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“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#1
Mar 27, 2013
 
DEAR AMY: As a smoker, I am waving my white flag of surrender.

I like to think that I am a “classy” smoker, the kind who sits on patio furniture with her cappuccino and lights a cigarette sitting in peace. And while most of the time I am, there are also times when I’ve had such a rough day that I go for a walk and light up on the sidewalk.


My boyfriend has expressed his disgust for the habit and while I completely agree with its foulness, I don’t believe that it is a vice that I need to give up entirely. I only smoke three cigarettes a week, and while I am aware of the health risks, I would like to quit on my own and for my own reasons.

My question to you, Amy, is how do I gently tell him to be patient with me and quit the interrogations?-- The New Minority

DEAR MINORITY: You don’t say what “interrogations” are taking place, but my (limited) knowledge of interrogations is that when the subject (you in this scenario) answers a question truthfully, the interrogation is supposed to stop. And — in the movies, anyway — the person being interrogated is sometimes offered a cigarette afterward.

So if your boyfriend says,“Have you been smoking?” You say,“Yes, honey.” If he responds by telling you he wants you to quit this foul habit, you can reply,“I know you want me to quit.”

The real lesson here is for your boyfriend. He cannot control what you do, even if he doesn’t like it. If you being a smoker (“classy” or otherwise) is a relationship deal-breaker for him, then he’ll have to communicate that to you. Then you’ll have a choice to make.

DEAR AMY: My boyfriend recently broke up with me because he said we “want different things.” I asked to meet him two weeks later to discuss some medical issues I was having. When we met, he told me he made a huge mistake in breaking up with me.

While we were a couple, we had planned four different times to move in together and every time, he backed out. My heart and my head are at war over the situation. He claims he’s ready to have an adult relationship with me, but I’m afraid he will just let me down again.

Should I take another chance along with couples counseling, or should I leave the one I love?-- Torn and Confused

DEAR TORN: I see this as a science experiment. You take the same elements (You plus Him) and combine them and add a reactant (live-in commitment). You do this experiment four times and each time you get the same result: One of the elements (Him) vaporizes. How many times do you need to experience this outcome in order to believe it?

So yes, you do want different things. You want a live-in commitment, and he wants to miss you from afar.

If your guy wants to change the outcome, he’ll have to provide the proof. If he wants to be with you, he can find a counselor, set up an appointment and ask you to join him. Unless this happens, I suggest you adopt a skeptical outlook.

DEAR AMY: I am replying to “Disgusted” who disagreed when you said a 16-year-old who did not consent to sex with a 19-year-old (but didn’t yell or fight) was raped.

People think if the female doesn’t fight it isn’t rape. If I go to someone’s house and they take my purse and jewelry, isn’t that theft, even if I am scared and don’t fight back? If someone walks up to me in a parking lot and takes my purse, isn’t it theft, even if I don’t fight? If someone jumps into my car and takes off while I am loading groceries, isn’t it still robbery?-- Marsha

DEAR MARSHA: You have very efficiently described the issue, and I appreciate it. This 16-year-old wanted to have a relationship with the 19-year-old, but she did not give her consent to have sex.

Since: Jan 10

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#2
Mar 27, 2013
 

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L1: I've never smoked a cig and wouldn't date a smoker, but it's legal and smokers sure pay a hell of a lot of taxes for their vice. Tell your boyfriend in no uncertain terms that if he's going to date someone who has only three cigs a week (sounds like my mom), he needs to shut the hell up about it. What a jerk. I highly doubt that most doctors would raise an eyebrow at three cigs a week.

GOod answer from Amy. now if she could only adopt a similar attitude toward alcohol consumption.

L2: Stay broken up for good. He WANTS to want to live with you, he WANTS to want more, but he doesn't want it.

L3: Oh shut up already.

Since: Jan 10

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#3
Mar 27, 2013
 
And the girl did NOT say she wanted a relationship with the guy.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#4
Mar 27, 2013
 
LW1: If you mean enough to him, then he will be patient. However, if this smoking is a big enough issue for him, he may be out of patience. Just like he can't hurry you up, you can't force him to stick it out.

LW2: "Should I take another chance along with couples counseling, or should I leave the one I love?
You should ask YOURSELF that question, not some stupid hack with no answers.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

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#5
Mar 27, 2013
 
L1: Don't want to date a smoker? Then don't date smokers. Boyfriend is an ass.

L2: Run away.

L3: Okay, but if I put my stuff on the curb, and somebody comes and takes it, I don't have a right to say it was "stolen" later on.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#6
Mar 27, 2013
 
L1: Why are you waving that flag? Continue to do as you're doing. Ignore. Change the subject.

L2: Why can't you see what is in front of your face?

L3: I'm going to ignore this one. Practice what I preach in L1.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

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#7
Mar 27, 2013
 

Judged:

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LW1: Three cigs a week is nothing. The boyfriend needs to back off.

And the only "classy" smoker I've ever seen was a very young Lauren Bacall.

LW2: I would let him do all the heavy lifting if he wants you back so bad. If he doesn't, then I think you have your answer.

LW3: Could you steal this rehash?

“Licensed to Ill”

Since: Aug 08

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#8
Mar 27, 2013
 
LW1: Not sure why the moron would date a smoker if he doesn't like smokers and is going to badger her about it.

LW2: He's commitment adverse. Stay broken up.

LW3: Dumb

“FD&S is no way to be.”

Since: Feb 13

Huntingdon, TN

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#9
Mar 27, 2013
 

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1. This is just too easy. "I am going to smoke occasionally. I might stop at some point, I might not. That's how it's going to be, an if that is not acceptable then unfortunately I am not the gal for you."

2. Your guy is one foot in, one foot out. He is waiting for the next best thing to come along. This last time, he thought he had a chance with someone else, it didn't pan out, so he's come back to you. Find some self-respect and ditch the clown.

3. If a dum dum writes a letter and I don't finish reading it, is it still annoying?

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#10
Mar 27, 2013
 
1 3x a week? Tell him to bite you.

2 Idiot stuff, dont care.

3 So rape can not be equated with stealing a bag of groceries? If a guy had said this....

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

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#11
Mar 27, 2013
 
1- He's got smoke up his @zz over three cigarettes a week? Tell him to suck it. Then inhale. And blow.

2- Whatever.

3- Ya know, this struck me the other day: we won't let our teenagers ride in a car with their friends, we won't let them go to the movies without an escort, we make sure a cell phone is attached to their hips at all times, we won't even let them go to school without police guard... but we encourage them to have sex with wild abandon...

“It made sense at the time....”

Since: May 09

Schaumburg, IL

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#12
Mar 27, 2013
 
LW2 - it's approaching that definition of insanity - doing the same thing over & over expecting different results each time. DTMFA for good.

Since: Jan 10

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#13
Mar 27, 2013
 

Judged:

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"but we encourage them to have sex with wild abandon... "

Someone has a disconnect with reality.
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

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#14
Mar 27, 2013
 
LW1: If you can smoke only 3 cigarettes a week, you can smoke 0 cigarettes a week. You don't need this habit. Find a better way to relax, save your health, and give the boyfriend one less thing to whine about.

LW2: What Sam said. You are Old Dependable Girl. You cannot turn this frog into a prince. Make a clean break or at least start seeing other guys.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#15
Mar 27, 2013
 
Kuuipo wrote:
LW1: If you can smoke only 3 cigarettes a week, you can smoke 0 cigarettes a week. You don't need this habit. Find a better way to relax, save your health, and give the boyfriend one less thing to whine about.
LW2: What Sam said. You are Old Dependable Girl. You cannot turn this frog into a prince. Make a clean break or at least start seeing other guys.
Intellectually I agree with you on L1. But if he's whining about 3 cigs in one week then he's probably a big time whiner or PITA. The fact that he would complain to me would make me dig in my heels even more. Not saying that's the right or mature way, just that I would.
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

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#16
Mar 27, 2013
 
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
Intellectually I agree with you on L1. But if he's whining about 3 cigs in one week then he's probably a big time whiner or PITA. The fact that he would complain to me would make me dig in my heels even more. Not saying that's the right or mature way, just that I would.
Yeah, I'm thinking he is a whiner, too. But who knows, maybe he is just a militant non-smoker. Whatever the case, LW should quit altogether and she knows it. If she quits and he finds other things to whine about, then she can quit him, too.

“FD&S is no way to be.”

Since: Feb 13

Huntingdon, TN

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#17
Mar 27, 2013
 
edogxxx wrote:
1- He's got smoke up his @zz over three cigarettes a week? Tell him to suck it. Then inhale. And blow.
You forgot to call him a damn liberal. You're slipping.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

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#18
Mar 27, 2013
 

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RedheadwGlasses wrote:
"but we encourage them to have sex with wild abandon... "
Someone has a disconnect with reality.
The age of consent is getting lower and lower in almost every state and there's a push to get it even lower. Abstinence is discouraged in sex education, there's no stigma with teen pregnancies anymore, and people are applauding that as progress. Even Victoria Secret came out with a lingerie line targeted to tweens. And just last week the mothers on here were talking about letting their children play with themselves and even show them how to do it correctly.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

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#19
Mar 27, 2013
 
Sam I Am GEAM wrote:
You forgot to call him a damn liberal. You're slipping.
That's a given. I saw no reason to call attention to it. Stupid liberal.

“FD&S is no way to be.”

Since: Feb 13

Huntingdon, TN

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#20
Mar 27, 2013
 
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
That's a given. I saw no reason to call attention to it. Stupid liberal.
So you won't be calling attentino to that again in the future? Lovely.

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