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1 - 17 of 17 Comments Last updated Nov 16, 2012

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#1 Nov 16, 2012
DEAR AMY: I had a huge fight with my best friend of 10 years. She called me phony, among other hurtful things. She says she doesn't care to have a friend like me because I don't reach out to her enough and that I make no effort to make plans with her. I agree we haven't seen each other often enough. But Amy, she doesn't ask me to make plans either, which is why I am so thrown off by this.

This is the third time we've had this argument and have stopped talking for weeks each time. I feel horrible because she accuses me of not being there for her without giving me any hint that she needs me. She now says she is done with me. She has hurt me, and I don't know if I should contact her. Should I forgive her and try to repair this friendship, or let it die?-- Sad Friend

DEAR SAD: I shared your question with Julie Klam, author of "Friendkeeping: A Field Guide to the People You Love, Hate, and Can't Live Without" (2012, Riverhead).

Klam responded, "I think you owe it to yourself and your best friend of 10 years to have a conversation. If that's too difficult, you should write a letter. She is accusing you of neglecting her and you are naturally feeling defensive.

"If for a moment you can drop your defensiveness and describe how you imagine she feels, you might be able to work things out rather than abandon each other.

"If she's open to it, make a monthly plan that you can both stick to, so there is always a date on the books. As adults, our lives are so packed with family, work, life obligations that our friendships can tend to fall by the wayside, but you both need to make the effort together or it isn't going to work. If she isn't responsive, at least you'll know you've tried."

DEAR AMY: A colleague of mine in her early 60s, "Carol," is on friendly terms with a co-worker in his 30s, "Stefan." Carol's 16-year-old daughter frequently sends text messages and talks on the phone with Stefan, often during work hours. Carol thinks it's cute. Other than blurring boundaries, I don't understand why this bothers me. It seems I should just be able to ignore it and let it go. What are your thoughts?-- Wondering

DEAR WONDERING: I agree with you that a teenager in frequent independent contact with her mother's colleague who is twice her age is boundary blurring and a little creepy. Before you ignore this and let it go, you should express your concern and say to "Carol," "I can't help but think this contact isn't a good idea. I realize she isn't my daughter, but are you certain this is OK? Are you sure you're comfortable with this?"

This is not your business, strictly speaking, but one way for parents to gain perspective on their own children is to be aware of the views of people who care about them and their kids. I also wonder about the man on the other end of this contact.

DEAR AMY: I felt for "Grouchy," the older gentleman who had neighbors with kids who constantly hit baseballs into his yard. We had the same issue with the neighbor kids hitting balls into our backyard and constantly retrieving them.

I told the family in a friendly tone that it is unsettling to look up and see people in the yard, and that I would prefer that the kids not go in the yard but that I would throw the balls back myself from time to time.

They knew they needed more balls to allow for overthrows, and I noticed they also changed the direction of their batting. It worked out with no hard feelings.-- Been There

DEAR BEEN THERE: Several other readers suggested a version of your solution, to collect the overthrown balls and return them when it is convenient.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#2 Nov 16, 2012
1 screw that beyotch.

2 Your jealous.

3 who da thunked it?

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

#3 Nov 16, 2012
1- Yeah, what can ya do?

2- A little odd that a woman in her sixties has a 16 yo daughter and it's also a little odd that she's chasing after a man in his 30's. Express your concern to your friend, daughter can get preggers and her coworker can land in jail.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#4 Nov 16, 2012
LW1: OMG Becky!!! Thatís just too much relationship drama, right there.

LW2: MYOB

LW3: Whatever, lawn nazi.

Since: Oct 09

Wagner, SD

#5 Nov 16, 2012
LW1: If you have to make a "monthl plan" to maintain and keepa friendship, sorry, it just ain't worth it. And you both sound like a bit of a pill.

Since: Oct 09

Wagner, SD

#6 Nov 16, 2012
edogxxx wrote:
1- Yeah, what can ya do?
2- A little odd that a woman in her sixties has a 16 yo daughter and it's also a little odd that she's chasing after a man in his 30's. Express your concern to your friend, daughter can get preggers and her coworker can land in jail.
Where does it say she's "chasing after" him? She's on friendly terms with a co-worker, which isn't the same thing at all. Men and women can be on friendly terms in the workplace without it meaning anything else. H e l l, hubby mostly works with women and they're on "friendly terms" (which makes his workday easier, lol!). Doesn't mean there's anything more than that.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#7 Nov 16, 2012
L1: LW probably heightened the problem by being defensive, but they both sound immature.

L2: Dourtney in the making! Anyone watch "Couples Therapy"?

L3: That's another way to go.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

#8 Nov 16, 2012
Judge Janie wrote:
<quoted text>
Where does it say she's "chasing after" him? She's on friendly terms with a co-worker, which isn't the same thing at all. Men and women can be on friendly terms in the workplace without it meaning anything else. H e l l, hubby mostly works with women and they're on "friendly terms" (which makes his workday easier, lol!). Doesn't mean there's anything more than that.
Reading comprehension. The woman with the daughter is on friendly terms with her coworker. The daughter is frequently calling and texting this coworker. I suppose it could be innocent, but it's still innapropriate.

Since: Oct 09

Wagner, SD

#9 Nov 16, 2012
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Reading comprehension. The woman with the daughter is on friendly terms with her coworker. The daughter is frequently calling and texting this coworker. I suppose it could be innocent, but it's still innapropriate.
Ah, I see what you mean. The way you'd worded it, it seemed like you meant the co-worker was "chasing after" the 30-something. For once, I agree with you, that is inappropriate even if there's nothing going on. My guess is, having once been a teenage girl, that she finds him appealing because of his age and he finds it flattering that such a fresh young thing is taking an interest in him. They both need to cool it before things get out of hand.

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#10 Nov 16, 2012
Judge Janie wrote:
LW1: If you have to make a "monthl plan" to maintain and keepa friendship, sorry, it just ain't worth it. And you both sound like a bit of a pill.
This.

Sometimes friends drift apart. It's better to just let it go than try to force it and be miserable.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

#11 Nov 16, 2012
Judge Janie wrote:
<quoted text>
Ah, I see what you mean. The way you'd worded it, it seemed like you meant the co-worker was "chasing after" the 30-something. For once, I agree with you, that is inappropriate even if there's nothing going on. My guess is, having once been a teenage girl, that she finds him appealing because of his age and he finds it flattering that such a fresh young thing is taking an interest in him. They both need to cool it before things get out of hand.
Teen girls find 30 something men appealing? Where can I find some?
dahgts

Chicago, IL

#12 Nov 16, 2012
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Teen girls find 30 something men appealing? Where can I find some?
Right in front of the door to the slammer.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#13 Nov 16, 2012
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Teen girls find 30 something men appealing? Where can I find some?
Try the 'net. And when you go meet up with them and you end up meeting Chris Hansen from Dateline NBC, don't you worry about a thing.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#14 Nov 16, 2012
L1: So this friend you've had since you were 2 and you're now both 12....

L2: Weird, but MYOB.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#15 Nov 16, 2012
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
Try the 'net. And when you go meet up with them and you end up meeting Chris Hansen from Dateline NBC, don't you worry about a thing.
Oh no, I'm not going through THAT again!
Julie

Chicago, IL

#16 Nov 16, 2012
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
L1: So this friend you've had since you were 2 and you're now both 12....
This.
PEllen

Chicago, IL

#17 Nov 16, 2012
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
L1: So this friend you've had since you were 2 and you're now both 12....
L2: Weird, but MYOB.
Wait, what are you dong here? Aren't you moving?

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