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“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#42 Aug 14, 2013
RACE wrote:
And what about my suggestion that they camped in the park were the memorial service was being held? They had time to check into that.
I still say the friends are asshats and the LW should indeed dumpt them.
<quoted text>
And I'll remind you their husbands are coworkers and they go out to dinner a few times a year. I agree that yeah, they probably should have made an effort to go... BUT... "Gee, honey, we already have that reservation at Sequoia National Park that Saturday. Send them our condolences, we'll treat them to dinner next time."

To call them asshats and should be dumped as occasional dinner guests IS a bit much, considering the relationship.

And another thought that popped into mind during all this: suppose they WERE "dumped" as "friends?" Do you think they would even notice?

Amy's suggestion, which you agreed with, to be told "We're not joining you at the annual Fryers Club fish fry because you went camping instead of showing up at Jr's memorial service back in May," would actually make the lw's seem like the asshats.

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#43 Aug 14, 2013
Husband's sisters (2 of them) requested (with like a month's notice) that he fly internationally just to attend their weddings. He had to decline. Even if money for international travel hadn't been an issue (it was) he had no time to renew his passport. Yeah, I was real broken up over that.

LAST MINUTE international travel? I don't think so. When you choose to relocate 6000 miles away from home you have to accept that you just can't be there for every single milestone that happens.

Now a funeral, especially his parents, I think he would find a way to go. He'll be a US citizen later this year and will have a US passport, so he'll be good for 10 years (Morocco limits them to five years at a time) and if something happens and he doesn't have the cash the people at his Mosque will have him covered.

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#44 Aug 14, 2013
Tonka, yeah I figure no one owes me anything. Even if I do a favor for someone, I do it freely, without obligation. I rarely ask for favors. Even if I do I figure no one will come through for me anyway, so there's really no point in asking. <shrug>

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#45 Aug 14, 2013
Mimi Seattle wrote:
Tonka, yeah I figure no one owes me anything. Even if I do a favor for someone, I do it freely, without obligation. I rarely ask for favors. Even if I do I figure no one will come through for me anyway, so there's really no point in asking. <shrug>
This is where we part ways. I have no problem asking for a favor. But I make sure to phrase it in such a way that its clear that I am considering your time to be valuable and that its ok if you can't do the favor.

“It made sense at the time....”

Since: May 09

Des Plaines, IL

#46 Aug 14, 2013
Mimi Seattle wrote:
<quoted text>
Wedding.
However in both of your scenarios. I think skipping is justified especially if you declined the wedding to begin with and not accept and then turn it down when tickets came through. Son's birthday over former co-worker's funeral, definitely.
Air travel for grandparents? Maybe. Three grandparents requiring air travel x's 2 at minimum...yeah, that's a lot. Maybe if it was only me going to mine and him going to his...
my brother spent $3k for his last minute ticket home from munich for our gramma's funeral. he was here about 24 hours. had he stayed another day, the ticket would have gone down about $1k. i was for putting the funeral off another week so that it would be easier for him to plan the trip & avoid the last second charges. it was just him travelling, which makes a difference. my cousins all came (including one who had a 2 hr bus ride to the airport). one does what one can in that situation...
pde

Gilberts, IL

#47 Aug 14, 2013
RACE wrote:
I agree, there is a disparity between how each couple views the other. But why did the other couple continue to try and hang with them after the service? Are they really that clueless as to why they are suddenly being blown off?
<quoted text>
All I see there is the other couple trying to continue the relationship on the same level they always thought the relationship existed on.

I suspect that if they figure out why they are being blown off, their reaction is going to be something along the lines of a shrug. Most couples don't only have one other couple they hang out with causally. Losing one because they have unrealistic expectations of the relationship is often not really a long-term loss.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#48 Aug 14, 2013
Im sorry, I dont hear the words "camping trip" in any of this.
Air travel, previous obligation to a childs b'day party, previously purchased concert tickets?

Did you blow off the wedding the day before because you got the concert tickets?? I dont think so.

Did you plan the b'day party just so you could avoid the memorial service?? I dont dint so.

Your analogy's are not over money, they are over plans that you had already made that conflicted with the a later request for your presence.

But yeah to choose RUSH over your co-workers memorial service for his kid is a crappy thing to do.
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>What would be easier for you to blow off over money? A wedding or a funeral? I skipped my cousin's wedding because I had concert tickets. I just in the past month skipped the funeral of an old co-worker because we already had my son's birthday party scheduled for that day.
And as for funerals, how far does your assumed obligation extend? I drove to Miami for my aunt's funeral and the tamp for my wife's uncle's funeral. But between the 2 of us, we have had 3 grandparents die and did not attend any of the funerals as they would have required air travel.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#49 Aug 14, 2013
RACE wrote:
Im sorry, I dont hear the words "camping trip" in any of this.
I've moved beyond the letter. Just picking your brain.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#50 Aug 14, 2013
RACE wrote:
But yeah to choose RUSH over your co-workers memorial service for his kid is a crappy thing to do.
<quoted text>
Hah. I would pull a last minute no show at my cousin's wedding if I came into some Pearl jam tickets.

Speaking of Rush...
http://sports.yahoo.com/blogs/mlb-big-league-...

Geddy Lee's a few seats to the right.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#51 Aug 15, 2013
How the heck can you tell?
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>Hah. I would pull a last minute no show at my cousin's wedding if I came into some Pearl jam tickets.
Speaking of Rush...
http://sports.yahoo.com/blogs/mlb-big-league-...
Geddy Lee's a few seats to the right.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#52 Aug 15, 2013
OK, Just put everything back where you found it.
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>I've moved beyond the letter. Just picking your brain.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#53 Aug 15, 2013
RACE wrote:
How the heck can you tell?
<quoted text>
says so in the article.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#54 Aug 15, 2013
Oh, sorry, did not read that far.
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>says so in the article.

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