Son's preference: No gay roommate

Son's preference: No gay roommate

There are 1893 comments on the Chicago Tribune story from Jul 19, 2009, titled Son's preference: No gay roommate. In it, Chicago Tribune reports that:

Dear Amy: My 18-year-old son "Bob" is leaving for his freshman year of college in August.

Join the discussion below, or Read more at Chicago Tribune.

First Prev
of 95
Next Last
I am B

AOL

#1 Jul 19, 2009
So if LW1 has a gay room mate that gets a crush on him and pursues him, would the college be liable for sexual harrassment.

Also, if a gay is allowed to room with a straight, shouldn't they not assign roommates by gender at all?
David

Hazel Crest, IL

#2 Jul 19, 2009
Gay people can be cool and seem just like one of the guys. It is those flamboyant types that I think give the decent gay people a bad name by lumping them all together. I actually discovered three of my buddies in college were gay, and if they hadn't told me, I would have never known. And after they did, it was no big deal. They were just one of the guys.

I think your son should give it a chance and be more open-minded. Most are normal like everybody else, it is the sick twisted drama queens that are offensive.
Katie Chicagoland

Dekalb, IL

#3 Jul 19, 2009
Amy, I have to disagree with you on your reply to LW1. I would not automatically assume that not wanting to room with a homosexual person of the same sex is discrimination.

As a straight woman, I would not feel comfortable living with a man, as there is the potential for romantic attraction. It's just a temptation I would not put myself, nor the man, into. Perhaps it is the same for the LW's son.

As a graduate of a Jesuit school, I am not at all surprised that the housing dept's employee considered it discrimination. The Jesuit schools are well known to be extremely welcoming to GLBT students, and intolerant of anyone who questions the GLBT lifestyle.

“The Buybull is innerrrent.”

Since: Jun 08

Pennsburg, PA

#4 Jul 19, 2009
>Dear Amy: My 18-year-old son "Bob" is leaving for his freshman year of college in August.

"Bob" sounds like his momma wants a momma's boy, not an adult.

Praiz!
Spider

Alpharetta, GA

#5 Jul 19, 2009
I am B wrote:
So if LW1 has a gay room mate that gets a crush on him and pursues him, would the college be liable for sexual harrassment.
Bob and the the gay guy are already friends and know each other well enough that the college agreed to let them be roommates. Chances are zero to none that being assigned roommates was a random coincidence as Bob's mom implied.

Bob's mother is the person who is freaking out. She probably thinks sexual orientation is contagious and that Bob will "catch the gay" and she's trying to protect him from it.
I am B wrote:
Also, if a gay is allowed to room with a straight, shouldn't they not assign roommates by gender at all?
The only legitimate reason a college should *ever* have for assigning roommates by gender is to prevent accidental pregnancy. Bob and his gay roommate pose no threat to unwanted childbirth.
equalityboy81

United States

#6 Jul 19, 2009
Is it discrimination when a white man doesn't want to room with a black man? Yes! So that should answer the "Mom's" question on her straight son rooming with a gay guy.
PEllen

Waukegan, IL

#7 Jul 20, 2009
The other lady has been posted under the usual title. Number 1 is a cut and paste.# 2 & #3 are paraphrases for posterity.

Let edog sleep in
PEllen

Waukegan, IL

#8 Jul 20, 2009
Spider wrote:
<quoted text>
Bob and the the gay guy are already friends and know each other well enough that the college agreed to let them be roommates. Chances are zero to none that being assigned roommates was a random coincidence as Bob's mom implied.
Bob's mother is the person who is freaking out. She probably thinks sexual orientation is contagious and that Bob will "catch the gay" and she's trying to protect him from it.
<quoted text>
The only legitimate reason a college should *ever* have for assigning roommates by gender is to prevent accidental pregnancy. Bob and his gay roommate pose no threat to unwanted childbirth.
I am mother to college aged daughters. At each school, my girls have received roommate preference sheets. Assignments were not random.
Bob found out his prospective roommate is gay by looking him up on Facebook. That does make them friends in anything other than the Facebook sense.

I disagree that unwanted pregnancy should be teh only gender issue that factors into roommate assignments: college, especially freshmen year, can be difficult on may levels. Everyone needs a haven. Sexual tension does not belong in a dorm roommate regardless of the preference of the parties
PEllen

Waukegan, IL

#9 Jul 20, 2009
That last paragraph should read:

I disagree that unwanted pregnancy should be the only gender issue that factors into roommate assignments: college, especially freshmen year, can be difficult on many levels. Everyone needs a haven. Sexual tension does not belong in a dorm room regardless of the preference of the parties
PEllen

Waukegan, IL

#10 Jul 20, 2009
Katie Chicagoland wrote:
Amy, I have to disagree with you on your reply to LW1. I would not automatically assume that not wanting to room with a homosexual person of the same sex is discrimination.
As a straight woman, I would not feel comfortable living with a man, as there is the potential for romantic attraction. It's just a temptation I would not put myself, nor the man, into. Perhaps it is the same for the LW's son.
As a graduate of a Jesuit school, I am not at all surprised that the housing dept's employee considered it discrimination. The Jesuit schools are well known to be extremely welcoming to GLBT students, and intolerant of anyone who questions the GLBT lifestyle.
I tend to agree with your response, but can you cite to anything specific and official that the Jesuits are intolerant of anyone who questions the GBLT lifestyle?
James

Paris, France

#11 Jul 20, 2009
Maybe you can be in love with two people at the same time? You can love both of your children, and both your parents at the same time, no? Our acceptance of monogamy should not, perhaps, be so clear cut. I read an interesting discussion on monogamy with some interesting points made:
http://www.pandalous.com/reader#p=3-1-bba74c0...
Carlos

Hazel Crest, IL

#13 Jul 20, 2009
PEllen wrote:
<quoted text>
I tend to agree with your response, but can you cite to anything specific and official that the Jesuits are intolerant of anyone who questions the GBLT lifestyle?
The Jesuits are very liberal minded. I don't think you are going to find the policy you are looking for as it does not exist. Church teaching and an open learning environment are kept separate. Many Catholic/Jesuit schools are very progressive so I can see that they may be offended by the question of somebody that comes across to them as intolerant.

I attended Loyola, and they are very open minded and tolerant of all people, including those from the GLBT community. Regardless of the perception, many Christians are very open minded, especially at the university level. Friends at other universities, Saint Louis, Lewis and Boston College all state that their schools are open minded, it fits with their human rights and social justice stance.

Just an FYI, all Jesuits are Catholic, but not all Catholics are Jesuit.

“Even an Ice Princess can melt.”

Since: Apr 09

Location hidden

#15 Jul 20, 2009
I can see it now

"I'm sorry billy no one wants to group with you because your gay. Sadly we are out of rooms so if you want to come to this college you need to find a place to live off site."

And the sad thing is im sure many here would agree thats acceptable.

Just because we are gay doesnt mean were checking out every person we come acrossed. I understand straight guys may do that to every girl they see but i know for a fact i dont check any one out. I would just want to go to school do the class work if i find a boyfriend or girlfriend so be it.
John

Seattle, WA

#16 Jul 20, 2009
Prejudice is prejudice! A two week trial period won't harm anyone.

People of color; GLBT, Senior Citizens, individuals of almost every religion, etc. have been discriminated against at one time or another. When is it going to stop?

There is no excuse for hatred; bigotry or prejudice in America!
Sam

Seattle, WA

#17 Jul 20, 2009
I agree with John, if a student, or parent thereof, doesn't like the diversity of students on a major college campus then maybe the student could just stay at home and get his college diploma over the Internet, thereby avoiding the dynamics of meeting new individuals from a variety of backgrounds.

College is a time of broadening one's horizons, and perspective on life.

A time for a student to learn to think for him (her)self; learn to make their own decisions, and to accept responsibilty for the decisions which they make.

It is not the time or place to be protected from the reality of the diverse society in which we all live.

After all, when one becomes employed after college one will seldom have a choice as to whether or not they may be working next to a GLBT individual.

Teach Tolerance; learn tolerance!

If one doesn't want to become a victim of discrimination, a good way to begin is to learn to be tolerant of others.
Nelson

United States

#18 Jul 20, 2009
Seriously? "He's gay so I don't want to room with him?" What is 'Bob' afraid of, he won't be able to study 'cause his roomie will be molesting him?

Ugh. Ok, honestly, the room assignment should stand as is, at least for the two week trial period. If, after that time period, the gay room mate has done something so overt, like continuously hitting on Bob even after being told "No", then he should apply for a room change.

But trying to change rooms before you even really get to know the guy? It's downright insulting and rude. For all Bob knows, the roomie already has a boyfriend and isn't interested in Bob anyway.

Jeez. Let's say I go to college, and look up my assigned room mate online. I then find out she's a devout Christian. I apply to change rooms because I don't want to be around her. In no way at ALL is that appropriate, acceptable adult behavior. My mother would be ashamed of me if I tried to avoid rooming with someone before I even really get to know him, based on one aspect of their personality.

“Are we paying attention?”

Since: Jul 08

Location hidden

#19 Jul 20, 2009
Rather than worry about a roommate who will likely have zero interest in him (and may wish for a new roommate himself), Bob should realize that the minute Mommy called the school, the administration's eyes began to roll. Sometimes it's better to just return the tuition to the family, they're SO not worth it.
Dienne

United States

#22 Jul 20, 2009
Katie Chicagoland wrote:
Amy, I have to disagree with you on your reply to LW1. I would not automatically assume that not wanting to room with a homosexual person of the same sex is discrimination.
As a straight woman, I would not feel comfortable living with a man, as there is the potential for romantic attraction. It's just a temptation I would not put myself, nor the man, into. Perhaps it is the same for the LW's son.
As a graduate of a Jesuit school, I am not at all surprised that the housing dept's employee considered it discrimination. The Jesuit schools are well known to be extremely welcoming to GLBT students, and intolerant of anyone who questions the GLBT lifestyle.
If there is romantic attraction, it would presumably be the roommate attracted to the son. All the son has to do is say, "Sorry, not interested." If the roommate is so infatuated with the son that he can't stand to be around him without being with him, then it's the roommate who has the problem and who should apply to switch rooms.

But anyway, that's a pretty unlikely scenario. The son thinks a little too highly of himself if he thinks that every gay man is hot for him.

And as others have commented, Mommy needs to stay the hell out of it one way or another. Sheesh - how embarrassing to have your mother calling your college.

LW2: Smokin' answer, Amy.
liner

Hicksville, NY

#23 Jul 20, 2009
Not wanting to sit next to a gay guy in a restaurant is discrimination. Not wanting to sleep in the same room or share bathroom facilities with a gay guy is an entirely different matter. If the college administration has the kind of attitude that you encountered, "if you don't like it, go somewhere else", I would certainly take them up on their offer, in a NY minute.
KSyrahSyrah

United States

#24 Jul 20, 2009
I went to a Jesuit Uni also. USF. It's in San Francisco. Gays were not a problem, even then.

DD had a Lesbian couple and a straight woman as roomates (it was four bedroom suite.) The couple were fine; the straight girl was a rude selfish pig, who would help herself to snacks and treats I sent for DD, never did the dishes or took out the trash. There are lots worse things than a gay roomate.

Tell me when this thread is updated:

Subscribe Now Add to my Tracker
First Prev
of 95
Next Last

Add your comments below

Characters left: 4000

Please note by submitting this form you acknowledge that you have read the Terms of Service and the comment you are posting is in compliance with such terms. Be polite. Inappropriate posts may be removed by the moderator. Send us your feedback.

Chicago Discussions

Title Updated Last By Comments
last post wins! (Apr '13) 17 min They cannot kill ... 618
News Barack Obama, our next President (Nov '08) 17 min An NFL Fan 1,347,619
abby2-11-16 19 min RACE 5
Topix Chitown Regulars (Aug '09) 23 min RACE 101,422
News BARACK OBAMA BIRTH CERTIFICATE: Suit contesting... (Jan '09) 24 min Dr Guru 207,607
last post wins! (Dec '10) 32 min honeymylove 1,592
News Once slow-moving threat, global warming speeds ... (Dec '08) 53 min Captain Obvious 57,313
More from around the web

Personal Finance

Chicago Mortgages