First Prev
of 2
Next Last

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#21 Jan 16, 2014
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Her feelings are not important?
So how long do you think the LW should be so concerned about her fragile daughter that she should leave her BF behind when going to family parties? Its been 4 years since dad died. When should she expect to lead a normal life and not walk on eggshells around the daughter?
pde

Bothell, WA

#22 Jan 16, 2014
PEllen wrote:
3 1/2 years is a reasonable time and from my standpoint is too long.We will celebrate 30 years next month. I sure as hell would not want to spend 4 years in a half empty home of husband were to die.
It's been my experience that most people whose long-term marriages end due to the death of a partner, spend lot less time than 3.5 years without another relationship. More about 6 months to a year. Many older folks have a strong understanding that the time ahead is shorter than the time behind, and a strong desire to make the most of it.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#23 Jan 16, 2014
PEllen wrote:
I didn't say her feelings were not important
Sorry, but I think you did
PEllen wrote:
It is a compliment to her late husband that she has the capacity to feel this way about someone else.
I would disagree. We've had 40 years together and you're gonna feel the same way toward some guy you met a few months ago who brought you flowers as you do me??
PEllen wrote:
3 1/2 years is a reasonable time and from my standpoint is too long
That's YOU. Obviously, the daughter does not share your standpoint. So her opinion shouldn't matter?
PEllen wrote:
but even in Victorian times it was only a year
But it's the 21st CENTURY, DAMMIT! Shouldn't the Victorian times be irrelevant?

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#24 Jan 16, 2014
Mister Tonka wrote:
So how long do you think the LW should be so concerned about her fragile daughter that she should leave her BF behind when going to family parties? Its been 4 years since dad died. When should she expect to lead a normal life and not walk on eggshells around the daughter?
Good question. I can't answer that. And neither can you.
pde

Bothell, WA

#25 Jan 16, 2014
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Good question. I can't answer that. And neither can you.
You complain about the people who coddle their kids and turn out entitled, wimpy adults.

Here's an entitled, wimpy, self-centered adult getting her butt kicked by reality (the daughter).

Praise her! The mom is finally making the entitled, wimpy, self-centered adult grow up!

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#26 Jan 16, 2014
pde wrote:
It's been my experience that most people whose long-term marriages end due to the death of a partner, spend lot less time than 3.5 years without another relationship. More about 6 months to a year. Many older folks have a strong understanding that the time ahead is shorter than the time behind, and a strong desire to make the most of it.
Age matters. If you're in your 70's and loose a partner, and don't want to die alone, maybe makes sense. But if you're in your fifties?...

Your experience doesn't relate to the LW. She was married for some 40 yrs or around there. Now she's dating her daughter's new "daddy" a little after 3 and a half years after her father's death? And her daughter is a little upset. And your (all of yous) response is: screw your feelings and deal??

Don't you think that the mother should take her child's reaction into consideration?

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#27 Jan 16, 2014
pde wrote:
The mom is finally making the entitled, wimpy, self-centered adult grow up!
I wouldn't call the daughter entitled, wimpy, and self-centered just because she feels her mother got over her father a little toooo quickly
pde

Bothell, WA

#28 Jan 16, 2014
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Age matters. If you're in your 70's and loose a partner, and don't want to die alone, maybe makes sense. But if you're in your fifties?...
Your experience doesn't relate to the LW. She was married for some 40 yrs or around there. Now she's dating her daughter's new "daddy" a little after 3 and a half years after her father's death? And her daughter is a little upset. And your (all of yous) response is: screw your feelings and deal??
Don't you think that the mother should take her child's reaction into consideration?
Your math doesn't even add up.

She was married for 40 years. If she got married at 20, she's at least 60. Most likely she got married between 20-25, and is 60-65. Likely the youngest the mom was when dad died was 58, and 4 years later she'd be 62. 4 years after a partner of 40 years died, there's almost no chance she's still in her 50s. I've known quite a few people whose partners have died in their 60s, and yes, they are the ones who are back on the market quickly. They are headed into their retirement years, they want someone to retire and travel with.

Her daughter is likely somewhere between 30-38. Her mom's new partner is not her new "daddy".
pde

Bothell, WA

#29 Jan 16, 2014
Seriously, my parents just celebrated their 40 year anniversary. I am 37 and my youngest sibling is 28.

My parents are in their 60s, as is standard for their generation after 40 years of marriage. If one of my parents died, I'd be worried if the other wasn't moving on after 4 years.

And yes, if one of my siblings got up in arms about one of our parents dating 4 years after the death of our other parent, I'd have to tell that sibling they were being an entitled brat.
pde

Bothell, WA

#30 Jan 16, 2014
I'll make this even simpler:

(age of marriage)+(years of marriage)+ 4

18+40+4 = 62

25+40+4 = 69

Add any amount to either the age of marriage or the number of years, and the mom *is* in her 70s. Most likely, mom is between 62 and 69.
pde

Bothell, WA

#31 Jan 16, 2014
And even my math was wrong. Her daughter was likely between 30-38 FOUR YEARS AGO, when her dad died.

Now, she's likely up to age 43.

Any 43-year-old who is viewing her mom's new partner as her new daddy needs a lot more than just grief counseling.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#32 Jan 16, 2014
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Good question. I can't answer that. And neither can you.
I sure can answer it. 4 years is plenty. That was easy.

Grown ass daughter needs to learn to cope, not be allowed to run her mother's life cause she's so fragile.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#33 Jan 16, 2014
edogxxx wrote:

Age matters. If you're in your 70's and loose a partner, and don't want to die alone, maybe makes sense. But if you're in your fifties?...
"DEAR AMY: I am in my 60s "
edogxxx wrote:
Your experience doesn't relate to the LW. She was married for some 40 yrs or around there. Now she's dating her daughter's new "daddy"
LW's in her 60's. Chances are pretty good she hasn't had a child in the last 20 years, so daughter is likely in her 30's. You will be hard pressed to find anyone that age that considers her parent's new spouse to be mom/dad, so this statement is just silly and irrelevant.
edogxxx wrote:
a little after 3 and a half years after her father's death? And her daughter is a little upset.
More than enough time for a NORMAL person to adjust to the fact that dad is gone and be able to cope with mom moving on with her life.
edogxxx wrote:
Don't you think that the mother should take her child's reaction into consideration?
Sure. Go to counseling with her if need be. Listen to the daughter express her feelings. But then also share HER feelings with the daughter. Something the little princess probably has not considered for one second.

But your version of "considering the daughter's feelings" equate to putting her life on hold and walking on eggshells indefinitely? Hell no.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#34 Jan 16, 2014
pde wrote:
4 years after a partner of 40 years died, there's almost no chance she's still in her 50s.
Right. That's why she opens the letter saying she's in her 60's.

:)

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#35 Jan 16, 2014
L1:! I like Amy's advice,

L2: I think you should live alone for a while and see how you like it.

***

Crazy day here.

Fell getting out of bed this morning, needed help getting back up (darn slippery socks). Had intertnet issues, iPad issues, wireless router issues. Had corkers bringing lunch for me, my aunts, and my mom, but because I was up for several hours starting at 2:30'a.m. trying to fix the tech problems, I slept soundly in bed through the lunch break. Oh well. They (coworkers) were very understanding.

My aunts are taking amazing care of me. Going on week two with them here now. Foot rubs, back rubs, hot tea, meds fetching, etc. meal preparation, dishes, cat litter. I love my huge Irish family. Older Cousins are showing up Friday for the weekend to help relieve the aunts.

I'm sure uncles would step up,to,the plate, but I'm really glad for all,the females surrounding me. Nick loves them, they love nick.

I need to fix myself a bowl of ice cream and sit down to do some catching up on reading.

Tell me when this thread is updated:

Subscribe Now Add to my Tracker
First Prev
of 2
Next Last

Add your comments below

Characters left: 4000

Please note by submitting this form you acknowledge that you have read the Terms of Service and the comment you are posting is in compliance with such terms. Be polite. Inappropriate posts may be removed by the moderator. Send us your feedback.

Chicago Discussions

Title Updated Last By Comments
News Barack Obama, our next President (Nov '08) 2 min Jacques Ottawa 1,658,716
Jonny's Towing is Chicagoland's Most Crooked Co... (Feb '17) 1 hr Tea Party Problem 105
Steal from Poor to pay the Rich 1 hr Tea Party Problem 8
HRC loves Alinsky's Rules for Radicals. 1 hr HRC LUVZ Alinsky 12
News Rauner courts black votes with $1M investment (Oct '14) 2 hr RUN Rauner Run 12
Did this work or not 2 hr It Does Work 3
Trump is A 2 hr Getting Stuff DONE 187

Chicago Jobs

More from around the web

Personal Finance

Chicago Mortgages