“Not a real reg”

Since: Jan 13

Location hidden

#1 Jan 27, 2013
DEAR AMY: I am a 19-year-old college student. I date on rare occasions. My father has raised me to be open-minded and to look for a guy who makes me feel amazing, unless heís African American (Iím white). My father is racist and has said to my face that he will disown me if I become committed to a man of that race.

The older I become, the more I am attracted to black men. I really want to respect my father and live up to his expectations (and that of my extended family, who share his ideology). But is it right to follow my heart and date whomever I choose?-- Unsure in South Carolina

DEAR UNSURE: I think of your attraction as an understandable, inevitable reaction to the deficit of reason, logic and old-fashioned family values in your household. Denying your right to date whomever you want to date forces you and your family into an ancient dance of forbidden love (for cultural references, read about Tristan and Isolde, Romeo and Juliet, Miss Piggy and ... everyone).

If you choose to date an African American man, you must understand that this is high-stakes behavior on your part. Though some families are transformed by being forced to face these issues, you should assume that your family is actually capable of following through on their threat to cut you off completely. Follow your heart, but prepare yourself.

DEAR AMY: I am a grad student with somewhat limited funds. I save up for really nice presents for my friends for Christmas, and I try to make the gifts personal.

Iíve always done this because I want that person to feel special. Although my friends make decent incomes, itís clear that they donít spend very much on presents and donít make them personal.

I know it is the thought that counts, but it seems to me that they didnít put much thought into it at all! I wish I didnít feel hurt by this, but I do. What should I do?-- Disappointed

DEAR DISAPPOINTED: You need to explore why you are giving gifts. Are your gifts a reflection of your tastes and values and an expression of your natural generosity, or do you use gifts to inspire other people to give equally to you?

You should not put more money or time into your gift-giving than you have to spare ó happily, willingly and without expectation. When you free yourself from an expectation of reciprocity, you may end up adjusting your giving so itís less stressful for you. You will definitely receive more pure joy from the act of giving.

DEAR AMY: Like ďDemocrat in Hiding,Ē described in your column, I married a very conservative man who has become more and more radical.

He has refused to concede that there is any validity in my views, although I certainly agree that sometimes there is some in his (not much, but some). However, occasionally agreeing with him doesnít seem to have helped much, consequently we have made politics off-limits in our household.

This mostly works, although occasionally he goes off on a rant. When this happens, I respond either by leaving the room or by asking him to moderate his tone. He usually stops. If he keeps on, I leave.

I have told him a few times that the way he states his views is disrespectful to me. Iíve told him that in my family we are used to having a civil discourse if we disagree. This sounds pretty priggish, but I sometimes feel like I have to say it.

Walking out works pretty well, though. It is a difficult (but not impossible) situation.-- Mixed Marriage

DEAR MIXED: Peacefully leaving the scene of the crime sounds like an excellent idea.
liner

Delray Beach, FL

#2 Jan 27, 2013
L1: You always want what you can't have.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#3 Jan 27, 2013
1- You're not attracted to black men, you're attracted to the forbidden fruit. By all means, date a black guy, hell, get knocked up for good measure. Then when your father cuts you out of his life and his house and his funds, you can say you sure showed him.

2- Boo hoo, don't look a gift horse in the mouth. I think you're just mad you don't get exactly what you want.

3- "He has refused to concede that there is any validity in my views."

Because there aren't.

"I certainly agree that sometimes there is some in his."

See? Wise up, get informed, and join the side of freedom.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#4 Jan 27, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
3- "He has refused to concede that there is any validity in my views."
Because there aren't.
"I certainly agree that sometimes there is some in his."
See? Wise up, get informed, and join the side of freedom.
Umm, would freedom be the side that says everyone can and should have a gun, concealed carry presumably for use when you think necessary or would freedom be the side of the guy who walks down a dark street drinking a can if ice tea with the expectation he will get home without having to be hassled by a security guard from the subdivision?

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#5 Jan 27, 2013
PEllen wrote:
<quoted text>
Umm, would freedom be the side that says everyone can and should have a gun, concealed carry presumably for use when you think necessary or would freedom be the side of the guy who walks down a dark street drinking a can if ice tea with the expectation he will get home without having to be hassled by a security guard from the subdivision?
The side that ended slavery and gave women the right to vote (Republicans.) Or the side that bans the second amendment, bans large soft drinks, bans fast food and junk food, bans smoking, bans incandescent light bulbs...

Which side promotes freedom and liberty?

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#6 Jan 27, 2013
Freedom and liberty are not the same things (I remember that from a grad school exam).

Even given the rhetorical device of exaggerating to make a point, no one, no one, has advocated banning the 2nd amendment. Not here, not Washington, not nowhere.

(But you gotta watch out in case North Korea tries to invade Oregon.)

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#7 Jan 27, 2013
PEllen wrote:
Freedom and liberty are not the same things
Then which would you rather have?
PEllen wrote:
no one, no one, has advocated banning the 2nd amendment. Not here, not Washington, not nowhere.
Quinn, Daley, Rham, Fienstien...? What part of "shall not be infringed" is unclear to you?
Julie

Chicago, IL

#8 Jan 28, 2013
LW1: Yes, your father is a racist and it's repugnant. But if he *weren't* a racist, you'd have absolutely NO interest in black men. You just want to stick it to Daddy. Grow the F up, cupcake.

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