“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#1 Mar 25, 2014
DEAR AMY: I am a 29-year-old guy in an impossible situation. My mother, who is a career drinker, is a sane and logical person when not intoxicated. But she turns into the spawn of Satan when drinking.

She lives with her husband (not my father), who is a controlling, miserable, arrogant, racist person.

She has foster children. Sometimes he threatens to kick her out and sometimes he does. Luckily, most of the time when this happens, she can stay at a friend's place, but then she goes back to him.

My problem is that when he does kick her out for real she only has one place to go -- my place. The last time she lived with me she got me evicted.

I never drink. For the sake of the kids and my love for her I will let her stay with me.

My mom is an angel when not intoxicated. She is a good caregiver to the kids (when not intoxicated). As soon as the alcohol starts to flow, all of that disappears. What should I do -- suffer sleepless nights as she screams, yells and rants in the next room?-- Sleepless

DEAR SLEEPLESS: Any terrible, irresponsible and criminally negligent parent can claim, "I'm a really great parent when I'm not being abusive, terrifying and neglectful."

"She is a good caregiver (when not intoxicated)?" Not true. She is choosing to foster children in a household with a partner who is controlling, miserable and also unstable. That alone should give you a clue that she should not have responsibility for children. Ever.

The kids are in grave danger, physically and emotionally. Call child protective services or the police and report your mother and her husband. Being arrested could be the only thing that forces her toward sobriety.

Do not let your mother stay with you unless she has had successful addiction treatment. This safe harbor delays her confronting the horrible disease she has.

I hope you are brave enough to call a halt to this madness. You also need support and lots of TLC. You will find this through Al-anon meetings, but a professional counselor with experience in working with families of alcoholics in crisis would be best for you.

DEAR AMY: I have been in a relationship with this guy for three years, and I am always debating if he is lying to me. He cheated on me with his "ex" twice (no, sorry -- three times) and I still keep taking him back.

I always want to give this guy the benefit of the doubt because when we are together we are the best of friends. Recently he has been saying that he wants to marry me and he is building a house for us, but I have never seen anything in the ways of building plans, carpet samples or even paint chips.

I always ask him to prove things to me. I tell him he has tarnished my trust in him and if he would just prove something to me we can move on. Much to my dismay he has not proved a thing to me.

What do you think I should do?-- Crazy and Confused

DEAR CONFUSED: You asked this guy to prove something to you, and he has. He has proved that he is a consistent liar and a cheat. What more proof do you require?

At some point, a person's unwillingness to believe a clear and obvious proof starts making that person look pretty foolish.

You've already passed that point. It's time for you to move on, and let the (paint) chips fall where they may.

DEAR AMY: This is regarding the letter from "Mother" who complained that her "beautiful, professional daughter" who, when speaking, "uses the word 'like' about every fifth word."

Toastmasters International is a renowned, worldwide organization that trains people to become good public speakers.

During a novice speaker's first speech, a fellow Toastmaster is assigned to count the number of "ums" and "you know's" uttered. The speaker is almost always shocked to hear how many times they've interjected those nonsensical words into their delivery.-- Speaker

DEAR SPEAKER: I have been called on my use of "you know." And now I know.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Garden City, MI

#2 Mar 25, 2014
1- You have to go through extensive background checks to become a foster parent. The fact you don't drink at all tells me you have such an aversion to drinking that you're exaggerating your mother's habit. Stay out of her business

2- Sounds like you're being played.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#3 Mar 25, 2014
1 Your all over the place. First she's with her abusive husband, then a friends, then back to him, and now she is screaming in your spare bedroom? I think the lot of you are whacked.

2 He's building a house and you have not even seen it? How is that even possible? It's probably right next to that bridge you bought.

3 Um, like, nobody cares yanno?

“On Deck”

Since: Aug 08

French Polynesia

#4 Mar 25, 2014
L1. Yeah. It is not uncommon for alcoholics to have a Jekyl and Hyde personality.

“On Deck”

Since: Aug 08

French Polynesia

#5 Mar 25, 2014
I mean split personality.

Since: Mar 09

Hollywood, FL

#6 Mar 25, 2014
How are people this dumb? How???

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#7 Mar 25, 2014
LW1: Geez, I feel sorry for these foster kids. Do you best to help *them*, your mother is a lost cause, I'm afraid. And see what you can do to prevent her from getting more kids.

LW2: Of course he's proved something to you: that he's a lying liar who lies. Dump him yesterday.

LW3: Um, like, whatever.
Blunt Advice

Oakland, NJ

#8 Mar 25, 2014
1. As Amy said, let Child Services know your concerns. Sadly, there are many who see fostering as nothing but a paycheck.

2. Dump him. A liar is no true friend. Find someone honest.

3. Like, gag me with a spoon. This letter was like so totally written by a like sales dude. He's making out like he wants to like uh help, but he's like trying to convince us how totally betchin his company is. Fer shure like totally bogus.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#10 Mar 25, 2014
HA!
Blunt Advice wrote:
3. Like, gag me with a spoon. This letter was like so totally written by a like sales dude. He's making out like he wants to like uh help, but he's like trying to convince us how totally betchin his company is. Fer shure like totally bogus.
boundary painter

Waco, TX

#11 Mar 25, 2014
Teams Squishy and Blunt Advice for a triple crown tie.

Glance into the Future on LW1; When his mother was chased out again, he:

(a) took her to an alcohol rehab place, introducing her to a case worker
and let the chips fall where they might.
(b) called the police to report her S.O.
(c) let her cry on his shoulder, told her everything would be all right,
put on his "Super Son" cape and jumped through hoops to rescue her.
or
(d) other

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#12 Mar 25, 2014
Lw1: dumb

Lw2: dumber

Lw3: dumbest

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#13 Mar 25, 2014
1. Do an anonymous report to CPS. The kids are at risk from this behavior.

Don't enable her by letting her stay with you. She needs to fall far enough to find in her own heart what she will do.

You have permission to gather 800 numbers and resources for abused women and give those to her the next time.
Al-Anon is for the family and friends of drunks will be helpful for you.

2. Dear Clueless Doormat,

Leave. Now

Yours,
PElly

Since: Mar 09

Pittsburgh, PA

#14 Mar 25, 2014
RACE wrote:
.
3 Um, like, nobody cares yanno?
Dave Berg, Mad Magagzine's "Lighter Side Of...." cartoonist, did a take on this.

Guy is complaining to his friend, "Y'know what really annoys me? Y'know, when people have, y'know, verbal tics, y'know. Like, some people say 'Er,' y'know, and some people say, y'know,'Like,' y'know? That's really, y'know, annoying to listen to, y'know!"
And his friend yells, "I KNOW, I KNOW!"
Julie

Chicago, IL

#15 Mar 25, 2014
LW1: Those poor kids need to be removed from your drunk mother asap. SHAME on you for enabling her to mistreat them.
And she behaved so badly she got *you* evicted? Wow. You need counseling--Desperately--to stop constantly rolling over for this horrible, abusive drunk.

LW2: You are too dumb to live.
Pippa

Hancock, NY

#16 Mar 26, 2014
1: I suspect you don't drink because you grew up with your mom's drinking problem. I don't smoke for a similar reason - my parents' smoking problems. I rarely drink because there are number of alcoholics in my extended family and I saw my dad seriously drunk just once. It was not pretty. I suspect at least a certain percentage of kids in families with such addictions avoid them at all costs. So wake up and recognize what you've really known all along - that your mom is an alcohol addict. She should not be in charge of those kids and neither should her abusive husband. Do those foster kids a favor and call Child Protective Services. They need the security of a stable and loving environment. Your mom and her husband are not and can not provide that.

2: Dump him. I'd rather a guy did nothing and admitted it than to keep telling me he's doing this or that for me and there's no evidence that he is actually doing it because he isn't. The man is a liar just stringing you along. You are better off alone. You shouldn't need anyone else to tell you that.

3: Don't care.

“An Apple a day”

Since: Jun 08

nil carborundum illegitemi

#17 Mar 26, 2014
1. Can you spell enabler. Stop enabling your alcoholic mother and report her to the foster agency.

2. Another enabler. Get rid of this guy pronto and pretend you have ADD.

3. An advertisement for Toastmasters, how nice. Bah humbug!
Pippa

Hancock, NY

#18 Mar 27, 2014
Pippa wrote:
3: Don't care.
I've rethought this. I have to say that when I hear a professional person I'm not better acquainted with talk the way this lw describes her daughter's speech, I think less of that person's ability. It may very well hold her back professionally even if she really is brilliant and great at her job. On the other hand, I was just thinking about that tv detective (for the life of me, I can't think of his name at the moment - old age you know), who acted like a bumbling idiot. He wore a crumpled trench coat and drove an old car and always talked about his wife whom we never saw. Some of you will know who I mean - please remind me of his name. No, wait - it was Columbo! Anyway, everyone - especially the suspects - thought he was an idiot and they discounted him but he always solved the murder. Maybe this lw's daughter could use her speech pattern as a disguise to help her in her job. No one would suspect she's really a corporate spy or whatever. ;-)

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