cuts meat for me."

“Not a real reg”

Since: Jan 13

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#11
Sep 24, 2013
 

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Judge Janie wrote:
<quoted text>
Have you been taken over by edog this morning? Because most men I know couldn't go three weeks without a mattress tango (except for my husband, but that's an entirely different subject for another time), and would think nothing of it if a man had broken up with someone then had some fun not even a short time later.
I agree that she is not exactly a pillar of virtue and discretion herself, and she is equally to blame for their "indiscretion" as she so delicately puts it (I love it when people use that term to refer to their inappropriate sexual behavior, as if they think it will somehow "sanitize" things).
However, the trainer, as a professional, also went way over the line professionally as well as personally and should not be practicing if he's going to do the mattress dance with his clients. Anyone in a professional position should never be doing their clients.
I do agree, especially the first part. wish I had thought of that when , in an amby column, the dog and acouple others were raking over a girl who was trying to meet or date someone 5 months after her breakup, of course, to the dog she was a wh0re. but his own questionable morals are ok. bah

Since: Oct 09

Wagner, SD

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#12
Sep 24, 2013
 
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>exactly which professions shoould the clients be off limits?
Is there a problem if a waiter hooks up with a customer?
Cable guy?
A/c repair man?
Mechanic?
Butcher?
"Sorry. I have a rule. I don't date anyone who cuts meat for me."
I mean where there's a one-on-one continuous working relationship, such as doctor, lawyer, therapist, teacher, physical/occupational therapist, and, yes, trainer. That kind of thing. With the others, there's no one-on-one fiduciary relationship. And the professions that I mentioned, all of their code of ethics strictly forbid the mattress dance with patients/clients, while the working relationship is ongoing.

Now, if the working relationship has been terminated, if you're no longer a patient/client, then that's different. But it has to have started AFTER the termination of the relationship, not before. Having once been in the legal field and being married to an attorney, I know just how much hanky panky goes on in that regard, and I've known attorneys who've been disbarred or disciplined for it. I've also known a couple doctors/therapists who got in trouble because of it.

Since: Oct 09

Wagner, SD

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#13
Sep 24, 2013
 
RACE wrote:
I wasn't dissing her cause she was wearing out her mattress so soon, but because she calls this guy her BF so soon. In reality he is just the rebound relationship, or he should be anyway.
And sorry your feeling...Ummm, frustrated.
<quoted text>
Ah, gotcha now, guess I misunderstood. And you are quite correct about the rebound relationship. And, uhmm........thanks, lol.

Since: Oct 09

Wagner, SD

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#14
Sep 24, 2013
 

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dahgts wrote:
<quoted text>
I do agree, especially the first part. wish I had thought of that when , in an amby column, the dog and acouple others were raking over a girl who was trying to meet or date someone 5 months after her breakup, of course, to the dog she was a wh0re. but his own questionable morals are ok. bah
No kidding. To the dog and like-minded men and women, any woman who gets it on before marriage at all is a ho, but the men who help them along are studs who deserve high-fives. But any woman who doesn't put out as much and as often, whenever and however, the hubby wants it is a frigid beeyotch. But the men who don't, well, "satisfy" their wives? Well, it must all be the woman's fault, of course.
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

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#15
Sep 24, 2013
 

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dahgts wrote:
<quoted text>
I do agree, especially the first part. wish I had thought of that when , in an amby column, the dog and acouple others were raking over a girl who was trying to meet or date someone 5 months after her breakup, of course, to the dog she was a wh0re. but his own questionable morals are ok. bah
To the dog, at least 85% of women are wh0 res.
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

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#16
Sep 24, 2013
 
LW1: After a year of working with a personal trainer, you should have your fitness routine down. If you don't, bring a notebook with you to the gym and write down how many reps of each move that you are doing and how much weight you are using. Then you just thank him for his services, and tell him that your going to try working out on your own for a while. Problem solved.

LW2: You should start by talking to your sister as calmly and rationally as possible. Tell her that the current situation is not working for you and that either her daughter and kids go or you will.(I'll bet you lunch that daughter cannot pay half of the expenses.) I assume that you own half of the house. Evicting tenants that have been invited to reside by one of the owners can be very challenging. So I recommend that you try to work with your sister before getting into what could be a nasty legal battle.

“It made sense at the time....”

Since: May 09

Schaumburg, IL

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#17
Sep 24, 2013
 

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LW2 -who owns the house? If both do jointly, that'll be trickier for LW to extricate herself. But if they're renting, they could be in violation of their lease (and now that i think of it, occupancy "limits" or guidelines could be exceeded too). If the non-LW sister owns it solely, then LW can find a new place & walk. if LW owns it solely, lay it out - either sis & kids buy her out or otherwise get out (and set timelines & advise she'll eveict).

or talk to the neighbors and get them to issue sis & kids enough noise violations that they get run out of hte complex.

As far as dealing with the no doubt now-fractured relationship LW has with her sister, well, she didn't ask about that, now, did she...

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#18
Sep 24, 2013
 
Judge Janie wrote:
<quoted text>
I mean where there's a one-on-one continuous working relationship, such as doctor, lawyer, therapist, teacher, physical/occupational therapist, and, yes, trainer. That kind of thing. With the others, there's no one-on-one fiduciary relationship. And the professions that I mentioned, all of their code of ethics strictly forbid the mattress dance with patients/clients, while the working relationship is ongoing.
Now, if the working relationship has been terminated, if you're no longer a patient/client, then that's different. But it has to have started AFTER the termination of the relationship, not before. Having once been in the legal field and being married to an attorney, I know just how much hanky panky goes on in that regard, and I've known attorneys who've been disbarred or disciplined for it. I've also known a couple doctors/therapists who got in trouble because of it.
I'm not endorsing f'ong the clients as a sound business practice, but now you're just f'n with me! Trainers
have a strict code of ethics? Does it involve an oath?

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#19
Sep 24, 2013
 

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Aren't they like self employed? I say do whatever makes the client happy.
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>I'm not endorsing f'ong the clients as a sound business practice, but now you're just f'n with me! Trainers
have a strict code of ethics? Does it involve an oath?

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

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#20
Sep 24, 2013
 

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RACE wrote:
Aren't they like self employed? I say do whatever makes the client happy.
<quoted text>
My BIL is a trainer. They are self employed. Gyms keep a list of trainers for referral purposes. If a trainer gets a client through a gym referral, the gym keeps part of the hourly fee.They are considered independent contractors.

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