“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#1 Dec 21, 2012
DEAR ABBY: My divorce from "Vince" will be final in a few weeks. We have two sons together and we communicate well. Since our breakup, my parents have continued their relationship with him. They say, "You divorced him, we didn't."

They have confirmed that he will be invited to all holiday events. I am so upset about it that I now want nothing to do with them. Vince has his own family who have unanimously removed me from their lives.

I'm hurt by my parents' actions. Am I wrong? And are my feelings normal?-- LOST MY PARENTS IN THE DIVORCE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR LOST: As the father of your children, Vince will always be a part of your life, so my advice is to accept it graciously. Because Vince had a good relationship with your parents, I can understand why they would extend an invitation to the father of their grandchildren. Whether he will choose to accept is the question. His family may have declared you persona non grata because in their eyes you divorced him.

That said, your feelings are your feelings. Rather than say they are "wrong," I would point out that they are unproductive at this point. As you move forward with your emotional life, I predict this will become less of an issue.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 50-year-old divorced man. I use an online dating service to meet women my age, but I'm extremely frustrated by the lack of courtesy.

Why is it so hard for a woman to simply write, "Thanks, but I'm not interested" after getting a note of inquiry? My photos are recent, I'm polite and I send thoughtful notes that show I have read their profiles carefully and think there's a chance we have something in common. I admit, I'm not the handsomest man, but I hold a master's degree and I am financially stable.

I have sent a dozen notes over the last few months, and not one woman has been polite enough to respond. Any thoughts?-- DATELESS IN DAYTON

DEAR DATELESS: Please don't let the lack of response make you quit putting yourself out there, because eventually you're going to find someone if you keep trying. You are an intelligent man, and I am sure you have much to offer some lucky woman.

However, I would delicately point out to you that by not responding to your notes these women are sending you a message. It is possible that because the "chemistry" is wrong, they do not wish to get into a dialogue.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 17-year-old girl and every time I meet people, they think I am 12. How do I look more my age? Please help me.-- HONEY IN GEORGIA

DEAR HONEY: A way to accomplish it would be to go to a department store and ask at the cosmetics counter about a demonstration makeover to achieve a more sophisticated look. While you're there, I'm sure a clothing salesperson would also be happy to accommodate you in finding items that girls your age are buying. A different hairstyle could also "update" your image if you are wearing it the way you did a few years ago.

P.S. While you may not think it now, later on you will regard your youthful appearance as an asset. Trust me on that!

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#2 Dec 21, 2012
1 You slept around on him and destroyed your marriage and you wonder why people arent siding with you?

2 Oh, give me a break! The non-reply is standard "Thanks but no thanks". I been on both ends, its just easier. I have had chicks try to keep chatting and it really is annoying. Get over it dude. Oh, and chicks dont dig "financially stable" Buy a boat and say you like to cruise to new places.

3 DEAR ABBY: I'm a 17-year-old girl and bla bla bla bla bla bla....

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#3 Dec 21, 2012
1- I think your family should be more respectful of your feelings.

2- Oh wah. WAH WAH WAH!

3- Date a perv!

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#4 Dec 21, 2012
LW1: I don't really see why your parents need to invite him to functions. I wonder if the LW did something inappropriate in the marriage to cause her parents to do this.

LW2: Wow, you really know how to sell yourself! I'm impressed.

You sound really boring and whiny. Boring, whiny, unattractive, isn't a very good combination. That's your problem.

You can't do much about your looks and most women are looking for more than just a boring man who is financially stable. Maybe you should try to show a little bit of personality in your profile. It is good to be courteous, when contacting women too, but you should also try to show some personality then too. Try to stand out from the herd.

Also, if they aren't interested, they aren't interested. Sending an email expressly stating that you aren't interested in a complete stranger is uncomfortable for most folks. Would it REALLY make you feel better if they said they aren't attracted to you or gave you some b.s.

LW3: Have fun with it. My wife gets it all the time. We find it funny. I jokingly refer to her as lil Bambi sometimes.

You'll think that is not such a bad thing when you are older too.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#5 Dec 21, 2012
LW1: It does seem weird that they've insisted on inviting him this first christmas after the divorce. I could see next year, after you've had some time to move on.

You say you communicate well with the ex, why can't you ask him not to come. Or maybe he'll figure out on his own that this would be a really uncomfortable situation for both of you and decline their offer.

LW2: Not intelligent enough to figure out that the problem might be YOU. Maybe don't try so hard so that when it doesn't go as well as you'd planned, you aren't so upset. You poor delicate flower.

LW3: Stop shopping in the Juniors section. Makeup is just going to make you look like, in edog's favorite term, a wh0re.

Oh, and acting older might help too.
Sam I Am

Knoxville, TN

#6 Dec 21, 2012
1. Your parents are out of line. Vince can see your child throughout the year. If he's to be invited it is the LW's invitation to extend.

2. For an intelligent guy, you sure are stupid. First, girls get about 10 times the inquiries that guys get. Second, you don't owe someone you haven't met anything. Courtesy is nice, but you are owed nothing. Third, from your description or your "notes," I am guessing that the RED ALERT meter gets brighter and brighter the more they read. Tone it down. You don't have to demonstrate that you "read their profiles carefully."

3. Read the Wall Street Journal and smoke Pall Malls and sit around reading Better Homes & Gardens.
PEllen

Chicago, IL

#7 Dec 21, 2012
LW2. I am kind of not surprised you are divorced.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#8 Dec 21, 2012
L1: I know someone whose parents did this. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Allegience should be to family.(Maybe under some extreme situations I could see this -- but generally, no.) The inlaws should always be pleasant to the ex and don't say anything negative but don't invite him over! It's the divorcing couple's battle.

L2: For starters, by complaining about this shows you aren't to people-smart. The LW sounds like a sad, creepy creature.

L3: What Abby said.

“It made sense at the time....”

Since: May 09

Schaumburg, IL

#9 Dec 21, 2012
Toj wrote:
L1: I know someone whose parents did this. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Allegience should be to family.(Maybe under some extreme situations I could see this -- but generally, no.) The inlaws should always be pleasant to the ex and don't say anything negative but don't invite him over! It's the divorcing couple's battle.
L2: For starters, by complaining about this shows you aren't to people-smart. The LW sounds like a sad, creepy creature.
L3: What Abby said.
i know of someone who's family "divorced" their daughter when she got divorced! the ex-husband is a friend of hubby's from teh service (so way back when), and she did a number on him... her family was sooo pissed about what she did and what kind of a person she turned into, that they cut her off after the divorce was final. i think her family still sends him christmas cards...
Julie

Chicago, IL

#10 Dec 21, 2012
LW2: Dude. The women haven't responded because you sound like a whiny creep.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#11 Dec 21, 2012
Aisle Sitter wrote:
<quoted text>
i know of someone who's family "divorced" their daughter when she got divorced! the ex-husband is a friend of hubby's from teh service (so way back when), and she did a number on him... her family was sooo pissed about what she did and what kind of a person she turned into, that they cut her off after the divorce was final. i think her family still sends him christmas cards...
I would fit that into an extreme situation where I could understand.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#12 Dec 21, 2012
He is financially stable!!! and his pictures are recent. What more to you women want? He reads the profile, he answers their questions....charlten heston he aint, but cmone, give the dude a break.

Whats a dude to do?
Julie wrote:
LW2: Dude. The women haven't responded because you sound like a whiny creep.

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