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“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#1 Jan 17, 2013
DEAR AMY: When I married my wife, she had two kids and I had two kids. We became a very happy blended family of six and have been together for 12 years.

My wife's extended family has accepted this. They always include all four children for holidays and recognize all the kids' birthdays. They love all four kids equally, and it shows at family functions. You can just feel the love; it's very warm and welcoming.

My family has a problem and just can't accept our blended family. They exclude two of my children (my stepkids) on birthdays, graduations, Christmas, family functions, conversations, etc. It really hurts me to see my own family exclude my children.

My sister frequently tells my wife that her kids are not blood-related to us, and she rubs this in my wife's face a lot. The hurt in my wife's eyes is hard for me to handle.

I married my wife and want to protect her from all of this. It's hard to accept that, with all the things in this world that could hurt my wife, it's my family that hurts her the most.

I'm so ashamed. How can I get my family to understand how hurtful their actions are?-- Sad Dad

DEAR SAD: You have had more than a decade to train your family to be decent people and let them adjust to reality, which roughly translates to this: "My wife and I have four children. Deal with it."

You have not advocated for your wife and children. Now, rather than passively commenting on how sad your wife's eyes are when she is disrespected in your presence, I suggest you act a little less sad and get a lot more mad.

The next time your sister expresses this level of disrespect toward your wife and children, your reaction should be consistent: "This is unacceptable. Get your coat; it's time to go."

You owe your wife and all of your children an apology. Say: "My family members are ignorant and have been very rude to all of us. We are 100 percent family, and I'm going to try to do a better job of being a dad to all of you."

When you tolerate this sort of disrespect, your stepchildren aren't the only ones affected. This treatment places your biological children in a terrible spot with their siblings. I'm sure it makes them uncomfortable, embarrassed and quite sad.

DEAR AMY: I really don't like to drive, and owning a car seems to be more trouble than it's worth. My parents say I can't get a job unless I learn to drive.

Can you give me some advice about how to handle this situation?-- Lousy Driver

DEAR LOUSY: One way to handle this is to become a less lousy driver. The less lousy you are, the more confident you will be, the more enjoyable you will find this skill, and the safer you (and others) will be on the road.

The ability to safely operate a vehicle is important, even if you decide that ultimately you don't want to own a car or drive regularly. If you are able to drive, it will increase your employment options; it also means you would be able to drive someone (or yourself) in an emergency. Driving will also put you in good stead in the event that we all find ourselves in some sort of apocalyptic "Mad Max" future.

If you choose not to learn to drive, you can prove your independence by getting a job and figuring out a way to safely get yourself to and from it, without relying on your parents. They (and I) will admire your spunk.

DEAR AMY: The letter from "Shaking My Head" was familiar. This writer was bewildered at her stepson's choice to use college financial aid to pay off credit card debt.

I know of students who accept financial aid, show up for the first day of class, get an F for the semester and spend the rest of their time squandering this money.-- Also Shaking

DEAR SHAKING: These students are also squandering their future, and that's a shame.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#2 Jan 17, 2013
1 Man, you sooooo need to grow a pair.

2 Get a good man and get married, problem solved.

3 A rehash I had not heard about, strangely tasty.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#3 Jan 17, 2013
L1: You sound spineless. You don't mention saying anything to your sister/other relatives who do this. Why do you not have your wife's back?

L2: Well, you wrote to the write advice columnist, since she gets a lot of letters from people who know the only 1, 2, or 3 possible solutions to their problem but won't do them and rule them out completely.

L3: Lame.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Melrose Park, IL

#4 Jan 17, 2013
2- By all means, stay off the dam road! You're exactly the type of motorist our roads don't need!

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#5 Jan 17, 2013
LW1: Just stop attending your family's functions. Pretty simple, really.

LW2: Practice really late at night. Then you can be nervous and make a few mistakes and not have all those pesky other drivers around to make rude hand gestures in your direction.

LW3: Shaking my head at this effing rehash. Big surprise, teenagers do stupid things.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#6 Jan 17, 2013
L1: Poosay

LW2: Sounds like Matilda's sister. The world is a different place from my youth. Nowadays you got teens who don't want to drive and don't want a car and you got boyfriends and girlfriends who have never met in person?

LW3: Dumb ass letter writer and lazy ass columnist letter selection. How bout you only write in when you have a question? And Lamy, how bout you quit half assingin it and actually pick letters asking for advice in letter 3.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#7 Jan 17, 2013
squishymama wrote:
LW1: Just stop attending your family's functions. Pretty simple, really.
Not really that simple. They'd have to go a step further and cut off contact even more. His family excludes the other kids on birthdays. I take that to mean they buy gifts for the blood grand kids. I doubt granma is having the birthday party. So she's probably coming over to the birthday party LW is having, bearing gifts, but not doing the same for the steps. To get the kids to all recieve equal treatment would probably mean not accepting gifts for the 2 bloods.

“I looked, and behold,”

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#8 Jan 17, 2013
LW1: Grow a pair. There would be a shyte storm if my family treated my kids, step-kids or not, in that manner. Pretty sure my family would rather just treat the kids the same than deal with a pi$$ed off ornery Sublime (not that they would ever treat step kids like that).

LW2: I see a bright future where you live in your parentsí basement into your 40s and then progress onto hoarding cats when they pass.

LW3: You will be happy to know that Obama issued an executive order forgiving all student debt after 20 years!!!

Just what we need, cuts for Grandma on SS, who is probably too old to work and will probably have to resort to eating cat food every other Friday just to get by, and entitlements for illegals and their anchor babies and student loan forgiveness for adults in their prime working years, who were too dumb to realize that taking out 100k in loans to get a philosophy degree wasn't the pathway to prosperity!

Hope and change never looked so shitty.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#9 Jan 17, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>Not really that simple. They'd have to go a step further and cut off contact even more. His family excludes the other kids on birthdays. I take that to mean they buy gifts for the blood grand kids. I doubt granma is having the birthday party. So she's probably coming over to the birthday party LW is having, bearing gifts, but not doing the same for the steps. To get the kids to all recieve equal treatment would probably mean not accepting gifts for the 2 bloods.
OK,OK Mr. Vulcan! It's not simple.
Sam I Am

Memphis, TN

#10 Jan 17, 2013
1. Tell them that if they cut out two of your kids then they cut you out.

2. Sooooo, you're going to spend your life not driving? Good luck with that. Nice to see a teenager with a strong sense of independence.

3.
pde

Palatine, IL

#11 Jan 17, 2013
Sublime1 wrote:
LW3: You will be happy to know that Obama issued an executive order forgiving all student debt after 20 years!!!
It wasn't an executive order, it was part of the Health Care and Education Reconciliation Act of 2010, passed by both the House and Senate and signed by Obama. It requires that the borrower have made all payments required over those 20 yearns under the income based repayment calculation.

Prior to that, student loan debt was forgiven after 25 years under the same circumstances.
pde

Palatine, IL

#12 Jan 17, 2013
pde wrote:
<quoted text>
It wasn't an executive order, it was part of the Health Care and Education Reconciliation Act of 2010, passed by both the House and Senate and signed by Obama. It requires that the borrower have made all payments required over those 20 yearns under the income based repayment calculation.
Prior to that, student loan debt was forgiven after 25 years under the same circumstances.
Oh, and the first loan forgiveness that would happen under this program would occur in 2034, since it only applies to loans made after 2014.

“I looked, and behold,”

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#14 Jan 17, 2013
Common Sense is survived by his two stepbrothers; My Rights and Ima Whiner, lol!

“I looked, and behold,”

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#15 Jan 17, 2013
I find it to be very bad policy that we treat students who did not serve their country better than we treat students who served their country, in part to get money for college.

A guy serves his nation for 8 years in part to get money for college and some other guy doesn't do anything for his nation, except take out loans that he doesn't pay back and his reward and gift to our nation is that his debt is forgiven and added to our national debt.

Just f'ing brilliant.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Melrose Park, IL

#16 Jan 17, 2013
Sam I Am wrote:
2. Sooooo, you're going to spend your life not driving? Good luck with that.
There are millions of people who can't drive. Ever. Maybe they're legally blind, maybe they have epilepsy. They learn to manage just fine.
pde

Palatine, IL

#17 Jan 17, 2013
Sublime1 wrote:
I find it to be very bad policy that we treat students who did not serve their country better than we treat students who served their country, in part to get money for college.
A guy serves his nation for 8 years in part to get money for college and some other guy doesn't do anything for his nation, except take out loans that he doesn't pay back and his reward and gift to our nation is that his debt is forgiven and added to our national debt.
Just f'ing brilliant.
Loan forgiveness requires you have been on IBR for 25 years (starting in 2014, 20 years). Which means that you've had to make every payment on time for 20 years and have submitted and have your yearly income evaluated every year to determine your payment schedule for the upcoming year. Loan forgiveness after having been on IBR for 20 or 25 years is mainly symbolic. Almost nobody ever qualifies for it.

If you want to rant about loan forgiveness adding to the nation debt, rant about the 10 years government employment forgiveness instead. I know multiple people who are on track for that one, although most of them have gotten their high loan balance through business school or law school, not studying philosophy. And they are all getting paid fairly well (working in DC, mainly), enough that paying off their loan balances without forgiveness is quite doable. Most of them are manipulating the system to make sure they still have a balance at 10 years to be forgiven.
pde

Palatine, IL

#18 Jan 17, 2013
And oh, look ...

If your guy serves in the military after college, he's eligible for the 10 year forgiveness program too:

The borrower must be employed full-time in a public service job for each of the 120 monthly payments. Public service jobs include, among other positions, emergency management, government (excluding time served as a member of Congress), military service, public safety and law enforcement (police and fire), public health (including nurses, nurse practitioners, nurses in a clinical setting, and full-time professionals engaged in health care practitioner occupations and health care support occupations), public education, early childhood education (including licensed or regulated childcare, Head Start, and State-funded prekindergarten), social work in a public child or family service agency, public services for individuals with disabilities or the elderly, public interest legal services (including prosecutors, public defenders and legal advocacy on behalf of low-income communities at a nonprofit organization), public librarians, school librarians and other school-based services, and employees of tax exempt 501(c)(3) organizations. Full-time faculty at tribal colleges and universities, as well as faculty teaching in high-need subject areas and shortage areas (including nurse faculty, foreign language faculty, and part-time faculty at community colleges), also qualify.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#19 Jan 17, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
There are millions of people who can't drive. Ever. Maybe they're legally blind, maybe they have epilepsy. They learn to manage just fine.
That would depend on where you live. If public transportation is plentiful, you can probably get by just fine. But if she lives in a place like Orlando, your public transportation options are severely limited and would greatly limit your options on where to live and where to work and where to shop etc.

You can survive in NY without a car. I could not imagine trying to survive in Orlando, Miami, Tampa, etc without a car or someone to drive you around.

“I looked, and behold,”

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#20 Jan 17, 2013
pde wrote:
<quoted text>
Loan forgiveness requires you have been on IBR for 25 years (starting in 2014, 20 years). Which means that you've had to make every payment on time for 20 years and have submitted and have your yearly income evaluated every year to determine your payment schedule for the upcoming year. Loan forgiveness after having been on IBR for 20 or 25 years is mainly symbolic. Almost nobody ever qualifies for it.
I don't care what it requires. It's not good policy.

It rewards inefficient behavior. It rewards poor decision making It rewards the dolt who instead of going to community college for 2 years and then a 4 year college for the last two years, who decides f' it, I'll just loan money from the government and go to the 4 year college for four years and then stiff tax payers.

People will also inevitably game the system, as you suggest below. Folks who could afford to pay more than the minimum loan payment won't.
pde wrote:
<quoted text>If you want to rant about loan forgiveness adding to the nation debt, rant about the 10 years government employment forgiveness instead. I know multiple people who are on track for that one, although most of them have gotten their high loan balance through business school or law school, not studying philosophy. And they are all getting paid fairly well (working in DC, mainly), enough that paying off their loan balances without forgiveness is quite doable. Most of them are manipulating the system to make sure they still have a balance at 10 years to be forgiven.
I'll rant about that too. Rewarding folks for taking a cake government job, where they have all sorts of rights and benefits that those in the private sector don't have? WTF? That's about the most f'ing idiotic thing I have ever heard in my life.

I would only be for loan forgiveness if you give something back to your country ... like are a doctor who dedicates so many hours each year working in a clinic that serves underprivileged communities or a doctor who sets up a clinic in an underprivileged community and provides discounted services to these people.

There are ways you can structure these programs to incentivize good and beneficial behavior and forgive loans of people who actually deserve it. Democrats just don't care. They just don't. Just throw money we don't have at people. They will vote for you that way.

“I looked, and behold,”

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#21 Jan 17, 2013
pde wrote:
And oh, look ...
If your guy serves in the military after college, he's eligible for the 10 year forgiveness program too:
That's too generous IMO, but at least the guy who serves did something for his nation, other than mooch.

Furthermore, given that those who serve already get 50k or whatever to help them pay college, any loans taken out by such folks are going to be lower than some guy who borrows the whole enchilada from taxpayers.

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