Dear Abby 12-22-2013

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#1 Dec 22, 2013
DEAR ABBY: I'm 50 and my boyfriend, "Ray," is 55. We have been together for 11 years. He's divorced with two children. I am single and childless. We owned our own homes until a year ago, when we sold them and bought a house together. We each pay half the bills including the mortgage. We love each other, get along great, have similar values and can't imagine not being together.

My problem is I want to get married. Ray does, too, but his 20-year-old daughter isn't ready for it yet. She and I get along fine, but she gets very stressed and cries when the topic is mentioned. I told Ray I think she has learned from her childhood that crying enables her to get her way. But Ray insists she has anxiety issues, and he's afraid she will hurt herself if we get married. I say we should just do it and hope that, eventually, she accepts it.

Counseling is out of the question for her. She won't go. Ray and I did go for advice about this. The counselor agreed that his daughter needs counseling, but we can't "make" her go. My question is, is Ray ever going to marry me? Any suggestions on what we should do?-- CONFUSED IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR CONFUSED: If Ray waits for his daughter's blessing, it may take another 11 years for her to give it -- if she ever does. You and Ray should get more counseling to help him find the strength to stop allowing his troubled daughter to rule his life.

DEAR ABBY: My hog-mouth husband and I are having an ongoing disagreement about food. When there is special food in the house, something we both like, he feels free to eat as much of it as he wants without leaving any for me. His argument is that if it's around for several days -- even if it's frozen -- I have had "plenty of time to get my share." I feel it shouldn't be up to him to tell me how much to eat, and when.

He weighs almost twice as much as I do, and eats accordingly. It's particularly upsetting if I have invested hours in the preparation of a dish, only to find it's gone when I want my second helping. I think he is being inconsiderate at best. Am I wrong?-- WHERE'S MY BEEF?!

DEAR "WHERE'S": I don't think so. Your husband is behaving like a selfish child. If you have been cooking in large quantities, try preparing only enough for two portions for a while -- a long while.

DEAR ABBY: My 30-year-old niece passed away, leaving a 7-year-old daughter. Her grieving husband found a married woman two months later. She divorced her second husband, and now all three of them are living together.

Abby, the little girl is not allowed to tell anyone that her mommy died and has to tell all her friends that her father's new girlfriend is her mom. Is it right to keep her from talking about her mommy?-- MARIA FROM TEXAS

DEAR MARIA: Of course not! While the father and his girlfriend might wish to erase the child's mother from her memory, she is old enough to always remember not only that her mother died, but also that her father and this woman want to bury the fact that she ever existed. That child needs to talk about her mother, and to forbid it will cause problems when she is older. Count on it.

DEAR ABBY: I work with several women who are Hispanic. They are all very nice and I love working with them. The problem is when they are together they speak Spanish. I do not understand a word they say, so I am left out of the conversation. How can I let them know how rude I think this is?-- LEFT OUT IN TEXAS

DEAR LEFT OUT: Say it in English, and if they are as nice as you say they are, they will make an effort to include you.

Plant City, FL

#2 Dec 22, 2013
1: I'll make it easy: no, Ray will never marry you. He's married to his needy daughter instead.

2: Rude, no wonder he's a fat hog. Gross.
A gentleman would leave the last morsel for his lady.

3: What?!?! Unacceptable! He surely has parents and in-laws to need to stage an intervention. Keep mom "aive" and that girl will leave dad as soon as possible, trust.

4: I'm biased here. I hear so much Spanish everywhere it annoys me in unhealthy ways. I only hear it spoken quickly and very loud, so the entire beauty of the language has been forever ruined for me.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#3 Dec 22, 2013
L1: If he is letting his 20 year old daughter influence him this way, he will never marry you. Too bad you attached yourself legally and financially to him.

L2: Portion out some for your second helping, label it, get him to agree to leave it alone if he can have the rest. I figure, you get a couple of days to eat leftovers before they become fair game.

L3: WOW. That poor little girl! And shame on those two adults for doing that to her! She is going to be a wreck. I feel so bad for her.

L4: I think they are being rude, but I don't know that there's anything you can do.

Salinas, CA

#4 Dec 22, 2013
LW1: Tell Ray that you will marry him at the courthouse and not tell his daughter that you are married until she is "ready". His response will tell you if he is using his daughter as an excuse to not remarry or if he truly is catering to his nutcase daughter.

LW2: Yes, he's rude, but there's really no point in continuing to argue with him about this. He is unlikely to change his ways.

LW3: That's a horrifying way of blending a family. I am sure that the 7-year-old clearly remembers her mother.

LW4: This would be great for me, because I am still learning Spanish and would love to have more opportunities to practice. Anyway, the women are not deliberately being rude, they are speaking in the language that is most comfortable for them. Join the conversation by addressing them in English and they will respond.

Plant City, FL

#5 Dec 22, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
L1: If he is letting his 20 year old daughter influence him this way, he will never marry you. Too bad you attached yourself legally and financially to him.
For 11 frakking years!!!!

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#6 Dec 22, 2013
LW1: "My question is, is Ray ever going to marry me?"
Because Amby knows more about Ray from reading this letter than you do from being in a relationship with him, she should definitely have n nswer.

LW2: He's being inconsiderate, but you're not helping matters. It sounds like he would put on the brakes if you said "hey, greedy, I want some of item X. Don't eat it all. Save some for me." But you're too good for that. You expect him to just know or ask permission first. I don't see hat happening. So keep complaining. That seems to be working splendidly.

Side note: I bought a box of candy bars a few weeks ago. Had one. 2 days later the box was gone! WTF?!? Obviously, the wife and kids. Then my wif came home with some holiday candy. The Chocolate covered cherries. She had a bunch ad there were few left in the box. When I found it in the freezer. So I had he rest. Left a little note pretty much saying "HAH! My turn!"

Next day I was in the kitchen when she took the empty box outta the freezer and saw the emptiness and note. I laughed my ass off and did a little dance.

LW3: that's f'd up.

LW4: If they are not talking to you, then its nunya.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#7 Dec 22, 2013
1- Yeah, geez, what Abby said, screw that whiny btch

2- Now come on, if a dude had written in calling his wife a big-mouth and complaining she was twice his size, what would be the response?

But I agree with Red, portion some out, and after a few days, eat it or lose it, honey.

3- Surprised you know all this. But tell your niece's daughter to tell the truth

4- Learn Spanish. Until then, whenever they laugh, laugh too. It confuses them

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#8 Dec 22, 2013
Tonka: HA! Good for you for eating them.

Edog: yeah, how long should leftovers sit?

Chicago, IL

#9 Dec 25, 2013
LW1: Your boyfriend has no intention of marrying you, and he's using his nutty adult daughter as an excuse. Geez, lady, how dumb ARE you?

LW2: Your husband is a selfish pig. Buy a small dorm-size fridge for yourself and put a lock on it.

LW3: That poor little girl. Her father and his girlfriend are behaving abominably, and are going to cause that child to have severe problems.

Atwood, TN

#10 Dec 25, 2013
get a blow up doll.

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

#11 Dec 26, 2013
LW3... I wonder how the mother died... Sonds like Dad and new wife migh have had something to do with it. That is awfully evil and suspicious behavior, not allowing a little girl to remember or talk about her deceased mother. It's very cruel and damagaing. And very creepy...

Tell me when this thread is updated:

Subscribe Now Add to my Tracker

Add your comments below

Characters left: 4000

Please note by submitting this form you acknowledge that you have read the Terms of Service and the comment you are posting is in compliance with such terms. Be polite. Inappropriate posts may be removed by the moderator. Send us your feedback.

Chicago Discussions

Title Updated Last By Comments
News Barack Obama, our next President (Nov '08) 42 min John Galt 1,348,786
News BARACK OBAMA BIRTH CERTIFICATE: Suit contesting... (Jan '09) 56 min Dr Guru 207,745
Topix Chitown Regulars (Aug '09) 3 hr PEllen 101,442
{keep A word drop A word} (Oct '11) 3 hr PEllen 7,341
Word (Dec '08) 3 hr PEllen 5,659
last post wins! (Apr '13) 5 hr They cannot kill ... 624
last post wins! (Dec '10) 5 hr They cannot kill ... 1,604
More from around the web

Personal Finance

Chicago Mortgages