“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#1 Jun 13, 2014
DEAR AMY: My mother left us a year ago and returned to our home country. She told us that she was going back (after 27 years) because she couldn't afford living expenses here. She left my father, my brother, me and her grandchildren and went home.

After a month or so, we realized she had moved in with another man and was living "a new chapter in her life," as she later put it.

She is trying to stay connected with my brother and me, but my brother refuses to speak to her, and I am finding it difficult, given the way she left and the impact it has had on us emotionally.

Part of me wants to stay in contact with her, even if only for my children, but I also feel an allegiance to my brother, as he is my only family here, other than my father (and my husband's family, of course).

I know I should be mature about this by accepting the situation, but I am on two sides, torn between maintaining contact with my mother and having a relationship with my brother.-- Abandoned

DEAR ABANDONED: Your brother has the right to make his own choices regarding his relationship with your mother. That same right extends to you. You should do what you want in terms of connecting with her. You should accept his choice, and he yours. If he can't handle your decision, then you should not discuss it with him.

DEAR AMY: One of my cousins is getting married and has decided to only invite select members of our family.

I have always considered our family close. We have all spent most holidays together for the last 20-plus years and often gather for family birthdays and important life events.

Our family is also small. The groom has two siblings and four cousins (including me and my brother) and has decided to leave my brother off the guest list. He is also leaving out a set of grandparents, a great-aunt and two uncles.

My parents and I (and those who have not been invited) are hurt by his exclusions. When we asked the reasoning for the exclusions, we were told that he and his fiancee have decided to only invite people who have played an "important role" in their life, and because it's expensive, they don't want to pay for people who aren't important to them.

Because of the exclusions, my parents are choosing not to attend.

I am a big family person, and I am happy for my cousin and his upcoming marriage.

I have always been one who wants to "keep the peace," but I struggle with whether I should go to his wedding when I disagree with his decisions about the guest list. What should I do?-- Uncertain

DEAR UNCERTAIN: Weddings are planned by a couple to celebrate their future together, but they are also family events. When one family member is excluded for no logical reason (other than the lack of an "important role"), it puts every other immediate family member in a tough spot. If I were in your parents' place, I would make the same choice they are making.

If you decide to go to this wedding, then you should do your best to be a good guest. I can't make your choice for you, but perhaps the "important role" you will play in this couple's life is through the tough lesson that one consequence of excluding your brother is that you will also stay home. Their standard of "only paying for people who are important to them" reveals something sad about their family values.

DEAR AMY: I have to respond to "Not Enough Time," who was wondering if long-distance relationships work. My answer is definitely Yes!

Three weeks after our first date, my boyfriend moved 1,200 miles away for a new job. We dated long distance, flying back and forth once a month for a year and a half.

We have been married now for 21 years and have a wonderful son who just graduated from high school.-- No Longer Long Distance

DEAR NO LONGER: Sweet!

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#2 Jun 13, 2014
1- The untold story of allowing illegals to hop the fence and give birth and allowing those children to be US citizens. No other country does this. The 13th amendment was meant for the children of slaves. Now that slavery has ended, the 13th amendment should be repealed. Now, because of Obammy's immigration policy, thousands of children are flocking through our southern border, leaving us with the bill. Yet we have no money to pay for veterans benefits.

2- So go or don't, Jeebus!

3- Glad you can afford a plane ticket every month, not all of us can

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#3 Jun 13, 2014
1 Your mom gets to choose where she lives, just like you do. Grow up.

2 Maybe if everyone declines they will get the message, plus they will save a bundle!

3 bully for you.

“On Deck”

Since: Aug 08

French Polynesia

#4 Jun 13, 2014
L3. You do realize that you disturb the peace of thousand upon thousands of people whose houses and communities you fly over for your starry-eyed romance.
blunt advice

Brooklyn, NY

#5 Jun 13, 2014
1. How does your father feel about all this? Was he controlling or abusive to her? If so then be happy for her. If her motives were selfish then forget it. Egg donor and mom are not always the same thing.
2. Is there going to be good food and open bar at the reception? Then skip the ceremony and just go to the reception and have a good time. And bring a date. If it's buffet then arrange a tailgate party of relatives in the parking lot and pass plates and drinks out! After all , it's all about importance right? But be supportive of your cousin when he is going through his divorce from the beeotch.
3. Yay for you.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#6 Jun 13, 2014
loose cannon wrote:
L3. You do realize that you disturb the peace of thousand upon thousands of people whose houses and communities you fly over for your starry-eyed romance.
Not to mention the carbons planes are dumping into the atmosphere. I agree we should return to the days of traveling by mule or steam-powered ships

Since: Dec 07

DuPage County

#7 Jun 13, 2014
1. If she's abandoned you, then rest well with your decision.

2. There's a name for the bride and groom: cheapskates. Boycott the wedding.

3. Filler

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#8 Jun 13, 2014
No! Steam ships run off of wood, which depletes forests raising carbon levels and reducing oxygen production. Further the burning of wood also increases greenhouse gasses.

Did you know some places discourage campfires for this very reason?
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Not to mention the carbons planes are dumping into the atmosphere. I agree we should return to the days of traveling by mule or steam-powered ships
blunt advice

Brooklyn, NY

#9 Jun 13, 2014
Saluki Rod wrote:
2. There's a name for the bride and groom: cheapskates. Boycott the wedding.
r
Basically that's it. The bride who put these ideas into his head about who is more important than who must be something else. Hopefully his second wedding will be more inclusive.

Since: Dec 07

DuPage County

#10 Jun 13, 2014
blunt advice wrote:
<quoted text>Basically that's it. The bride who put these ideas into his head about who is more important than who must be something else. Hopefully his second wedding will be more inclusive.
Exactly. This is a prime example of people who should just elope, or downsize the sitdown dinner to appetizers and a DJ.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#11 Jun 13, 2014
RACE wrote:
No! Steam ships run off of wood, which depletes forests raising carbon levels and reducing oxygen production. Further the burning of wood also increases greenhouse gasses.
Did you know some places discourage campfires for this very reason?
<quoted text>
Then we'll use the large paddle boats like the Vikings used. We must do something dammit! Oil production is the reason our climate is changing!

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#12 Jun 13, 2014
L1: The way the father is mentioned it seems to me everyone is distant from him. Can't know for sure but it seems that way. Amy is right, the decision is yours.

L2: This couple should have eloped. I wouldn't go.

L3: To each his own. Lid for every pot.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#13 Jun 13, 2014
loose cannon wrote:
L3. You do realize that you disturb the peace of thousand upon thousands of people whose houses and communities you fly over for your starry-eyed romance.&#363;
Right. Cause the planes they fly on would have no other pasengers if not for them.

What thousands of people are you babbling about? Other than people who live near the airport, by choice, air travel disturbs no one other than someone looking for shit to bitch about

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#14 Jun 13, 2014
blunt advice wrote:
<quoted text>
Basically that's it. The bride who put these ideas into his head about who is more important than who must be something else. Hopefully his second wedding will be more inclusive.
Why does it have to be teh bride? It is possible that for all their ostensible closeness, the groom can't stand his family a the impetus comes from him.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#15 Jun 13, 2014
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Not to mention the carbons planes are dumping into the atmosphere. I agree we should return to the days of traveling by mule or steam-powered ships
Tall ships with sails

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

#16 Jun 13, 2014
LW2: I would refure to go and write the jerks off. To say directly that people - family member!- are not important? Then he wouldn't be "important" to me.
liner

Brooklyn, NY

#17 Jun 13, 2014
PEllen wrote:
<quoted text>
Why does it have to be teh bride? It is possible that for all their ostensible closeness, the groom can't stand his family a the impetus comes from him.
Why? Because the only change in this close knit family was the addition of the bride-to-be. That's usually the case, in my experience.
Kuuipo

Elizabethtown, KY

#18 Jun 13, 2014
LW1: You haven't provided much information about your family dynamic. Were your parents married and living together when your mother abruptly decided to move home? If not, that explains her remark about living expenses. Are you and your brother both adults? I am assuming so because you mention grandchildren. Had she mentioned being homesick? I get that this seemed sudden to you and that you feel abandoned. However, if you are all adults, and if your parents are divorced, I see no reason for either you or your brother to refuse to speak to your own mother. If she left your father for another man, I might understand you being upset, but even then this would be your parents' issue and not yours. So call your mother.

LW2: Not just cheapskates, but rude and nasty cheapskates. Don't go to the wedding. That would be rewarding horrid behavior.

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