Abby 10-22

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“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

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#1
Oct 22, 2012
 
DEAR ABBY: When my husband and I married, I thought I had hit the jackpot in mothers-in-law. We were becoming friends, going shopping together, etc. Boy, was I wrong. Now, five years later, I can't stand her. Just 15 minutes with her sends me over the edge. She's rude, judgmental, and gossips like a teenager about everyone.

She put together a cookbook for me filled with my husband's favorite recipes. Guess what? After trying half a dozen of them and failing at every one, I realized she had changed and added or omitted certain ingredients in every single one. When I asked about it, she told me she just wanted her son to prefer her cooking over mine.

Then there was the time she was baby-sitting and took our son to see Santa Claus for the very first time without asking or telling us. That's an event parents want to be part of. I found out about it months later when I looked through her scrapbook.

I'm not sure of her motives, but she has something against me. My husband is on my side 100 percent when it comes to his mother. He can't stand to be around her either. What is the appropriate way to handle her? She makes us want to move away.-- READY TO PACK IN OHIO

DEAR READY TO PACK: It isn't necessary to move away to distance yourselves from people like your mother-in-law. Limit the time you spend with her. When you must see her, be careful not to say anything negative about anyone or give her sensitive information you don't want shared. If you want to prepare a special food for your husband, go online and find recipes that haven't been "doctored." You'll find plenty of them. Then let him rave about your cooking.

As for the incident with Santa, remember that your son was so young he probably has no memory of it. Many little children are frightened by big strangers in red suits, which is why smart parents don't force the exposure. And now that you know what poor judgment your mother-in-law has, make other arrangements for a sitter when you need one.

But don't cut her off. However she managed it, she created the wonderful husband with whom you are blessed.

DEAR ABBY: I am a divorced father of two children, one in college and the other in high school. I have reached a point in life where I can take trips and make time for me. I am well-educated and earn an above-average income. I'm in decent shape and considered a "catch" by many of the single women I encounter. But most of the women in my age bracket (mid-40s) or slightly younger no longer take care of themselves.

I'm looking for a very attractive woman to accompany me through life. Most single men I know also put a premium on a woman's appearance. Why don't women understand this? Where would you suggest finding a suitable partner for someone in my situation?-- MR. PARTICULAR IN TUCSON

DEAR MR. PARTICULAR: Start at the nearest gym. If that doesn't net you what you're trolling for, another place to look would be the Playboy Mansion in Los Angeles. Hef throws large parties there, many of which are charity fundraisers. Who knows? For a generous donation you might meet a woman who meets your high standards -- providing you have enough assets of your own to merit her interest.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#2
Oct 22, 2012
 
lw1: Easy answer, don't spend so much time with her. DOn't let her have any influence on your life. Don't trust her intentions on anything and take them with a grain of salt. If she is willingto sabotage a recipe just to make herself look better, then she will apply that to other parts of life. Assume she always has HER best in mind, not yours.

And Abby, this is no justification for them not to move.
"But don't cut her off. However she managed it, she created the wonderful husband with whom you are blessed."

He became wonderful IN SPITE of his mother. He too can't stand her.

LW2: Why was it necesary to give his whole history(divorced, father of 2, college & HS, I can take trips, blah blah blah) when the question is, "where can I find hot chicks?"?

Since: Mar 09

United States

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#3
Oct 22, 2012
 
L1: Wow, she really did a 180, huh? I agree with Tonka: limit your time with her, and take her with a grain of salt. It would be nice if your husband would stand up to her.

L2: Heh. Abby's answer made me laugh.

Since: Jan 10

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#4
Oct 22, 2012
 
L1: "I found out about it months later when I looked through her scrapbook." Then I don't see the problem. You took your kid to see Santa, thinking it was his first trip, and given how young he was, it doesn't matter.

L2: "But most of the women in my age bracket (mid-40s) or slightly younger no longer take care of themselves." You mean they're heavier than you like. Do what ABby suggested: Go to the gym. Or join meetup.org and do activities that interest you.
PEllen

Chicago, IL

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#5
Oct 22, 2012
 
Mister Tonka wrote:
"But don't cut her off. However she managed it, she created the wonderful husband with whom you are blessed."
He became wonderful IN SPITE of his mother. He too can't stand her.

LW2: Why was it necesary to give his whole history(divorced, father of 2, college & HS, I can take trips, blah blah blah) when the question is, "where can I find hot chicks?"?
I'll wait for Matilda's take on this. She would be the local Subject Matter Expert.

LW2 is entitled to say he wants to screen his dates based on visual attractiveness. That I may think it is shallow is besides the point. His letter says that he is a great catch and he therefore wants a trophy date.

Cool, as long as I don't have to hear what may pass for conversation with them

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#6
Oct 22, 2012
 
1 Girl stuff...

2 Way to bash the man amby. I seem to remember a woman writing the same thing not too long ago, and I dont remember any snark from you when it was a female writing.

Of course I think the guy is an idiot for having to write in to amby anyway.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#7
Oct 22, 2012
 

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PEllen wrote:
LW2 is entitled to say he wants to screen his dates based on visual attractiveness. That I may think it is shallow is besides the point.
And you don't think the majority of the population uses the visual as the iitial screen test?

“Licensed to Ill”

Since: Aug 08

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#8
Oct 22, 2012
 

Judged:

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LW1: Distance whether geographically or figuratively.

LW2: Sheesh, Abby isnít jaded or anything, now is she?

Men who think more of women who are attractive = bad, women who think more of men who have a nice bankroll = okay.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

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#9
Oct 22, 2012
 
L1: Walls. Barriers. Boundaries. Establish them.
Don't let her watch your kid. Let your husband be your first line of defense against her.

Compassion is starting to seep in to my brain when dealing with my own, of late. She *is* mentally ill and I'm trying to take that in to account. This doesn't negate the whole boundaries thing.

She couldn't reach J this weekend for a very trivial question, so she starts messaging me. She's the type that, if you don't answer right away, she keeps messaging. And if you don't get back to her in a timely manner, she gets all passive aggressive "Are you mad at me?" "I don't mean to bother you..." "Are you sure you're not mad at me?"

So I let her message me a bunch of times until it got to that point. Then I sent a really sweet reply. "MIL, no J did not take a rental car today, he got his car fixed. I'm not mad at you, I'm just not near my computer or phone this morning. Hope you have a great day!"

Might seem passive aggressive on my part, but J and my SIL kind of have a "How high?" approach to everytime she says "Jump" and I refuse to play in to that. Can't control her, can control me.

Seriously, she was messaging both of us repeatedly to find out if he took a rental car. WTF? Again. Mentally ill.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

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#10
Oct 22, 2012
 

Judged:

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1- Ok, she purposefully sabotaged recipes she gave you so your husband would prefer his mother's cooking over yours?! That's beyond effed up.

2- Way to bash the man for having set standards. There's nothing wrong with what he's wanting.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

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#11
Oct 22, 2012
 
L2: I get what this guy is complaining about--just not sure why he wrote to Abby about it. Maybe it's more of a PSA. Join a run club, a gym, something like that. I've made a ton of new contacts through hockey of marginally athletic people.

J's buddy B dates local women he finds on Match and a lot of them are huuuuuge. Not 'curvy'. Obese. He connects with them okay online, but then when he meets them, he's just not attracted at all. And these are 25-33 age range. I can't imagine it gets better for the 40+ crowd.
Sam I Am

Huntingdon, TN

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#12
Oct 22, 2012
 

Judged:

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1. She gave you a sabotaged recipe collection? What. A. Toxic. Bitch. If your husband is on your side, I would limit interaction with her and be very forward about why. I have no time for people like that in my life, no matter who it is.

2. Abby, why be such a petty, condescending wench? There is absolutely nothing wrong with a man or a woman wanting to be with someone who is fit. If he takes care of himself, he has every right to want to be with someone who does the same.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#13
Oct 22, 2012
 
L1: Sounds like Marie Barone. Do you live across the street from her? Is your husband's name Raymond?

L2: Whatever. Yes, the gym would be a place to start. Maybe the hot chicks aren't all that into you, though.

Since: Jan 10

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#14
Oct 22, 2012
 
Matilda77 wrote:
Might seem passive aggressive on my part, but J and my SIL kind of have a "How high?" approach to everytime she says "Jump" and I refuse to play in to that. Can't control her, can control me.
Heh. I read "How high?" and thought it was going to be followed with a comment about how they try to take into account how stoned their mom is.

Since: Jan 10

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#15
Oct 22, 2012
 
edogxxx wrote:
1- Ok, she purposefully sabotaged recipes she gave you so your husband would prefer his mother's cooking over yours?! That's beyond effed up.
The mom did that to Debra on "Everybody Loves Raymond."

Since: Jan 10

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#16
Oct 22, 2012
 
Matilda77 wrote:
L2: I get what this guy is complaining about--just not sure why he wrote to Abby about it. Maybe it's more of a PSA. Join a run club, a gym, something like that. I've made a ton of new contacts through hockey of marginally athletic people.
J's buddy B dates local women he finds on Match and a lot of them are huuuuuge. Not 'curvy'. Obese. He connects with them okay online, but then when he meets them, he's just not attracted at all. And these are 25-33 age range. I can't imagine it gets better for the 40+ crowd.
Doesn't he see they're obese just from their head and double chin shot?

Since: Dec 07

DuPage County

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#17
Oct 22, 2012
 
L1: "..don't cut her off?" BS! Cut her out entirely after you both give her the ultimatum of no more BS from her.

L2: How dare he not want to date out-of-shape women. On the other hand, enjoy being alone....you're going to spend a lot of time alone if you have that high standards.
pde

Schaumburg, IL

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#18
Oct 22, 2012
 
Matilda77 wrote:
She's the type that, if you don't answer right away, she keeps messaging. And if you don't get back to her in a timely manner, she gets all passive aggressive "Are you mad at me?" "I don't mean to bother you..." "Are you sure you're not mad at me?"
Wow. Your MIL would really hate me. I'm the type of person who looks at her phone in the evening to see what I've missed during the day, because my phone is usually in my purse and my purse locked up in a drawer, thus I don't hear the ring or text tone anyhow.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

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#19
Oct 22, 2012
 

Judged:

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RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
Doesn't he see they're obese just from their head and double chin shot?
Well, yeah, but he's desperate, so he tries to give them a chance. And, of course, he has had the ones that put up pictures from high school when they were half their size.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

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#20
Oct 22, 2012
 
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
Heh. I read "How high?" and thought it was going to be followed with a comment about how they try to take into account how stoned their mom is.
Ha!

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