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“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#1 Jun 18, 2013
DEAR AMY: My girlfriend of 10 years is getting married. Iím the maid of honor in her wedding, but recent actions are hurtful and confusing.

I was invited to bring a ďplus oneĒ to the wedding. I told her I would be bringing a man Iíve been dating for six months whom she hasnít yet met. She called me and said she was disappointed that during her three-day bachelorette party I had taken a call from this man, gotten emotional and caused drama. She told me I could not bring him to the wedding because she feared I would cause drama.

We had a heart-to-heart talk. I told her I would never cause drama on her wedding day and that I want her to feel safe and I want to rebuild our friendship. She has held fast to her insistence that I un-invite my date. Iím hurt. It seems she doesnít respect me or my relationship. I also find it appalling that sheíd ask me (or any guest) to un-invite another guest.

Is this okay? Do brides have free rein to do whatever they want to make their special day comfortable for themselves? Iím deeply hurt by how she handled this. I think I have to be the bigger person and accept it, but Iím not sure if I should stand up for myself and tell her how I feel.-- Confused Maid of Honor

DEAR CONFUSED: Youíve already stood up for yourself and have told this bride how you feel (good for you). You evidently caused some trouble during her three-day bachelorette extravaganza (three days?), but she should accept your apology and assurances.

Brides should try to ensure their own comfort on their wedding day. And as a friend and member of the bridal party, you should also put the marrying coupleís comfort before your own. However, a mature personís comfort is derived in part from the happiness of her guests; this is where your friend is failing.

Yes, you must be the ďbigger personĒ and accept this. And after the wedding is over, you can decide what to do about your friendship.

DEAR AMY: Iíve spent most of my life being a support system for various friends and relatives through one crisis or another. Iíve always been proud of the fact that Iím someone they can rely on when they need to.

Recently, I learned that I may have a debilitating disease for which there is no cure. No firm diagnosis has been reached, but at this point it doesnít look great.

Since I received the last batch of test results, I have witnessed my friends and relatives pulling away from me, dismissing my symptoms and changing the subject if I bring it up (which Iíve stopped doing). My mother and siblings couldnít appear to care less. I understand that everyone has their own lives and problems, but I desperately need some support right now. I feel as if Iím facing down a dragon, and Iím not sure Iím strong enough.-- Lost

DEAR LOST: Iím so sorry you are facing this health challenge alone. I cannot explain the behavior of the other people in your life, except to say that you may have inadvertently ďtrainedĒ them that you are so hypercompetent that you donít actually need others.

First, if you need help you should ask for it, clearly and plainly. If you donít receive what you need from people in your circle, you should seek support from others who are more familiar with your struggle. Your physician should be able to suggest a support group for people afflicted with the disease you have. Check Facebook to see if there is a page devoted to this particular disease. Online communities can be great and supportive resources for information and assistance.

DEAR AMY: Thank you so much for running the letter from ďToker,Ē the person who admitted to a marijuana addiction of many years.

Wow. That describes me. I am nine weeks clean and taking it day by day.-- Sober

DEAR SOBER: There has been a large and (mainly) supportive reaction to the query from ďToker.Ē Congratulations to you for kicking this addiction.
elpresador

Lincolnshire, IL

#2 Jun 18, 2013
LW2- The sooner you realize people are only worried about themselves, the easier your life will become. It's a tough that you are fighting that alone, but I hope you find someone that can comfort you.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#3 Jun 18, 2013
1 no AMY, she does not have to do any such thing. If she is going to can the friendship, why should she go to the wedding at all? Stupid answer. The bride does not get to micro manage the day, and if she is so worried about the "Drama", then she need to not invite the LW, which she is free to do, then its all on her.

2 It is normal for people to avoid the unpleasant, especially with it deals with a terminal illness.
amy was right in that you should ask for the help you need. Maybe throw yourself a fight party and ask your friends and family for their support in the weeks and months ahead. Goood luck

3 Huh? Dude, I totally spaced out. Got any munchies?

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#4 Jun 18, 2013
L1: Back out of the wedding. The day before. Muah-hahahahahah! My guess is that your relationship is semi-abusive and it's not the first time you've had drama with this guy.

L2: Join a support group. Seriously. And I doubt your family is trying to be jerks; it's just hard to deal with reality sometimes.

L3: Pass the Funyuns.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#5 Jun 18, 2013
LW1: Wedding stuff, don't care.

LW2: What Matilda said.

LW3: Quit bogarting, man!

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#6 Jun 18, 2013
L1: Something is up with this. The bride is obviously one of her best (or better) friends since she's in the wedding. She's been dating the guy for 6 months and the bride hasn't met him until the LW pulled drama at an admittefdly way too long bachlorette party (I'm thinking they prob all went to Vegas or something). The bride in this instant might have a point b/c something is not adding up. But you don't ask someone to uninvite someone. You get someone to watch the problem person.

L2: Yes, I agree with Matilda about the support group. As for the family, it sounds to me like they don't want to face it. You can't make them.

L3: Is it kush?

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#7 Jun 18, 2013
1: Sigh

2: This is why I don't like people.

3: STFU

Since: May 13

Monterey, CA

#8 Jun 18, 2013
LW1: The maid of honor cannot duck out of the wedding at the last minute. That would be ruder than anything Bridezilla has done. I have an idea. How soon is the wedding? Tell her that you broke up with Drama Guy because you met someone else, he's a real sweetie, and you'd like to bring him to the wedding. Because BZ has never met Drama Guy, she won't know the difference.

LW2: This is pretty common behavior. People do not like to face death. It reminds them of their own mortality. Team Mathilda.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Marcus Hook, PA

#9 Jun 18, 2013
Matilda77 wrote:
L1: Back out of the wedding. The day before. Muah-hahahahahah! My guess is that your relationship is semi-abusive and it's not the first time you've had drama with this guy.
I don't know if I'd go as far to say semi abusive, but it definately sounds like drama is a regular thing with this couple. The bride is in a tough spot. Can't always "replace" the maid of honor so easily, and she doesn't want to risk awkward drama on her wedding day. I think the lw should do the mature thing and leave the bf home.

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#10 Jun 18, 2013
Kuuipo wrote:
LW1: The maid of honor cannot duck out of the wedding at the last minute. That would be ruder than anything Bridezilla has done. I have an idea. How soon is the wedding? Tell her that you broke up with Drama Guy because you met someone else, he's a real sweetie, and you'd like to bring him to the wedding. Because BZ has never met Drama Guy, she won't know the difference.
Heh... I like it. Especially if he has a common first name.

Since: May 13

Monterey, CA

#11 Jun 18, 2013
j_m_w wrote:
<quoted text>
Heh... I like it. Especially if he has a common first name.
That's what I was thinking! "And what a coincidence, his name is Steve, too!" LOL...

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#12 Jun 18, 2013
L1: dear god. I didn't even finish your letter. She needs to call off her wedding, you need to end this stupid, immature relationship and you both need to grow up before bothering the adults.

Forget what Amy said. bow out of the wedding and out of this idiot's life. Life is better than hanging out with people like her.

L3: Good for you! I happen to like the wacky weed, but if you think you need to stop, then you need to stop, and I support that all the way. Nine weeks is an excellent start. I hope you have a good support system.

***

That was my post in the WaPo. But now I"ve read posts that show that the LW could be just as guilt as the bride in being a total nimrod. So I judge them both guilty.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#13 Jun 18, 2013
LW1: Fí the bridzilla Ö drop out of the wedding.

LW2: Donít let it be the focus of your existence, but ask if you need help.

LW3: Quitter
liner

Patchogue, NY

#14 Jun 18, 2013
Kuuipo wrote:
LW1: The maid of honor cannot duck out of the wedding at the last minute. That would be ruder than anything Bridezilla has done. I have an idea. How soon is the wedding? Tell her that you broke up with Drama Guy because you met someone else, he's a real sweetie, and you'd like to bring him to the wedding. Because BZ has never met Drama Guy, she won't know the difference.
........
Yeah, I think I like this one the best!

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#15 Jun 18, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
I don't know if I'd go as far to say semi abusive, but it definately sounds like drama is a regular thing with this couple. The bride is in a tough spot. Can't always "replace" the maid of honor so easily, and she doesn't want to risk awkward drama on her wedding day. I think the lw should do the mature thing and leave the bf home.
I don't think the LW is telling us everything, that's for sure.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Marcus Hook, PA

#16 Jun 18, 2013
Kuuipo wrote:
LW1: The maid of honor cannot duck out of the wedding at the last minute. That would be ruder than anything Bridezilla has done. I have an idea. How soon is the wedding? Tell her that you broke up with Drama Guy because you met someone else, he's a real sweetie, and you'd like to bring him to the wedding. Because BZ has never met Drama Guy, she won't know the difference.
Unless she saw his picture on her friend's facebook page.

I think the bride should be given a break. You ask your friend to be your moh, soon before the wedding she starts dating some guy and they're always bickering. You want that drama at your wedding?

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#17 Jun 18, 2013
Matilda77 wrote:
<quoted text>
I don't think the LW is telling us everything, that's for sure.
I agree. But, I also think it's a bit much, even if it is understandable that the bride doesn't want any drama on her wedding day, to expect her to leave her bf at home.

The LW has reassured her that there will be no drama too (and really who wants to cause that at a wedding, even if it's not your wedding). So, as I see it, if the bride doesn't trust her word and thinks she's trashy enough to cause drama, then the bride made the mistake of picking her in the first place, and the MOH has every right to drop out if that's the case.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#18 Jun 18, 2013
If I have a must-invite person like a close relative who is a known drama queen, then I will arrange for a "minder" at the wedding. A 6 month date of one of the wedding party doesn't qualify. especially since MOH seem to have been a key element i the drama so far. There is enough rudeness to go around, for sure, but I think the bride gets to say, I don't want drama at the wedding and MOH and Steve together are drama, so he goes or you both go off the list.

It is not hard to replace a MOH: ask one of the bridesmaids. At worst you have one extra groomsman.

I vote that LW say she can't guaranty Steve won't cause a problem, so LW is bowing out of wedding .

Disclosure: I rarely had guys I was dating give me drama and the only wedding I was in which included a drama queen (the bride) didn't last. At last count she was separated from her 3rd husband.

L2 They have no experience because you have done it all in the past. Some people run from illness because they are scared and have no idea what to say.. or perhaps you can't articulate what you want. Or, perhaps, you are related to a bunch of royal a** holes.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#19 Jun 18, 2013
"I told her I would never cause drama on her wedding day and that I want her to feel safe and I want to rebuild our friendship"

"Safe"? WEird word choice there. And 'rebuild' our friendship? If it needs rebuilding, why offer LW the MOH spot? As an olive branch?

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#20 Jun 18, 2013
When you're a MOH, you don't even really get to socialize until after dinner, anyway. If the boyfriend doesn't know anyone there, it's going to suck for him.

I think uninviting the already invited is the greatest of all the drama evils at play here, though.

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