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“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

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#1
Apr 15, 2013
 
DEAR AMY: My husband and I do not plan to have children for a few more years. We already know we are the "I only like my own kids" type of people.

My problem is, I don't want other people's kids at our house -- ever -- for any reason. The way we see it, when we have kids, we'll have kids over at our house for the rest of our lives. Until then I don't want there to even be a chance that something will get broken or ruined by undisciplined kids and negligent parents. When we have our own children, we can teach and discipline them as we see fit.

How can we politely find out if a friend is planning on bringing his/her kids to our place? Is there a polite way to tell people our house is a no-kid zone?-- No-Kid Zone

DEAR NO-KID: One way to prevent kids from invading your world is to convey to parents: "We only like our own children, but we don't have any, so that means we don't like any children -- at least for now."

You have a right to keep your home a pristine castle, but your letter raises my hackles because you claim you want to have children and yet -- you don't like them. So why plan to have kids? Parenthood is not for everyone.

You need to learn that the fullness of life is incubated in its messy places. Letting go of your iron-grip control will free you to surrender to surprise. And one of your surprises could be that not all kids are destructive little monsters hell-bent on breaking your stuff, and not all parents are neglectful nincompoops (although truly, where kids go, stains sometimes follow).

But that is beside the point. Right now, you need only tell your friends, "We'd really like for you to come over, but only if you can get a sitter."

DEAR AMY: Ten months ago, my boyfriend and I picked out an engagement ring together.

That was in June, and he still hasn't given the ring to me. Whenever I try to ask why he hasn't proposed yet, it turns into a big fight.

He says he isn't ready yet and is waiting for the perfect time. We have dated for 3-1/2 years and lived together for two years. He has been married before, so I feel maybe that has something to do with it, but he insists it doesn't.

I don't know how much longer I can sit back watching all my other friends get engaged and married. It's making me really angry toward him, and it really hurts me. I just want to know how long is too long to keep waiting.-- Eager to be Engaged

DEAR EAGER: I remember being eager, like you. Like you, I had a reluctant guy who just couldn't get off the dime. And being me, I found a way to force the issue.(If you wonder how all this turned out, you can ask my ex-husband.)

If your guy were ready, he would create his own perfect moment. You could probably crowbar him off of his perch, but if you do, he will enter marriage feeling coerced and controlled.

Succumbing to peer pressure to get married is the worst reason to enter into such an important and intimate state.

You need to sit down and talk to your guy. Stay calm. Don't pressure him about the ring. Tell him you understand and accept that he's not ready and take it off the table. Do you want to stay with him, unmarried and unengaged? If so, stay. Otherwise, if you want marriage, you will need to face the fact that you will probably have to find a different partner.

DEAR AMY: I have some advice for "Rejected Mom." She says she wants her kids to "feel loved and not rejected." Well, if so, then love them and do not reject them.

Do not expect others to provide the love and acceptance you desire for your own.-- R

DEAR R: She also signed her letter "Rejected Mom," which told me that this was really more about her than her children.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

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#2
Apr 15, 2013
 

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Lw1: just do everyone a favor and don't invite anyone tou your house unless they don't have kids. Unless it was some big adult party, I would not even consider getting a baby sitter just to come over and hang out at your house.
Lw2: What a great reason to get maried: everyone else is doing it.
I wonder who's idea it was to even go ring shopping...

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#3
Apr 15, 2013
 

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1 I hope you are willing to live by your own sword lady. I dont expect you to EVER bring your little snot nosed rug rats to anyone elses house either. I dont care if they have kids themselves, your kids will be the ones breaking stuff and ruining the carpets.

2 Oh, the drama... All your friends are doing it and you are left out, boo-hoo! Grow up! Marriage is not a game.

3 I dont remember this rehash, so it's kinda crunchy.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#4
Apr 15, 2013
 

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Hey Tonks! Get to work!

“On Deck”

Since: Aug 08

French Polynesia

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#5
Apr 15, 2013
 
L1. Kids don't like you either and they don't want to be at your house anyway.
You are boring and lack imagination and your junk is dated out of style.

As for myself, I happen to like kids. And they like me too.
They keep me young.

“Colorful Beyond Words”

Since: May 11

"True Love Never Ends "

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#6
Apr 15, 2013
 
LW1. What Race said

LW2 What Race said.

That was easy :)

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

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#7
Apr 15, 2013
 
Team RACE all the way.

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

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#8
Apr 15, 2013
 

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L1: I don't want kids at my house either but I've never had a friend assume that they could or should bring their kids over. I guess it's just understood that when I have people over, it's for adult time. I guess my point is that I've never encountered the problem of how to make sure kids are excluded from invitations to one's house - is it that common?

L2: Grow up.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

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#9
Apr 15, 2013
 
1- Fake letter.

2- Men LOVE to be pressured into marriage. This won't run him off at all!
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

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#10
Apr 15, 2013
 
LW1: Never met the LW but I already hate her. She's going to be the one who beats her kids for using wire hangers. I hope she never procreates.

LW2: LW sounds like a spoiled little kid who is upset because she doesn't have the dolly that all her friends have. Grow up. Her brattiness is just going to drive her guy away. And if I were him, I'd run.

LW3: Don't remember this hash.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

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#11
Apr 15, 2013
 
L1: We've had a few kids over to our house before, but since their parents are attentive and aren't azzholes, it wasn't an issue. Never had problems with SIL's friends either, but I don't really consider them 'kids' in this sense.

These people probably shouldn't even have their own kids.

L2: Quick! All your friends just jumped off a cliff! Better go follow them!

L3: What? I don't even remember the original.
NicoleK

Lucens, Switzerland

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#12
Apr 15, 2013
 

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LW2 - After that amount of time if he's not sure, there's a good chance he's not that into you. It's ok to want him to commit, and it is ok to be jealous of your friends. You need to figure out if he's keeping you around because it is easier than dumping you, or if he is actually in love.
NicoleK

Lucens, Switzerland

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#13
Apr 15, 2013
 

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I forgot to add: guys who want to get married do so. They don't need to be pressured or tricked into it. Hints are one thing, but if you're having fights about it...

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

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#14
Apr 15, 2013
 
NicoleK wrote:
LW2 - After that amount of time if he's not sure, there's a good chance he's not that into you.
Over five years of dating and two years of living together is a long time to be with someone you're "not that into." He could jut be a commitment phobe. But I'll agree that after being with someone for that long, it's time to sht or get off the pot.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#15
Apr 15, 2013
 
Children who use wire hangers should be beaten.
Stina wrote:
She's going to be the one who beats her kids for using wire hangers.

“It made sense at the time....”

Since: May 09

Schaumburg, IL

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#16
Apr 15, 2013
 
LW1 - if it weren't for kids or my parents, we'd never have guests... last weekend, our doorbell rang and it was our little neighbor (and her daddy). she wasted to come & visit, but then she got all shy. once she warmed up, we had a nice little visit. there is somethign odd to the idea of never ever having kids over until they're your own. i call my nephews & their friends training wheels...

LW2 - tinkle or get off the potty discussions require some delicacy... apparently, i was slightly less than tacktful, but hubby thoguth through it and here we are, going on 10 years of marriage. But, its telling that every time LW brings it up, it turns into a fight...

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

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#17
Apr 15, 2013
 

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I find wire hangers are essential in preventing children.

*runs away*
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

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#18
Apr 15, 2013
 
Matilda77 wrote:
I find wire hangers are essential in preventing children.
*runs away*
sooooooo bad!:D
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

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#19
Apr 15, 2013
 
Aisle Sitter wrote:
LW1 - if it weren't for kids or my parents, we'd never have guests... last weekend, our doorbell rang and it was our little neighbor (and her daddy). she wasted to come & visit, but then she got all shy. once she warmed up, we had a nice little visit. there is somethign odd to the idea of never ever having kids over until they're your own. i call my nephews & their friends training wheels...
LW2 - tinkle or get off the potty discussions require some delicacy... apparently, i was slightly less than tacktful, but hubby thoguth through it and here we are, going on 10 years of marriage. But, its telling that every time LW brings it up, it turns into a fight...
That's the other thing, too - if LW has kids, their kids will want their friends over. Is she going to tell her kids that they aren't allowed to have friends visit?

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

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#20
Apr 15, 2013
 

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Matilda77 wrote:
I find wire hangers are essential in preventing children.
*runs away*
As one who remebers those days, that is bad, and not necessarily in a funny way.

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