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“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#1 Aug 13, 2013
DEAR AMY: I'm a 22-year-old male. I've been with my woman for four years. We have a 2-year-old daughter together and are expecting another child soon.

Three years ago I was unfaithful. She found out. Ever since, the trust has been lost. Over the years we have gotten better as a couple, but then we slumped back down into a bad spot. Things have been bad lately.

I have not been happy in this relationship for a long while, and recently she saw I was texting a new female friend of mine. She thinks I've been flirting/cheating on her even though there's no proof of this.

She said "we need a break," and she is staying at her mom's house (for an undetermined time). Since she's been gone I've felt happier. I find it easier to talk to my new female friend about random things, important things (and even personal things) than my own girl!

I almost feel like breaking up would be best. I don't even feel sad or upset that all of this has happened.

Am I thinking wrong? I'm worried about my kids, but I don't believe people should stay together for the kids because kids can see unhappiness in a household, the way I did when I was young.

If my kids see us apart (but both happier), isn't that better than seeing us together and miserable?-- Confused

DEAR CONFUSED: Why, at age 22, do you already have two children who will have no memory or experience of their parents being together? My first recommendation is for you to make a commitment to use birth control from now on.

You seem to imagine that as long as you are getting what you want, the other people in your life will be fine. I have news for you: This scenario really only works out for you. You aren't sad over the breakup of this relationship because you already have another girlfriend.

My most constructive feedback for you is to put your children first. Every single choice you make should be made with their best interests as your first priority. When you truly choose to see the world through their eyes, your own life will come into focus.

DEAR AMY: I am being pulled in many directions. I am in my late 50s and have a part-time job, which I like. However, I am an only child with a mother who is terminally ill.

I have a grown daughter with emotional problems who is currently unemployed. My husband is semiretired, and he would like to spend more time with me. Also, one of my dogs is dying of cancer.

I am already on antidepressants, but there are some days that I wish I could just crawl into a hole and never come out. Is there anything I can do to make my situation more bearable?-- Overwhelmed

DEAR OVERWHELMED: These stressful and sad times call for "self-care," and the most basic way to take care of yourself is to get help.

Perhaps your daughter could be more helpful with your mother. Rather than see your husband as yet another person tugging on your sleeve, you should enlist him in your efforts to balance your compelling and competing family pressures. If you two worked as a team, you would feel less depleted because every day you would know that there was somebody out there who has your back.

No one can shoulder the personal grief of losing a parent (or a pet) for you, but if this burden is shared, you will feel less stressed, depressed and alone.

DEAR AMY: I'm responding to the letter from "Christie," the grieving mom who lost her newly grateful son at the age of 28. My heart goes out to her. I am a 30-year-old college graduate who reads your column regularly.

People of all ages are selfish. And yes, some people in my generation have trouble being grateful for having to clean up the terrible economy, job market and environment that our parents left to us.-- Jim

DEAR JIM: The world's a mess. Good luck with that. But thank you -- in advance.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#2 Aug 13, 2013
1- Yeah, dump your pregnant girlfriend. Real classy. Agree with Amy on this.

2- So you have an unemployed daughter, a husband who wants to spend time with you, and a dying 80 yr old mom and a dying dog? You are in your late 50s. You should have learned to deal with life by now.

3- Talk about being selfish! It's up YOU, oh great one, to save us from the terrible economy, job market and environment parents left us?? HUH??? The job market was a lot better in their time, pal. And only hippies cry about the "environment." You're a liberal who is part of the problem with today's world, not part of the solution. Screw off!

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#3 Aug 13, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
3- Talk about being selfish! It's up YOU, oh great one, to save us from the terrible economy, job market and environment parents left us?? HUH??? The job market was a lot better in their time, pal. And only hippies cry about the "environment." You're a liberal who is part of the problem with today's world, not part of the solution. Screw off!
He is not a liberal, but h bought into the propaganda about fixing political problems or there would be only dregs left for our children. He is entitled and is acting that way.

Here's a clue: this is the flip side of old people grumbling about how rude and ungrateful the younger generation is.

Neither is reality based.

We blamed the last generation for uptight Eisenhower McCarthyism , for nuclear brinksmanship, for messing up America's reputation as a WWII hero by sticking our noses in Vietnam... Shall I go on?

The LW whines that his silver platter has not been polished. Listen bud, Here's te rag. Now wipe.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#4 Aug 13, 2013
1 Gotta agree with Amy, you are only thinking of yourself. Grow up.

2 Tough times dont last, tough people do.

3 Want some cheese with your whine? STFU you ungrateful whelp! You would be speaking German or Japanese if it weren't for your parents.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#5 Aug 13, 2013
L1: Now that your mommy is done writing your letter for you, it's time to grow the aytch ee double hockeysticks up! Break up with your girlfriend, and now have your mommy take you to a lawyer to establish joint custody of your children.

And get a vasectomy. You've had two kids. You have shown zero responsibility for your age and situation. The two kids you've created deserve everything you have to offer.(More than that, actually, but that's another 10-year project.)

L2: It's time for your husband to help you out. If it's not his daughter, his mother, or his dog, no matter. They are your burdens, so now he needs to step up and help lighten your load. Not bug you for more of your time (what a selfish glassbowl).

L3: You're nothing but an obnoxious little punk.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#6 Aug 13, 2013
I dont see him as adding to her burdens, he want her to spend time with him, probably to try and get her out of her funk.
Honey, lets go bowling or walk in the park or see a movie.
I bet she sees this as him trying to pull her out of her hole.

He IS stepping up and trying to help, he's just not doing it right. cant fault the guy for that.
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
L2: It's time for your husband to help you out. If it's not his daughter, his mother, or his dog, no matter. They are your burdens, so now he needs to step up and help lighten your load. Not bug you for more of your time (what a selfish glassbowl).

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#7 Aug 13, 2013
RACE wrote:
He IS stepping up and trying to help, he's just not doing it right. cant fault the guy for that.
<quoted text>
You don't know that at all. There is nothing in her letter to indicate that he's done anything to make things easier on her. Wants to spend time with her? Her mom is dying. Her dog is dying. IF he's pulling the needy crap on her, he can knock it off right now and be productive and useful.
Cass

Claremont, CA

#8 Aug 13, 2013
LW1 - Get a vasectomy ASAP. Today. Then do as you please, but make sure you pay child support to your two kids. If the mother chooses to give up the yet-unborn one for adoption, be a man and sign off on your parental rights.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#9 Aug 13, 2013
I'm with race. She said he's wanting to spend time with her, but she's not wanting it. She's too busy with her woe is me attitude.

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#10 Aug 13, 2013
The stupidity is strong in this column.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#11 Aug 13, 2013
Tomato/potato. Nothing in the letter to dispute my interpretation either. She just "Feels" like she is being pulled, she also suffers from depression, and a depressed person can misinterpret someones "trying to help", as someone "demanding attention".

If she had listed an example of what he does, then the issue could be better understood.
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
You don't know that at all. There is nothing in her letter to indicate that he's done anything to make things easier on her. Wants to spend time with her? Her mom is dying. Her dog is dying. IF he's pulling the needy crap on her, he can knock it off right now and be productive and useful.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#12 Aug 13, 2013
You know... the kid can't get a vasectomy. No reputable doctor will do it at his age.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#13 Aug 13, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
I'm with race. She said he's wanting to spend time with her, but she's not wanting it. She's too busy with her woe is me attitude.
Her mom is dying, her dog is dying, her daughter is having major issues, and you're faulting her for being overwhelmed?

What the F is wrong with you? Did no one ever love you and that's why you're such a worthless oxygen stealer?

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#14 Aug 13, 2013
Wow. I'm pretty sure that if a man had written in and said his mom is dying, his dog is dying, his daughter is having a breakdown, and semi-retired wife is bugging him to spend more time with her, race and edog would be all over that wife for not supporting her husband.

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#15 Aug 13, 2013
RACE wrote:
3 Want some cheese with your whine? STFU you ungrateful whelp! You would be speaking German or Japanese if it weren't for your parents.
Do the math. It's more like great-grandparents (in most cases)...it was my grandparent's generation and like it or not I (and you too haha) am old enough to be the parent of a 30 year old, so...

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#16 Aug 13, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
I'm with race. She said he's wanting to spend time with her, but she's not wanting it. She's too busy with her woe is me attitude.
Stop stealing oxygen.

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#17 Aug 13, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
You know... the kid can't get a vasectomy. No reputable doctor will do it at his age.
It's possible. After my sister was born my dad, aged 22 (yeah really, it was a different time though) got one. And, he's a guy not a woman so he's *allowed to have control* over his reproduction.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#18 Aug 13, 2013
LW1: "I've been with my woman for four years."

"My woman"?? This is just as bad as the LW last week calling his girlfriend "his babe."

That said, you sound like a selfish a-hole. You knew you didn't feel the same about this woman, yet you couldn't keep your d!ck in your pants and created another life for you to f*ck up.

Do her a favor; just leave and send child-support checks every other week. Clearly your precious self is way to important to be bothered with the lives you created.

LW2: I know this is going to sound terrible, but if the dog is really that ill, it would be more humane to put it to sleep.

Let your daughter handle her own problems for awhile and find a hospice program with volunteers to help with your mom. Go to the movies or dinner with your husband.

And stop feeling guilty about taking time for yourself.

LW3: Well, with that attitude, I'm sure you won't have any children who will have to clean up the mess that *you* make. Azzhole.

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#19 Aug 13, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
Wow. I'm pretty sure that if a man had written in and said his mom is dying, his dog is dying, his daughter is having a breakdown, and semi-retired wife is bugging him to spend more time with her, race and edog would be all over that wife for not supporting her husband.
Word.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#20 Aug 13, 2013
It is his dog too yanno, and the the daughter? I think we can assume that its probably his also. I would further suggest that the man is also feeling the stress of his MIL dying, and the effect it is having on his wife, which is why I suggested that maybe he is trying to help, but doing so awkwardly.

If she had said her husband was ignoring her feelings, or uncaring about the impending deaths, then yeah, I could agree with you.
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
Wow. I'm pretty sure that if a man had written in and said his mom is dying, his dog is dying, his daughter is having a breakdown, and semi-retired wife is bugging him to spend more time with her, race and edog would be all over that wife for not supporting her husband.

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