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21 - 40 of 46 Comments Last updated Apr 8, 2013

“FD&S is no way to be.”

Since: Feb 13

Knoxville, TN

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#22
Apr 8, 2013
 
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Because that's what Jesus would do.
Says the most un-Jesus-acting person in here.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

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#23
Apr 8, 2013
 
Matilda77 wrote:
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J commented about the boys on the corner being outside and yelling all Saturday. I said better that than them be like the kid next door to us that isn't allowed to leave his backyard. I'm sure I annoyed a neighbor or two back in the day, but I had fun and got exercise.
Oh, I'm positive we have more than a few annoyed neighbors, but for the most part, peeps are cool. They understand kids need to get out and run around.

And my letting my kids run around without me in constant attendance is part of the free-range thinking. Of course I get nervous that "something" might happen, but mostly they're learning about boundaries and conflict resolution and getting a little taste of being self-reliant. I can see how confident they're becoming.

And there are so many of them running around, it's like they're a school of fish - much harder for a predator to attack.

Since: Jan 10

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#24
Apr 8, 2013
 
L1: I Have to wonder... you got your ex-husband to relinquish all parental rights to his children? Because you'd have to do that in order for your new husband to adopt them. How old were the kids? Old enough to KNOW their DAD? Unless he cmpletely disappeared, I don't think you had any right doing this.

L2: I think it's awesome you put that old hag in her place! What idiot thinks a 4 or 5 yo boy is too old to be in the women's restroom? Five is a common cut-off age for that stuff (like lockerroom usage at the gym). Besides, there are stalls in the women's room. Nothing to be seen. I'm on your side.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

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#25
Apr 8, 2013
 

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Sam I Am GEAM wrote:
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Says the most un-Jesus-acting person in here.
You are forgiven, my son.
Kuuipo

Salinas, CA

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#26
Apr 8, 2013
 
Toj wrote:
I got a warning for the above post. Why?
The post I just made in Dear Abby went away in seconds for no reason.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#27
Apr 8, 2013
 
Kuuipo wrote:
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The post I just made in Dear Abby went away in seconds for no reason.
Probably a newbie moderator.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#28
Apr 8, 2013
 

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RedheadwGlasses wrote:
L1: I Have to wonder... you got your ex-husband to relinquish all parental rights to his children? Because you'd have to do that in order for your new husband to adopt them. How old were the kids? Old enough to KNOW their DAD? Unless he cmpletely disappeared, I don't think you had any right doing this.
Hmmm

He was abusive.
Arrested and escorted away in hand cuffs.
Given a restraining order.

You think maybe the court gave her full custody and he didn't give a rat's ass about fighting for custody or visitation at the time? You know, since he was an abusive drunk.
liner

Patchogue, NY

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#29
Apr 8, 2013
 

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Mister Tonka wrote:
LW1: She has nothing to apologize for in not wanting to be around her ex. But let's be real, Amy. She has not been bothered by this dude in 20 years. He is no longer dangerous to her. He wants nothing more to do with her than she does with him.
"The idea that you would somehow be safe if he is kept on the other side of the room is bunk."
Really? So you think this guy who has not made contact in 20 years is just itching for a chance to harm her the moment he enters the same room as her? You're nuts.
LW2: Were you wrong? No. But why even get into it with her. Who cares what some crotchety old biatch has to say?
"You only need to forgive her for being intolerant and rude toward you."
Why? What did she do to deserve forgiveness?
"....He is no longer dangerous to her. He wants nothing more to do with her than she does with him...."
You willing to guarantee that?
"...So you think this guy who has not made contact in 20 years is just itching for a chance to harm her the moment he enters the same room as her?"
Happens every day.

“FD&S is no way to be.”

Since: Feb 13

Cedar Grove, TN

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#30
Apr 8, 2013
 

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edogxxx wrote:
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You are forgiven, my son.
Everything about that is wrong, you twit.

Since: Jan 10

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#31
Apr 8, 2013
 

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Mister Tonka wrote:
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Hmmm
He was abusive.
Arrested and escorted away in hand cuffs.
Given a restraining order.
You think maybe the court gave her full custody and he didn't give a rat's ass about fighting for custody or visitation at the time? You know, since he was an abusive drunk.
I don't know. Ican see a lot of different scenarios at work. I think that getting the other parent to relinquish his rights and having another person adopt your kids is no small feat. If the kids were 2 and 4, maybe it'll work. If the kids are 8 and 10? Good luck with that. They'll remember you as the person who kept their dad away.
Kuuipo

Salinas, CA

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#32
Apr 8, 2013
 
Toj wrote:
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Probably a newbie moderator.
We could have some fun with this...

“It made sense at the time....”

Since: May 09

Schaumburg, IL

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#33
Apr 8, 2013
 
LW1 - i'd maybe have a sit-down wiht the kids and remind them, without gettign into great/gory detail, about what happened and why LW doesn t want to be in teh same room with pops. i'd conclude with somethgin like 'i hope you understand why i'll be asking if he's coming and i hope you understand why i might not be in attendance at your home. Idon't want to keep you from having a relationship ihwt him, but i don't wish to have one/see him again."

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#34
Apr 8, 2013
 
liner wrote:
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"....He is no longer dangerous to her. He wants nothing more to do with her than she does with him...."
You willing to guarantee that?
No, I'm not willing to guarantee anything. But its silly to act like him being dangerous to her, this many years later, in his grown child's home, is the most likely scenario.
liner wrote:
"...So you think this guy who has not made contact in 20 years is just itching for a chance to harm her the moment he enters the same room as her?"
Happens every day.
People get into car accidents everyday too, doesn't mean its likely that I will get into one.

I already said, she does not need to apologize or make excuses for not wanting to be around him, but I'm not going to accept the idea that she would LIKELY be in danger if she came in contact with him again.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#35
Apr 8, 2013
 
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
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I don't know. Ican see a lot of different scenarios at work. I think that getting the other parent to relinquish his rights and having another person adopt your kids is no small feat. If the kids were 2 and 4, maybe it'll work. If the kids are 8 and 10? Good luck with that. They'll remember you as the person who kept their dad away.
If their 8 & 10, they probably also remember feeling helpless to stop him from whupping mom's ass. A drunk abuser does not sound like the model dad who does stuff with the kids. Probably just as happy as mom to see him go.
Kuuipo

Salinas, CA

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#36
Apr 8, 2013
 

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LW1: I totally understand why LW wants to have nothing to do with her ex. He is still drinking; therefore, he still has the potential for out-of-control behavior. The kids know he's an alcoholic, and are downplaying his drinking and seem in denial about the situation. I would make it VERY plain to my children that it is their choice to be in contact with their dad but that I never, ever want to be in his presence again.

LW2: The woman was completely out of line. These are small boys. If there's no family restroom, you have to take them with you to the ladies' room. As long as they are not crawling under the stalls, there should not be a problem.

Since: Jan 10

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#37
Apr 8, 2013
 
Kuuipo wrote:
LW2: The woman was completely out of line. These are small boys. If there's no family restroom, you have to take them with you to the ladies' room. As long as they are not crawling under the stalls, there should not be a problem.
And it's not like she has an alternative. Yes, their dad could have taken them in and had her park the car, but what about when dad's not with the family? Who are these hypersensitive women that a young kid in the stall next to her will keep her from being able to pee?
liner

Patchogue, NY

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#38
Apr 8, 2013
 

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Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text> No, I'm not willing to guarantee anything. But its silly to act like him being dangerous to her, this many years later, in his grown child's home, is the most likely scenario.
<quoted text> People get into car accidents everyday too, doesn't mean its likely that I will get into one.
I already said, she does not need to apologize or make excuses for not wanting to be around him, but I'm not going to accept the idea that she would LIKELY be in danger if she came in contact with him again.
We can go round and round with this. I think her kids have a big pair expecting their mother to suddenly be OK with hanging around someone who apparently frightened her to a large extent. Like someone else here said, perhaps she didn't educate her kids about the extent of her fears.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

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#39
Apr 8, 2013
 
Toj wrote:
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Post #16. Is it there?
No

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

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#40
Apr 8, 2013
 
Chiacgo Tribune readers: did we have a situation like this in the last few months: an abusive husband was away or in jail for a long time, liek 10-15 years and got out and shot his wife in spite of a restraining order?

If she doesn't want to be in the room with him, that is her perogative. She has to explain it to teh boys though. I think the dad is being unecessarily intrusive and deliberately baiting her by making the request.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

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#41
Apr 8, 2013
 

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liner wrote:
perhaps she didn't educate her kids about the extent of her fears.
Or maybe the kids felt that after 20 goddam years, mamma can learn to deal, already?

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