“Not a real reg”

Since: Jan 13

Location hidden

#1 Jan 26, 2013
DEAR ABBY: In today's world, there are people who apparently cannot exist detached from their cellphones. In case you are wondering -- yes, I do have one, but I use it only for emergencies, not idle banter.

If I'm trying to hold a conversation with someone and he/she is playing with an electronic toy, I get up and walk away. It's obvious to me that my company isn't worth the person's time, so neither is theirs. If I am in a restaurant and people start texting, I get up and go and leave the person with the bill.(Of course, I make sure I have eaten first.) In other words, I show them the same amount of courtesy they have shown me, which is none.

What do you think of the statement I'm trying to make?-- OVER IT IN PATERSON, N.J.

DEAR OVER IT: Has it occurred to you that the person may not realize why you walked away? You could communicate your message more effectively if you spoke up when your companion reached for the cellphone and said you'd prefer your visit not be interrupted because you feel it is rude.

DEAR ABBY: About a year ago I caught my otherwise loving, loyal and well-providing husband checking online porn. I have trust issues that he knows about. I feel violated and hurt. He says, "Everyone does it."

I take great pain to maintain my appearance and my body. Although I'm almost 50, many consider me to be "hot." He lies about a lot of little things, but he seems to love me. My question is, is that enough? Do all men really fantasize constantly?

Since I started menopause, I want him all the time. It is such a relief to know I can't get pregnant again -- it is a time of renewal for me. Then I caught him online.

How would he feel if I were looking at younger men? Instead of a wonderful opportunity for us to discover our real selves again, I constantly wonder what he's "really" thinking. Should I cut my losses or focus on the positive? This has hurt me so much I can barely stand it.-- BETRAYED IN FLORIDA

DEAR BETRAYED: Porn is easily available, and many men look at it without it being a danger to their marriages. And yes, they do fantasize often. If you can, it might be helpful to encourage your husband to discuss with you his reason for doing it. It may have nothing to do with you, and more to do with issues of his own.

Before you let this ruin a perfectly good marriage, it might be helpful for you to talk with a therapist about your trust issues and what they stem from. The therapist may recommend joint counseling with your spouse, and you should consider that, too.

You have a right to the kind of fulfilling marital relationship you desire, but it won't happen unless there is honest, open communication and understanding between you and your husband.

DEAR ABBY: I have a dilemma. I deliver mail to offices daily and I never know how to answer when they thank me. It seems like "You're welcome" isn't appropriate because it's my job to bring the mail.

How should I respond? Should I say "You're welcome" or just "Have a nice day" or something else?-- WANTS TO BE POLITE

DEAR WANTS: I appreciate that you want to be polite, but you are overthinking this. "You're welcome" and "Have a nice day" are both appropriate responses when someone thanks you.
PEllen

Chicago, IL

#3 Jan 26, 2013
Occasionally looking at p*orn is not cheating. Look over his shoulder and see what takes his fancy. You don't need to replicate it but if you are open , it might give you some ideas. Unless of course he is into huge jugs and you are a B cup.

Since: Dec 09

Smalltown, Colorado

#4 Jan 26, 2013
LW1 - The other day 2 friends came by for coffee and conversation. One of them was texting as usual. Since we were in my house, I told her I would put her phone in the freezer if she didn't turn it off. She turned it off and we all had a fun couple of hours. She called me later that day and told me that the dozens of texts she received while her phone was off were all worthless and thanked me for waking her up.

Also, I'm going through withdrawal with no controlling men to bash in the last few days. One has got to show up soon, please.
Javier

Chicago, IL

#5 Jan 26, 2013
Shari23 wrote:
LW1 - The other day 2 friends came by for coffee and conversation. One of them was texting as usual. Since we were in my house, I told her I would put her phone in the freezer if she didn't turn it off. She turned it off and we all had a fun couple of hours. She called me later that day and told me that the dozens of texts she received while her phone was off were all worthless and thanked me for waking her up.
Also, I'm going through withdrawal with no controlling men to bash in the last few days. One has got to show up soon, please.
Why are you messing around on teh computer, woman? The horses are cold, the stalls haven't been mucked out, where's my breakast?
By the way w are going to RedNeck Sally's tonight and you'lbe wearng that black sequined sweater, but I won't have you talkin to any of teh guys there or dancin unless I am the one you're doin it with.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#6 Jan 26, 2013
L1: You sound like a betch. Hopefully, you have meals with friends and you seem not to be able to speak with your friends. I think your way is as rude as the behavior that is troubling you -- worse.

L2: You need that counselling.

L3: Way over thinking, I agree.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#7 Jan 26, 2013
LW1: What a PITA self important attention wh-0-re. I would consider pying that bill money well spent to be rid of someone like you. It would be one thing if the other person was constantly on the phone and ignoring you, but you get up the minute they take the phone out? Really? Sorry, but unless I am on a date and hoping to punch the monkey at its conclusion, no one is guaranteed nor deserves 100% undivided attention.

LW2: "Do all men really fantasize constantly?"
Yes.

LW3: You must have trouble answering the question "How are you doing?"

Since: Dec 09

Smalltown, Colorado

#8 Jan 26, 2013
Javier wrote:
<quoted text>
Why are you messing around on teh computer, woman? The horses are cold, the stalls haven't been mucked out, where's my breakast?
By the way w are going to RedNeck Sally's tonight and you'lbe wearng that black sequined sweater, but I won't have you talkin to any of teh guys there or dancin unless I am the one you're doin it with.
Finally! A controller to bash. I'll get to the stalls when I feel like it. If you couldn't see the blankets on the horses you are blinder than I thought. Oh, and I'll be planning my own evening, thank you very much.

Since: Dec 09

Smalltown, Colorado

#9 Jan 26, 2013
@Javier.....Breakfast! Have you ever seen the kitchen? Well, then go there.
Javier

Chicago, IL

#10 Jan 26, 2013
Have to be of service.
PEllen

Chicago, IL

#11 Jan 26, 2013
Shari23 wrote:
LW1 - The other day 2 friends came by for coffee and conversation. One of them was texting as usual. Since we were in my house, I told her I would put her phone in the freezer if she didn't turn it off. She turned it off and we all had a fun couple of hours. She called me later that day and told me that the dozens of texts she received while her phone was off were all worthless and thanked me for waking her up.
Also, I'm going through withdrawal with no controlling men to bash in the last few days. One has got to show up soon, please.
Here, you want a controlling man? This one is now a widower and presumably available.(shudder)
http://www.nytimes.com/2013/01/24/nyregion/li...

Since: Dec 09

Smalltown, Colorado

#12 Jan 26, 2013
PEllen wrote:
<quoted text>
Here, you want a controlling man? This one is now a widower and presumably available.(shudder)
http://www.nytimes.com/2013/01/24/nyregion/li...
OMG - no thanks. What a creepy story. But I was married to a controller for 3 long years many years ago. Never again.

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