“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#1 Jul 18, 2014
DEAR ABBY: For years, my wife and I were RV enthusiasts. We have a son who was envious about our lifestyle and expressed a desire to own an RV and travel the highways. When we decided to give up the practice, we gave our travel trailer to him as a gift.

The trailer has been sitting on his property for more than a year now and has never been moved. He has kept the license and insurance fees current. He recently told us he has changed his mind and is no longer interested in traveling with it. He has offered it back to us.

We have decided to sell it and wonder what, if any, moral obligation we have to share the proceeds of the sale with our son. Your thoughts?-- HOMEBOUND OUT WEST

DEAR HOMEBOUND: You gave your son the RV as a gift; he is returning it to you instead of selling it himself. While I think it would be generous of you to split the proceeds with your son, I don't think there is any moral imperative that you must.

DEAR ABBY: My wife of 17 years just told me out of the blue that she doesn't love me anymore and hasn't for some time. To say that this came as a shock is an understatement. We've had our disagreements, but we always worked through them, or so I thought.

Because she has felt this way for some time now, she has hardly shed a tear. For me, my heart is broken. I feel lost, confused, angry, depressed and I can't stop crying.

I wish I could die, but we have children and I know I can't leave them. We made a pact years ago that if we ever fell out of love we'd stay together for the kids until they were grown. Now I don't know if it was a lie or if she'll keep her promise.

I'm writing this at midnight, crying in the dark and alone. I still love her and my heart breaks every time I think about it. Please tell me what to do.-- DEVASTATED IN TEMPE, ARIZ.

DEAR DEVASTATED: I am sorry for the pain you are feeling. What you must do now is pull yourself together and find out from your wife when it was that the two of you stopped communicating honestly with each other -- because it seems your paths diverged some time ago. She owes you honest answers, and you need to hear them.

After that, you may have to decide whether you still want her to honor that long-ago promise to stay together until your children are adults. You might find it helpful to stage some of these conversations in the office of a licensed marriage and family counselor. Having a mediator present could make it easier for both of you. While I can't promise counseling will save your marriage, it may provide you with the emotional support you will need in the weeks and months ahead.

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

#2 Jul 18, 2014
LW1: No, you owe him nothing.

LW2: Never stay together "for the kids". It does them no good. And why would you want to be tied down in a loveless relationship? And no, she didn't "lie" to you about the pact. It was a foolish pact to make to begin with.
Kuuipo

Marina, CA

#3 Jul 18, 2014
Team Stina for both LWs.
Cass

Rancho Cucamonga, CA

#4 Jul 18, 2014
Stina2 wrote:
LW2: Never stay together "for the kids". It does them no good. And why would you want to be tied down in a loveless relationship? And no, she didn't "lie" to you about the pact. It was a foolish pact to make to begin with.
I am not sure I agree. If both spouses are capable of being civil and respectful to each other, not hostile or like cold fish, and not having a bf/gf on the side.
Cass

Rancho Cucamonga, CA

#5 Jul 18, 2014
oops. hit the wrong button too early. Anyway, if the parents are capable of maintaining a friendly and respectful manner with each other, I think it's better for the kids if the parents stay together.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#6 Jul 18, 2014
Cass wrote:
oops. hit the wrong button too early. Anyway, if the parents are capable of maintaining a friendly and respectful manner with each other, I think it's better for the kids if the parents stay together.
I have to agree with Stina. Staying for the kids, even while you can be civil, what you are modelling to those kids is not a loving relationship. What you say isn't the only things kids pick-up. They see how you interact and that is a learning lesson as well.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#7 Jul 18, 2014
L1: Bonus. Pocket the cash. You could use it for a plane ticket for the three of you or some type of vacation.

L2: Rarely is there no signs. Men sometimes miss the signs (woman can as well). The LW needs counselling.

Since: Dec 09

Smalltown, Colorado

#8 Jul 18, 2014
God, some men are so clueless. I ran into an old boyfriend after we had both been married and divorced from other people. He told me he had no idea that his wife had been unhappy. Then I dated him a few times. I was amazed she stayed with him that long. The most unconscious guy I have ever met!

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

#9 Jul 21, 2014
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
I have to agree with Stina. Staying for the kids, even while you can be civil, what you are modelling to those kids is not a loving relationship. What you say isn't the only things kids pick-up. They see how you interact and that is a learning lesson as well.
This. Kids sense it. They know.

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