“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#1 Aug 26, 2014
DEAR ABBY: I was engaged several years ago, but the engagement didn't last. We broke up and I gave him back his ring. We remain close friends, however, and hang out at least once a week.

I have been dating another guy for a couple of years, and we're thinking about getting engaged. I am wondering if it would be improper to ask my ex if we could buy my old ring from him. It was -- and still is -- my "dream ring," and I know my ex has kept it in the glove box of his car ever since I gave it back to him.

I don't want to commit a faux pas, but it seems silly to buy another identical ring. What do you think?-- HEADED DOWN THE AISLE

DEAR HEADED DOWN THE AISLE: If you haven't discussed this with your current boyfriend, you should. It might bother him to see you wearing an engagement ring that was given to you by someone else. If he says it's OK, I can't see why you shouldn't ask your former fiance if he'd be willing to part with it. Frankly, he might be glad to get the money.

DEAR ABBY: I have a love problem I could use your help with. I go to college, and I met an amazing girl, "Lorena," here. She's very religious, which I like about her. We have been talking, but I'm afraid to ask her out. I don't have the best morals, and I'm afraid I would corrupt her if we did go out. I don't want to make her into something she isn't.

Should I let her be who she is, or take the risk of dating her and hope she'll be happy? When I think about Lorena, I realize I'd do anything for her -- even change my life. Please tell me what to do.-- WILD MAN IN KENT, OHIO

DEAR WILD MAN: Feeling as you do about Lorena, I think you should take the risk and ask her out. Because you would do "anything" for her, make it your top priority not to push her into anything you know wouldn't be good for her. You wouldn't be the first "wild man" to meet someone who made him want to be a better man. I wish you luck.

DEAR ABBY: I am a woman in my 50s. My sister, who is also in her 50s, lives with me and has for several years. Could you please settle a dispute we are having?

She says that mail is private and when I bring my mail in from the mailbox, I should leave hers in the box. I say it is just common courtesy to bring all of it in at once and place it in a predetermined spot for the recipient. I am not saying that mail is not private, because it is. And I would never dream of opening anyone's mail, but don't you have to look at the envelope to know which person it belongs to?

So what do you think? Should it be left in the box or should I bring it all in?-- STUMPED SISTER IN HOUSTON

DEAR SISTER: I think what you have been doing is both wise and prudent. Unless the mailbox has a lock on it, I would recommend bringing all the mail into the house as soon as possible after it's delivered to prevent theft. However, because your sister is sensitive about it and asked that you leave it in the box for her to retrieve, you should do as she has requested.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#2 Aug 26, 2014
1- sounds sensible

2- bwahaha! Get over yourself, dude, you're not going to corrupt her, she'll likely dump your @zz first

3- your sister is mental. This is an issue for her?

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#3 Aug 26, 2014
L1: your ex is an idiot. He keeps the ring in his car?

L2: you're an idiot. Corrupting her should be your goal

L3: your sister's an idiot. No explanation needed

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#4 Aug 26, 2014
Team Tonka for all 3. The ring must be fake, nobody leave a real one in the glove box of a car...Nobody.

“I looked, and behold,”

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#5 Aug 26, 2014
LW1: Depends on what your new guy thinks. I would find that odd and would prefer not to buy a used ring from another guy that used to date my girl, but in the scheme of things it just seems tacky more so than terribly bothersome.

LW2: What a dork. I see the nice ones and I want to make them naughty.

She can’t be corrupted if she doesn’t want to be. It’s called free will, and maybe she wants to be.

LW3: She just doesn’t want you to see that she’s getting testing results from the herpes clinic.

She now expects you to stand at the mail box and sort your mail apart from hers? What does this accomplish? How is that anymore private? You physically have to look at each piece of mail to see who it is addressed to, even with this method of hers.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#6 Aug 26, 2014
Tell her to move out or get a PO box if her knickers are in that big of a bunch over this.
Sublime1 wrote:
She now expects you to stand at the mail box and sort your mail apart from hers? What does this accomplish? How is that anymore private? You physically have to look at each piece of mail to see who it is addressed to, even with this method of hers.
boundary painter

San Antonio, TX

#7 Aug 26, 2014
LW3 is giving the Lone Star State a bad name by writing about what her unrealistic sister requested.

Glance into what that sister may be hoping LW3 doesn't see:
(a) She met a really awesome man and doesn't want LW3 to chase him away.
(b) She is seeing one of LW3's ex-boyfriends and the guy has matured nicely.
(c) She has befriended an old acquaintance that LW3 told to "go away and stay away"
or
(d) other
Kuuipo

Marina, CA

#8 Aug 26, 2014
LW1: You need to ask your current boyfriend how he feels about it, because that is the only thing that matters. If he is even the slightest bit uncomfortable with the idea, get another ring, even if it is identical or nearly identical to the other one. Otherwise, you could be fighting about this down the road.

LW2: Ask her out and see what happens. Report back to us.

LW3: Your sister is screwy. I'd tell her that it is now HER job to take in the mail every day. Or tell her to get a P.O. box.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#9 Aug 26, 2014
Lw1: Was your ex really rich and had this ring custom made as one of a kind? If not, why not just go pick out another one just like it instead of wading into this awkward uncomfortable transaction? What are you trying to gain? Discount for new fiancé? Reimbursement for old?

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#10 Aug 26, 2014
Actually upon reflection....The fact that this girl is so attached to "The Ring" instead of what it represents is a huge red flag about her maturity. She is more enamored with sporting the bling than in who gave it to her. I think her BF should refuse to get her a ring of any sort until she grows up.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#11 Aug 26, 2014
Awkwardness aside, the frugal part of me can understand, why go out and buy the exact same thing the ex has unused in his glove box? If I were him, I'd likely be happy to get most if not all of my money back for it. Sure, he can give it to his next fiance, but who's to say she'll have the same size finger?

"Perfect! Your finger will fit the ring I got my former fiance! We must get married!" Talk about awkward. I'm glad the girl gave the ring back, many of them feel "entitled" to it. "Hey, it's a gift!" Ah, no, it was a promise you would marry me. Marriage is called off for any reason, sorry, the ring comes back.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#12 Aug 26, 2014
edogxxx wrote:
Awkwardness aside, the frugal part of me can understand, why go out and buy the exact same thing the ex has unused in his glove box? If I were him, I'd likely be happy to get most if not all of my money back for it. Sure, he can give it to his next fiance, but who's to say she'll have the same size finger?
"Perfect! Your finger will fit the ring I got my former fiance! We must get married!" Talk about awkward. I'm glad the girl gave the ring back, many of them feel "entitled" to it. "Hey, it's a gift!" Ah, no, it was a promise you would marry me. Marriage is called off for any reason, sorry, the ring comes back.
Of course the ex would be thrilled. But he's not the lw. Lw has little to gain unless this is a one of a kind ring or she gets it for a discount
Kuuipo

Marina, CA

#13 Aug 26, 2014
edogxxx wrote:
Awkwardness aside, the frugal part of me can understand, why go out and buy the exact same thing the ex has unused in his glove box? If I were him, I'd likely be happy to get most if not all of my money back for it. Sure, he can give it to his next fiance, but who's to say she'll have the same size finger?
"Perfect! Your finger will fit the ring I got my former fiance! We must get married!" Talk about awkward. I'm glad the girl gave the ring back, many of them feel "entitled" to it. "Hey, it's a gift!" Ah, no, it was a promise you would marry me. Marriage is called off for any reason, sorry, the ring comes back.
Correct. If the woman calls off the engagement, she should return the ring. If he calls it off, she can keep it. Markup on retail jewelry is ridiculous, and you can't return it and get a full refund. You can possibly find a private buyer. In terms of size, any jeweler can resize a ring.
Kuuipo

Marina, CA

#14 Aug 26, 2014
RACE wrote:
Actually upon reflection....The fact that this girl is so attached to "The Ring" instead of what it represents is a huge red flag about her maturity. She is more enamored with sporting the bling than in who gave it to her. I think her BF should refuse to get her a ring of any sort until she grows up.
I do agree that she should be more attached to the guy than the ring. And I was very curious to see how the men on the forum felt about the LW's situation. I thought most of you would not like the idea very much and would want to buy a new ring for your future wives.

On the other hand, some of us women do have our particular taste in jewelry, particularly with something we will be wearing every day. So I can partly see LW's point of view, although in her position, I don't think I would even broach the subject with my new fiancé.

Since: Mar 09

Hollywood, FL

#15 Aug 26, 2014
L1: Am I the only one who thinks the ex still wants the LW back? He kept the ring for YEARS?(Also, yeah, total dumbass for keeping it in the car).

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#16 Aug 26, 2014
Kuuipo wrote:
<quoted text>
Correct. If the woman calls off the engagement, she should return the ring. If he calls it off, she can keep it.
Disagree. What if he calls it off because she had a foursome at a Chippendale's nightclub?

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#17 Aug 26, 2014
j_m_w wrote:
L1: Am I the only one who thinks the ex still wants the LW back? He kept the ring for YEARS?(Also, yeah, total dumbass for keeping it in the car).
The thought crossed my mind

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#18 Aug 26, 2014
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Disagree. What if he calls it off because she had a foursome at a Chippendale's nightclub?
That's when you go Oran 'Juice' Jones on her ass!
Google it.
Kuuipo

Salinas, CA

#19 Aug 26, 2014
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Disagree. What if he calls it off because she had a foursome at a Chippendale's nightclub?
There are exceptions to almost every rule, but the etiquette is as I stated before. She calls it off, she returns the ring, he calls it off, she keeps it. Personally, I wouldn't want it in either case.

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