“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#1 Dec 29, 2013
DEAR ABBY: For 17 years I have been using the same hairstylist, "Marietta," because she does great cuts and color. She's married to my cousin "Gil," but not for long. They're divorcing.

Gil's mother suggested I should find a different stylist, but when I did, I had horrible results. I returned to Marietta and it took her several appointments to correct my color.

Some family members are now furious with me for getting my hair done by someone who is soon to be a relative's ex. I look at it as a business. I like what Marietta does for me. We never discuss the divorce. Family is now demanding an apology, and I don't think I owe one. I haven't been close to any of these people in years.

Must I say I'm sorry to distant family and discontinue Marietta's services? Or should I say nothing and continue my professional relationship with her? My roots are beginning to show again, so please answer quickly.-- SNIPPED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR SNIPPED: Tell Gil's mother to stay out of your hair. You tried leaving Marietta; it was a disaster -- and you plan on using her until the day you curl up and dye.

DEAR ABBY: I am the mother of three grown children. I have a good marriage, a successful career and a close relationship with my two younger children.

My problem involves my oldest daughter. She has been emotionally unstable and verbally abusive to me since her 20s. I have reached my limit of patience with her. We had a terrible fight three weeks ago, and she hasn't spoken to me since.

Abby, these have been the most peaceful weeks I have had in a long time. Am I a terrible mother? Is there such a thing as separating from a child? I am tired of always being the peacemaker with no effort on her part. What do you suggest?-- PEACEMAKER IN KENTUCKY

DEAR PEACEMAKER: Refusing to be abused by an adult child does not make you a terrible parent. I don't know what caused the fight between you and your daughter. If you caused it, then you owe it to both of you to offer an apology. If she caused it, then put your white flag away and enjoy the respite because sooner or later she'll be back.(Probably when she needs something.) Only she can fix what's wrong with her, but you can reduce your level of stress if you keep your distance.

DEAR ABBY: I was involved in a fatal car accident in 2012. Two of my best friends died. There is a void in my heart. They were 15 and 18. I feel so much pain over the loss of my friends, and it is never going to end or hurt less. Their families hate me, which is to be expected.

I am in prison and feel so depressed. Time here seems to barely move. How do I deal with this pain and my sentence?-- IN JAIL AND HURTING

DEAR HURTING: If possible, use your time in prison to complete your education. If there are classes, take them. If there is a library, use it. You can make the walls around you disappear if you lose yourself in the pages of a book. Try it, and you will see that I'm right.

DEAR ABBY: My in-laws double dip everything. During a holiday get-together, a family member stood eating out of a pot. Now my M-I-L informs me her daughter allows her dog to eat off the plates, but "she uses a dishwasher" so I shouldn't worry about germs.

How do I handle this? I can't eat there again.-- GROSSED OUT IN GROSSE POINT

DEAR GROSSED OUT: Eat before you go, and go as infrequently as possible.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#2 Dec 29, 2013
1- Wow, first world problems.

2- She'll come around or she won't. Focus on what's best for you.

3- Don't worry, buddy. Bubba will be your friend.

4- Oh, the horrors! Eating out of the pot?! Letting a dog lick a plate!? I'm surprised the whole family aren't on their death beds!
Cass

Claremont, CA

#3 Dec 29, 2013
LW1 - Some families just can stay out of each other's non-family business. Use any which hairstylist you want no matter who she was/is married to, keep it strictly business, and tell your family to stfu if they harp on it.

LW2 - No, you are not being a terrible mother unless, of course, you did something to your daughter when she was a child/teen, and that screwed her up. Then it's your responsibility to look into the past, find out what it is that messed your daughter up, and make amends if you had any responsibility.

LW3 - So, you were driving recklessly, probably while drunk or high or both. You caused the accident that killed your friend and were tried or took a plea and were sentenced to jail time. You are also grieving. To deal with the former, you serve the time the best you can, stay out of as much trouble as you can, avoid getting involved in gangs or getting hurt as much as you can, and learn your lesson. When you get out, you turn your life around and do your darndest best to become a model citizen: no drugs, no booze, no reckless behavior, etc. For the latter, you need to seek counseling. I don't know if it is possible in prison, but when you do get out, you need to find ways to get a good therapist.

“On Deck”

Since: Aug 08

French Polynesia

#4 Dec 29, 2013
L3. Yeah, I wouldn't want to be in your shoes. It sounds as if someone was convicted of aggrevated drunken driving with extenuating circumstances.

As you might know by now, the NTSB is pushing to have the DUI limit lowered nationwide to 0.05 or less.
They are, as to be expected, meeting stiff resistance from the alcohol lobby.
Cass

Claremont, CA

#5 Dec 29, 2013
LW4 - I think you are a bit germaphobic. If plates are washed after they have been licked by dogs, what's the danger of germs? Hot water in the dishwasher kills pretty much any bacteria.

Eating out of the pot and double-dipping may be a bit more problematic for some people because they think they are getting others' saliva, but unless those others lick their chips all over and dip them into salsa dripping with spit, you aren't getting any more germs than you do from shaking hands with them or opening their doors by handles.

The solution for you there is to grab a plate, put as much salsa/dip/guacamole/hummus/wha tever on it that you think you will eat and dip your chips and carrots only into that. Let them double-dip the rest.

Somewhat OT: I wonder if people like LW4 would rather become severely dehydrated on, say, a hike than share another person's bottle of water. It's a speculative question.

Another OT: I wonder if LW4 flushes her toiled with the lid up or down. It would be ironic if she did it with the lid up.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#6 Dec 29, 2013
loose cannon wrote:
As you might know by now, the NTSB is pushing to have the DUI limit lowered nationwide to 0.05 or less.
They are, as to be expected, meeting stiff resistance from the alcohol lobby.
BAC is just a number. It depends a lot on body weight, tolerance, time of your last drink to when you blow, etc, etc.

Maybe we should just have a zero tolerance policy? No alcohol content whatsoever?

I'm opposed to drinking and driving just as the next guy. But I'm opposed to a police state even more.
Blunt Advice

Oakland, NJ

#7 Dec 29, 2013
1. Is this your biggest problem in life? Count your blessings, and don't bother with your relatives if they are making such a big deal.

2 It's only been three weeks? Just one more week until another monthly cycle of bills that she needs help being paid. You will hear from her again soon enough.

3. Serve your time, and after that start a new clean sober life elsewhere.

4. File for divorce and find a germophobic family to marry into. Or bring food to be shared at these gatherings and only eat what you are comfortable with.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#8 Dec 29, 2013
L1: what Abby said.

L2: is she fine with everyone else? What if you ask her to go to family counseling with you to work on your relationship?

L3: wow. What Abby said. Prepare yourself for a life outside of prison as best as you can. Would it help you to address youth groups about what happened?

L4: I let my dog lick the occasional plate or bowl. The dishwasher is an amazing thing. Now that I don't have a dishwasher, I add bleach to dishwater. But eating out of a pot rather than just getting an individual bowl? Lazy and kind of gross.
boundary painter

San Antonio, TX

#9 Dec 29, 2013
Since Marietta did good work, it's LW1's choice to continue hiring her.

LW2's daughter is the one giving Kentucky the bad name. And, it's
the daughter's loss if she doesn't have any civil words for LW2.

LW3 nay as well ask the warden about community service (s)he can
be involved in--and see what good LW3 can still do.

And LW4, whom I hope is writing fiction, is giving Grosse Point a really
gross and bad name.
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

#10 Dec 29, 2013
1: What psycho family! Demanding an apology like you slighted them? Grow the eff up. Do they have kids? Is she being extradicted from everything family now? Idiots. I'd go to her MORE and brag about it now....

2: Fine until 20's then abusive? Ask what happened (if you don't know), apologize (if need be), then let her go. Even when she runs back.
You always think they'll be better then they burn you again.

3: Ha! No sympathy from me, pal.
Never understood why alcohol is legal and marijuana isn't. I hate what drunkenness is doing to our society...

4: GAH!!! No, ick, gross. You do not share your spit at family get-togethers. And I don't care if you use a dishwasher; some of us don't want to imagine a dog licking it. Not all of us french kiss our animals like some zealous animal lovers.

I would never eat there again and tell them politely when they asked (ignore the righteous indignation as if THEY have done nothing worthy of another disliking).

I can't even stand to see my uncle pick at food before it's time to eat. he dips in the dip and grabs bits of ham and smacks all the time, whilst the rest of us patiently wait to start serving. I think it's rude.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#11 Dec 29, 2013
cheluzal wrote:
I can't even stand to see my uncle pick at food before it's time to eat. he dips in the dip and grabs bits of ham and smacks all the time, whilst the rest of us patiently wait to start serving. I think it's rude.
I pick at the turkey before it's served, I double dip my chips and vegetables in the serving tray, I've tasted a couple spoonfuls of gravy right out of the bowl. Sometimes I get my hand smacked with a fork, but we all live and I'm invited back every time.

The LW has an empty seat on the hypochondriac bus and it's got your name on it.

And you refused to eat the bread when we had our lovely dinner because I "put my hands all over it" when I was slicing it!

But it was still a lovely time and thank you! And I licked your knife when you weren't looking!
;p
Kuuipo

Salinas, CA

#12 Dec 29, 2013
LW1: Tell your family members that you will hire whom you please to do your hair. If this irritates them, oh, well. This is so none of anyone else's business.

LW2: You have a difficult child. Could she be a wee bit bi-polar? She will come back around. Next time, try very hard not to react and to love her unconditionally.

LW3: You were involved? No, you were at fault, that's why everyone hates you. You have to turn your life around. Start by taking responsibility for what you did and resolving to never put yourself in that position again. Become drug and alcohol free. Take classes in prison and start a new life in a new place when you get out.

LW4: Bring your own dish and claim dietary restrictions.
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

#13 Dec 29, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
I pick at the turkey before it's served, I double dip my chips and vegetables in the serving tray, I've tasted a couple spoonfuls of gravy right out of the bowl. Sometimes I get my hand smacked with a fork, but we all live and I'm invited back every time.
The LW has an empty seat on the hypochondriac bus and it's got your name on it.
And you refused to eat the bread when we had our lovely dinner because I "put my hands all over it" when I was slicing it!
But it was still a lovely time and thank you! And I licked your knife when you weren't looking!
;p
This post just proves you have no respect for others.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#14 Dec 30, 2013
cheluzal wrote:
This post just proves you have no respect for others.
Not true. I just have no respect for other's germophobia ridiculousness

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#15 Dec 30, 2013
Must behave in a manor that respects hypochondriacs

Must behave in a manor that respects people with peanut allergies

Must behave in a manor that respects gays

Must behave, must behave, must behave

Now I can be thrown in jail for throwing a cigarette butt out the car window. And walking my dog without a long enough leash.

America! Imprisoning everyone who doesn't conform and think like us! Just what the fore fathers dreamed of!

Since: Feb 10

Location hidden

#16 Dec 30, 2013
I was involved in an accident... There is a void in my heart... How do i deal with the pain...
First, acknowledge that you killed them. YOU did something stupid and they died. Second, quit thinking about yourself and focus on helping others. Maybe write about what happened and the terrible cost of your bad choices in the hopes of serving as a warning to others.

Since: Feb 10

Location hidden

#17 Dec 30, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
Must behave in a manor that respects hypochondriacs
Must behave in a manor that respects people with peanut allergies
Must behave in a manor that respects gays
Must behave, must behave, must behave
Now I can be thrown in jail for throwing a cigarette butt out the car window. And walking my dog without a long enough leash.
America! Imprisoning everyone who doesn't conform and think like us! Just what the fore fathers dreamed of!
quit laying around the manor and start thinking about your manners instead!:-p

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#18 Dec 30, 2013
itser wrote:
quit laying around the manor and start thinking about your manners instead!:-p
Give me a break, I was busy minding my manors!

That's what I get for posting at 2 am after drowning my sorrows over the Bears

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