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“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#1 Feb 20, 2013
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Doug" (24), and I (22) have been in a long-distance relationship for a year, but we were friends for a couple of years before that. I had never had a serious relationship before and lacked experience. Doug has not only been in two other long-term relationships, but has had sex with more than 15 women. One of them is an amateur porn actress.

I knew about this, but it didn't bother me until recently. Doug had a party, and while he was drunk he told one of his buddies -- in front of me -- that he should watch a certain porn film starring his ex-girlfriend. It made me feel awkward. The next day he apologized.

Of course, having learned her name, I couldn't help myself from searching for her on the Internet. Now I can't stop comparing myself to her, and I feel intimidated and frustrated.

I have been struggling with how to get over it. Doug has told me many times that he loves me and I believe him. But those stupid, drunken comments really knocked me down. How do I get over my boyfriend's past?-- ECLIPSED BY A "STAR" IN NEW YORK

DEAR ECLIPSED: A giant step in the right direction would be to quit comparing yourself to a porn actress. In his addled condition, your immature boyfriend couldn't resist bragging to his buddies because he thought it would impress them with his prowess. If he had serious feelings about her, he would still be with her, not in a relationship with you.

That said, it would be in your best interest to find out if this woman really was a "girlfriend" or one of his one-night stands. If he is in a long-distance relationship with you and tends to be promiscuous, you should be more concerned about his judgment than how to get over his past.

DEAR ABBY: We have always purchased rather than leased our cars. One of them has 225,000 miles on the odometer and is running well. I have two friends who lease expensive foreign cars. Keeping the mileage down on their cars is important to them, especially when it comes time to return them at the end of the lease.

Because of this, I find myself driving more often than I should. One friend attends a weekly meeting with me, and we're supposed to take turns driving each other every other week. But somehow I end up at the wheel more often. I'd hate to start writing down our outings, but I'm beginning to feel used.

While I respect their decision to lease expensive new cars, it is not my responsibility to keep their expenses down. Both of these women are in a better financial position than I am, although we are all "comfortable."

Any ideas about how to approach this without seeming petty? It has been going on for a long while and is starting to bother me.-- DRIVEN TOO FAR IN LONG BEACH, CALIF.

DEAR DRIVEN TOO FAR: If you feel that you are being taken advantage of, then you probably are. I recommend you wean these ladies off your chauffeur services by being less available when they need a ride. And if you are asked why, remind them of your original agreement to share the driving duties 50-50.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

#2 Feb 20, 2013
1- Aren't we ALL amateur porn stars? But he's probably a braggart and really only had sex with three people including his sister. Chances aren't good this long distance relationship will last anyway. Move on.

2- Leases set the mileage so low it's almost unfeasible. But put your foot down and remind them of the agreement.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#3 Feb 20, 2013
L1: "One of them is an amateur porn actress." How does that work? I think a porn actress = gets paid, and amateur just means she's willing to have sex while being filmed. Doesn't make her an actress. I doubt there was a script to follow and some "acting" before the sex happened.

He's only 24. He doesn't have a past. He has a present. I think he sounds kinda icky.

L2: They're cheap. Insist on taking turns.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#4 Feb 20, 2013
Typical mileaeg for a leased car is 10k to 15k miles per year. I probably can do that. Depends on where you live,I think. My car has averaged about 10,000 miles per year.
deer abby

Anonymous Proxy

#6 Feb 20, 2013
deer abby deer abby

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#7 Feb 20, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
Typical mileaeg for a leased car is 10k to 15k miles per year. I probably can do that. Depends on where you live,I think. My car has averaged about 10,000 miles per year.
My Camry is about to turn 180. I change the oil twice a year whether I need to or not and I am on my second set of tires ( changed the first around 130). It is also known as Mom's Taxi and Limo Service and drives all over teh place. If you feel taken advantage of, ask for gas money-- pull in and ask your friend to use their credit card for a fill up.Next time they will drive. Guaranteed

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#8 Feb 20, 2013
LW1: "One of them is an amateur porn actress."
?? Do you need to make a certain number of movies before you go pro?

LW2: Stop worrying about their mileage issues. When the subject of who's driving comes up, just focus on who's turn it is. As much as they need to keep their mileage down because of the lease, you should be trying to keep yours down as well to make your car last longer.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#9 Feb 20, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
Typical mileaeg for a leased car is 10k to 15k miles per year. I probably can do that. Depends on where you live,I think. My car has averaged about 10,000 miles per year.
We leased J's current car. He works from home and everything in this town is under 10 miles away, usually less. I think the 12K a year or whatever we agreed to is generous.

My car is an '06 that I bought new and I just hit 40K.

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#10 Feb 20, 2013
L1: Is there a light at the end of this long-distance tunnel? If not, you should probably break up with him. There's no point in driving yourself crazy.

L2: Yes, it's your friends' problems/responsibility to make sure they don't go over their lease miles and all that, but it's also your responsibility to take care of your own car and speak up for yourself if the 50-50 agreement ended up more like 70-30.

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#11 Feb 20, 2013
Now that I live so close to work and am single, my mileage has dropped a lot. But before, I'd put 12-15k per year on my car.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#12 Feb 20, 2013
Matilda77 wrote:
<quoted text>
We leased J's current car. He works from home and everything in this town is under 10 miles away, usually less. I think the 12K a year or whatever we agreed to is generous.
My car is an '06 that I bought new and I just hit 40K.
So if these people with leased, expensive cars live in parts of the U.S. where they have to drive more (like the East Coast or SoCal) in general, that's their own damn fault!

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#13 Feb 20, 2013
j_m_w wrote:
Now that I live so close to work and am single, my mileage has dropped a lot. But before, I'd put 12-15k per year on my car.
I think a lot of it is regional, and sometimes just luck of the job/housing situation. I've never lived more than 15 miles from a job (and it's never taken me more than 30 minutes to get to work).

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#14 Feb 20, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
So if these people with leased, expensive cars live in parts of the U.S. where they have to drive more (like the East Coast or SoCal) in general, that's their own damn fault!
Exactly!

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#15 Feb 20, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
I think a lot of it is regional, and sometimes just luck of the job/housing situation. I've never lived more than 15 miles from a job (and it's never taken me more than 30 minutes to get to work).
My dad worked in downtown Chicago until he retired, and from the suburbs, it probably took him an hour and a half each way, from our house to his desk. F that so much. I guess it gave him some time to decompress from work before he got home, but bleh. He was gone almost 12 hours a day.

I don't miss the 'burbs, is what I'm sayin'.

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#16 Feb 20, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
I think a lot of it is regional, and sometimes just luck of the job/housing situation. I've never lived more than 15 miles from a job (and it's never taken me more than 30 minutes to get to work).
My farthest from work was about 20 miles, and it took about 35-40 minutes. Since I've been at this job, it's been mostly 15 miles/30 minutes until I moved in December. And I haven't been driving to Miami, Ft. Lauderdale, Orlando, etc. on the weekends since I've been by myself.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#17 Feb 20, 2013
Which is exactly what you SHOULD be doing!
j_m_w wrote:
<quoted text>
I haven't been driving to Ft. Lauderdale on the weekends since I've been by myself.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#18 Feb 20, 2013
LW1: At 22, I don't think you should put too much hope and effort into this relationship. Your boyfriend's past may be a deal breaker for you. If so, move along. And try and find someone a little closer to home.

LW2: Start saying that your car is too old to be used so much and make them stick to the 50/50 agreement. Stop being a martyr.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#19 Feb 20, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
L1: "One of them is an amateur porn actress." How does that work? I think a porn actress = gets paid, and amateur just means she's willing to have sex while being filmed. Doesn't make her an actress. I doubt there was a script to follow and some "acting" before the sex happened.
I'm guessing that it's stuff that's been filmed by a boyfriend and posted on an amateur site. She may be getting a little money per view.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#20 Feb 20, 2013
Matilda77 wrote:
<quoted text>
My dad worked in downtown Chicago until he retired, and from the suburbs, it probably took him an hour and a half each way, from our house to his desk. F that so much. I guess it gave him some time to decompress from work before he got home, but bleh. He was gone almost 12 hours a day.
I don't miss the 'burbs, is what I'm sayin'.
No train close or did he just not want to take it?
Sam I Am

Knoxville, TN

#21 Feb 20, 2013
1. It was a stupid commment he made while he was drunk, and he apologized. A lot of guys wouldn't have. Instead of worrying about other girls he has been with, worry about yourself. Worry about how to get better in the sack. Ask what he likes. Take pride in getting better. Loosen up. By a ball gag and a hood. Rock his world, sister, rock it!

2. I really don't care.

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