Posted in the Chicago Forum
“reign in blood”
Since: May 09
#1 Nov 14, 2013
DEAR AMY: I work in a very small office setting (five employees). At Christmastime, token gifts have been exchanged (one person always gives tins of homemade cookies, another gives candles, etc., while another seems to find the smallest, most unattractive items she can find to give to me). I have always tried to make and give gifts that I have put some special thought and time into, which may appear to some as being cheap.
Over this past year, the relationships with these three employees have deteriorated significantly because I stood firm on a professional and ethical issue that exposed the business and myself to liability. Heated words were hurled at me by one colleague in particular, leaving me stunned. The other two were not happy and continually let me know so through body language and offhand comments. Our boss is completely supportive of my actions.
Several months later, the other employees and I talk as needed to keep the office running, but it's still tense. I feel that, now that they've shown their true colors, we should pass on the Christmas gift-giving this year.
Do I need to make an announcement that I'm not participating in any gift-giving, or simply not give them a gift when the time comes?
My wife says no announcement. The boss just wants everybody to get along.
What do you say, Amy?-- Ethical and Unappreciated
DEAR ETHICAL: I think the ethical thing to do is to continue to rise above other people's pettiness and rudeness and to remember that this upcoming holiday is supposed to be all about peace on earth and good will toward all people (including colleagues).
Evidently that's not the holiday you intend to celebrate this year; if so, then you need to imagine how you will feel when you receive gifts from others (no matter how cruddy) and you have no intention to participate. Perhaps you should head off this awkwardness and make a simple statement in advance: "Due to the tension in the office, I think it's best if I don't participate in the gift exchange this year."
Just know that if you do this, the situation at work has little hope of improving.
DEAR AMY: I am a 23-year-old woman, in a relationship with a 25-year-old man.
We have been dating for nine months, but lately I have noticed he has changed. I feel as though I am making 85 percent of the driving trips to see him during the week (we live 25 minutes from each other).
He claims to be too tired or "not up to it" to come see me. He wants to move back to his hometown (12 hours away). He hates it here and has changed jobs twice in two years. He can't settle down anywhere. He is very unhappy, and it shows.
I feel so heartbroken that he just wants to leave without focusing on our relationship. He claims to love me and care for me, but he doesn't show it. I don't want to get involved in a long-distance relationship.
I love him dearly, and I care about him, but I feel he's not giving the full 100 percent in this relationship. Is he being selfish? Should I let him go?-- Let Down
DEAR LET DOWN: Your guy is unhappy and depressed. The most loving and generous thing you can do is realize that this likely has nothing to do with you or your relationship. He cannot focus on you right now because he is depleted and depressed.
You should encourage him to do whatever he needs to do to feel better. That's how you will show him how much you love him. If he needs to visit (or move) back to his hometown, then you should encourage him to go, and try your hardest to do this with a loving spirit.
DEAR AMY: "Frustrated Family" felt pressure to include a sister's abusive husband in holiday events, even though the couple were now separated.
I agreed with your advice, Amy. The sister is now separated from this jerk, and now the family gets to be separated from him too.-- Fan
DEAR FAN: Thank you.
“A Programmer is not in IT!”
Since: Feb 09
Neda, stay with me! Charlie
#2 Nov 14, 2013
1 Ha, a cheapskate calling someone else a cheapskate! What you should do is polish your resume and quit looking for some thoughtful trinket to pass off as a gift.
2 Oh sure Amy, bash the...Huh?
3 That means divorcing the sister too dummy!
“reign in blood”
Since: May 09
#3 Nov 14, 2013
1- Dude, you need to get over yourself. Find a new job if things are that bad. You're acting petty and full of yourself. Amy gave good advice
2- Move on.
3- Yay for you
#4 Nov 14, 2013
L1: "The boss just wants everyone to get along."
Perhaps the boss should go back to boss school and learn how to be a boss. He's only got 5 employees for Pete's sake.
L2: Why not move back to him hometown with him? Rent an apartment and see if that helps. If not, see ya.
“Where is Everyone?”
Since: Jul 12
#5 Nov 14, 2013
L1: This sounds like a bunch of children.
L2: Yep, time to move on. BTW, you sound clingy to me.
L3: Families can do stupid things when they're in denial.
“The two baby belly, please!”
Since: Sep 09
#6 Nov 14, 2013
LW1: Eff the announcement and just bring in a big container of popcorn or cookies around Christmas.
LW2: I'm hearing Sting: "If you love somebody, if you love someone, set them free. Free free, set them free."
If he wants to go home, let him go, but make sure he knows in no uncertain terms that you are not going to be carrying on a long distance relationship or waiting for him in any way.
LW3: I'm tired of being subjected to Amy's ego boosts. This letter had no other value.
Since: Jun 09
#7 Nov 14, 2013
LW1 probably reported use of pirated software which is costing the company money which would have gone to year end bonuses if LW had kept quiet, and oh yeah, LW is collecting the snitch bounty.
LW2 You are 23 and have been dating for less than a year? Lots of other fish in the sea , sweetheart. You aren't important enough to him to overcome his negative feelings about where he is living and working.
Its over. be gracious.
LW3 Sure, whatever.
#8 Nov 14, 2013
1. Get a new job. Then tell them you don't celebrate Christmas.
2. It's over. enjoy being single and you will eventually find mr. Right.
3. Holidays suck and so do obnoxious in laws. Age old problem.
#9 Nov 14, 2013
LW1: Dude, you're worried about what to give your co-workers for Christmas when you have way bigger problems. But you can use this opportunity to smooth things over with a little gift and card. I'm thinking a small box of quality chocolates.
LW2: Team PEllen.
LW3: I suggested that they invite him, but tolerate no abuse to their sister, which could have been their stance from day 1.
#10 Nov 14, 2013
1: Let me guess: lw is a guy, boss is a guy, and the rest are petty gossipy women?
I would find the most unattractive gift (like they do) and act like you really care about it/them.
And buy your boss a pair of nuts for c-mas.
2: Textbook. You should not be doing all the work. If you're trying too hard to make it work, BACK OFF.
Stop calling, stop texting, go live life and chill and give him space.
You will find out soon enough where he stands with you.
#11 Nov 14, 2013
LW1: OMG, you whiny princess--grow the F up and just give everyone a tin of cookies.
And, yes, I realize you're male. Not the same thing as being a man.
#12 Nov 14, 2013
I agree with bringing a tray of baked goods or some other snack type item into the breakroom for everyone. Hassle free.
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