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“Not a real reg”

Since: Jan 13

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#1
May 27, 2013
 
DEAR READERS: To all of you who are observing Memorial Day with me, please join in reflecting for a moment on those members of our armed forces who have sacrificed their lives in service to our country. Bless their spirits, and may they live forever in our hearts.

DEAR ABBY: My wife revealed on my 60th birthday two days ago that she has $10,000 in cash hidden in our house. She said she secretly took the money from my pay and consulting checks and hid it when we were going through a bad period in our marriage 10 years ago and nearly divorced.

I told her there is no rational reason for keeping that much money in the house. She says she's keeping it for an emergency, and it makes her feel secure. When I said we should invest the money, she got upset.

I can't understand why anyone would want to keep that much cash in the house. What's your view?-- LIVING IN "FORT KNOX"

DEAR LIVING: To understand your wife's motivation, look back 10 years to the time when she may have felt she'd need the money to get a new start. That's the "emergency" the money was salted away for.

I agree that $10,000 is a lot of cash to keep in the house. Most of it should be in the bank, with only a portion in the house so it will be immediately available if needed. Unless your wife feels your marriage is still shaky, I can't see why she wouldn't compromise. Could that be her reason?

DEAR ABBY: I am a 15-year-old girl with a good life. There are bumps in the road, but they happen and I accept that. The thing I worry about is my me-maw. She's getting very old and thinks she will be dying soon.
I try to tell her not to think that way. I really love her and don't know what I would do if she were gone so soon. I go to her house every summer, winter, and anytime we're out of school.

I need to get a job this summer, and I don't know how to tell my me-maw I won't be coming to visit without hurting her feelings. She is one of those people who don't show their emotions like most of my family, so I know when she sometimes says it's OK it really isn't. Please tell me what to say to her.-- CONCERNED GRANDCHILD IN ALABAMA

DEAR CONCERNED GRANDCHILD: You are sweet, thoughtful and sensitive, but you are also growing up. Your grandmother may be talking the way she is because of her age -- or she may be concerned about her health and trying to prepare you.

It's time to ask your parents what is going on with her. If she's really sick, you may want to postpone getting that job until next summer. If she's not, you should explain to Me-maw that you love her and treasure the special times you have been able to spend with her -- but as much as you'd like to, you will not be able to do it this summer because you need to get a job. It's part of becoming an adult and will help you to learn responsibility and independence. As a loving grandparent, she knows how important that is for you.

DEAR ABBY: I am a hairdresser, and one of my clients who considers herself to be my good friend handed me a birthday card. Stuck on the envelope was a sticky note with my name written on it, covering whatever name was underneath. On the card, under "Happy Birthday" was her signature -- again on a sticky note. She said she thought the card was funny and too good not to use again, so I should pass it on, too.

I am hurt and insulted. Am I taking this too seriously? I want my own birthday card!-- SHOCKED IN FLORIDA

DEAR SHOCKED: Your client was trying to be thoughtful, or she wouldn't have remembered it was your birthday. Be grateful for what you got. She didn't mean to insult you -- in a weird way she was trying to do you a favor.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

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#2
May 27, 2013
 

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1. Investments go up and down. Cash is diminished by inflation which has not been a major issue for many years.
2. Investments sound like something you control- she wants control over that money in case she needs to leave.
3. If she puts it in a bank even a savings account makes a little interest which results in a 1099 which results in you knowing abut it Purpose defeated from her standpoint.
4. Cash is by definition liquid. Take a page from those people who think society is going t end and have laid in dried food, water bifurcation tablets and weapons- some cash in smaller denominations gives you an advantage if the grid goes down and AM's and credit cards don't work.
5. Having an escape hatch gives yo lots of confidence to push back for things that are important. It is entirely possible your marriage improved because she had the stash.

Show your love- Buy her two fireproof boxes to keep it in and leave her alone.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

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#3
May 27, 2013
 
remind me not to trust automatic spell check correction
water purification
ATM's

“On Deck”

Since: Aug 08

French Polynesia

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#4
May 27, 2013
 

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That's right, Pellen. Investing ia a form of gambling which carries the potential for total loss. Markets have been known to crash in a cyclical fashion. So don't invest anything you can't afford to lose.
And don't let Abby brainwash you into thinking that having banksters play with your money is a good idea. Cut those white-collar criminals out of the loop once and for all and keep your money stashed at home and do not tell anyone about it.
Cass

Upland, CA

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#5
May 27, 2013
 

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LW1 - That is why I think it is very important for both people in a marriage to have their own jobs and their own independent income.

LW2 - Your grandmother IS going to die one day. It's lovely that you love your grandma so much, but you seem to be overly attuned to guilt-tripping and may even be guilt-tripping yourself when nobody else is trying to. Get a job. Tell your grandmother. Call her often while you work.

LW3 - Your client is cheap. If she thought the card was so good, she could have found another one just like it. Surely, stores carry more than one of them. Don't feel insulted though. The way you are writing about this person, she is not really your friend - she just thinks she is one.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

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#6
May 27, 2013
 

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1- Yeah, I have a friend who didn't believe in banks and had ten grand in her home. Then she got robbed. Lost it all. And what if your house catches fire? Put that money in a bank.

2- What the hell is a "me-maw??" Dam rednecks.

3- That's beyond tacky. But it's the thought that counts.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

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#7
May 27, 2013
 

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PEllen wrote:
2. Investments sound like something you control-
She took the money from HIS paycheck. He didn't notice? Sounds like SHE was the one controlling the money and investments.

And it sounds like you're encouraging her to keep that stash in case she eventually decides to leave? Can't agree with that, that's paramount to theft IMO. If they divorce, she'll get her share, no need to steal it.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

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#8
May 27, 2013
 

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Your response is neither clueless nor nuts, but I disagree with it.

If funds were all"their" money" she has just as much right to it as he does: its not tatamount to theft .

If you are going to leave a partner you need bus fare to get away and some cash up front to hire the lawyer and eat while it all works out.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

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#9
May 27, 2013
 

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PEllen wrote:
If funds were all"their" money" she has just as much right to it as he does:
Exactly, so why suggest SHE is the one entitled to it? It's just as much his. And one doesn't need 10K for bus fair, a retainer on an attorney, and food.
Begorrah

Nashville, TN

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#10
May 27, 2013
 

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LW1- And if it had been the husband who had hidden away the monies his wife had earned and refused to return them even after confessing to the deed and the wife had wanted to invest them in something for both their benefits, would anyone here consider that the original monies in question was actually 'their' money and he had JUST as much 'right' to it as she does because he'd have needed it for lawyers, etc. when their marriage had gone bad and he wanted an exit? Somehow, I have my doubts.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

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#11
May 27, 2013
 

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Begorrah wrote:
LW1- And if it had been the husband who had hidden away the monies his wife had earned and refused to return them even after confessing to the deed and the wife had wanted to invest them in something for both their benefits, would anyone here consider that the original monies in question was actually 'their' money and he had JUST as much 'right' to it as she does because he'd have needed it for lawyers, etc. when their marriage had gone bad and he wanted an exit? Somehow, I have my doubts.
If she were the single or primary wage earner, The answer is yes. It is their money and if one of them puts some aside "in teh cookie" against contingencies, you can't criticize. It sounds like hubby was bread winner and LW got an allowance or had primary responsibility for household accounts . If she had bought $10G worth of stuff at Nieman Marcus or he spent it on rstoring a vintage Jag would you say the same?

We will never know though, will we?

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

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#12
May 27, 2013
 

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PEllen wrote:
It sounds like hubby was bread winner and LW got an allowance or had primary responsibility for household accounts .
"she secretly took the money from my pay and consulting checks and hid it"

If it was the dude, didn't he just commit fraud?
Begorrah

Nashville, TN

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#13
May 28, 2013
 

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PEllen wrote:
<quoted text> If she were the single or primary wage earner, The answer is yes. It is their money and if one of them puts some aside "in teh cookie" against contingencies, you can't criticize.
But he said she 'took the money' outright not set some aside from what he'd given her so that was theft.
PEllen wrote:
It sounds like hubby was bread winner ]
and LW got an allowance or had primary responsibility for household accounts
Sorry, but the letter didn't say one way or the other whether the wife worked outside the home or not- much less had any kind of 'allowance'. It's entirely possible she herself may have been the 'primary wage earner' but decided to 'supplement' her income by stealing from what others had intended to compensate him alone for. There's also no evidence from the letter how much if any responsibility she had for household accounts.

PEllen wrote:
If she had bought $10G worth of stuff at Nieman Marcus or he spent it on rstoring a vintage Jag would you say the same?
For all we know, she may have spent $10G worth of stuff on Neiman Marcus and he may have spent it restoring a vintage Jag but if they had each spent their own monies doing so or each had told the other the intended uses for any mutual funds, that would have been fine. However; if either of them had outright taken funds intended for the other, that would be stealing and wrong -regardless of whatever self justifications they may conjure up after the fact.
PEllen wrote:
We will never know though, will we?
Yes, there are a lot of things about this couple will never know but I think it would be better to judge each individual case/ couple based on whatever info has been presented rather than based on assumptions . Moreover, not every wife who steals from her husband fits the 'Lifetime TV Movie Victim' stereotype nor does every husband whose has stuff stolen from them fit the 'Lifetime TV Movie Abuser' stereotype. Oh, and I can criticize whoever and whatever I believe deserves to be criticized even if you don't like it, thank you very much.

Since: Jan 10

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#14
May 28, 2013
 
L3: Don't sweat it. I've done this. I've had friends do this. "I bought this card so YOU could send it to someone!" It's all in good fun.

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