“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#1 Oct 20, 2012
DEAR AMY: I was involved with a married man for more than 15 years. He was going to leave his wife to be with me, but it never happened. I was naive and thought he was serious about our relationship because we saw each other morning, noon and night. We had so much in common and enjoyed every minute we were together.

After the affair ended, we remained good friends. We still have friends in common and communicate by cellphone. He stops by my house on a regular basis. Recently, he told me that he and his wife were going to downsize to a smaller house. He owns a lot of land and there are a lot of places he could build his "retirement home," but he tells me it will be on property adjacent to me!

What kind of man would do something like that? His wife doesn't like me, but she has no idea about the extent of my relationship with her husband. My neighbors and friends who knew about our relationship have said that he should have picked another location. They think that he is being self-centered and inconsiderate of my feelings.

I am still reeling from this. What do you imagine he is thinking?-- Frustrated Former

DEAR FRUSTRATED: You claim that after your sexual affair ended you maintained a long-term friendship with this man, entertaining him in your home and talking frequently on the phone.

I suspect your former flame imagines that he can continue to be your friend, only now from next door. If you don't want him to build a house next to you, it would be a good idea to stop discussing this with mutual friends and start discussing this with him. He doesn't sound like someone who has much respect for boundaries, but you should do your best to draw them now.

DEAR AMY: I assist a mildly disabled woman with her financial affairs and a few other things. I'm happy to do it. In return, she insists on giving me food that she has cooked. Amy, she is a dreadful cook! My husband and I have even gotten sick from some of her "gifts."

I also hate to see her using her limited funds to buy ingredients for this food. How can I stop her without hurting her feelings? Throwing the food away seems wasteful, and we wouldn't dare inflict it on someone else.-- Grateful But Queasy

DEAR GRATEFUL: You might be able to direct your friend's giving by steering her toward something she can make that you can also stomach. You can say, "You are so nice to cook for us. You know what we'd really love? Chocolate chip cookies. Can you make those? We'd love to keep some in our freezer."

The dough is available in no-fail, pre-mixed versions. You might be able to direct her toward this.

DEAR AMY: In your response to "Dissed," the uncle (or aunt) who was asked to officiate at a niece's wedding, you spoke of his "mail-order clerical collar." According to state (or provincial) law, a pastor or justice of the peace is legally allowed to officiate at marriages only in the jurisdiction where he lives and nowhere else.

It requires a lot of time and paperwork to receive legal permission to officiate in another state. One of my best friends, an ordained pastor in Alberta, Canada, had to jump through a lot of hoops, along with lots of time and paperwork, to officiate at his brother's wedding in another province.

"Dissed" had reason to be miffed with this niece. I doubt she knew how much trouble this relative went through to be there for her on that special day.-- Canadian Reader

DEAR READER: "Dissed" didn't mention being a member of the clergy, thus my reference to a "mail-order" collar. It seems to require more paperwork for clergy members to officiate at a wedding than for a civilian to become ordained for this purpose.

Since: Mar 09

Boynton Beach, FL

#2 Oct 20, 2012
L1: Stupid, stupid, stupid. All of you.

L2: I'd be more worried that some of her family members are going to come out of the woodwork and accuse you of stealing from her or taking advantage of her. But I'm cynical like that.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Melrose Park, IL

#3 Oct 20, 2012
1- So you've been leading him on this whole time and now act surprised when he thinks you'd be cool with him living next door? I agree with Amy, tell HIM instead of airing your dirty laundry to all your friends. Tell him if he moves next door, you're telling his wife everything. Washed up hussy.

2- Yes, the power of using your words.

3- Wah. Do it or don't, quit btching about it.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#4 Oct 20, 2012
It occurred to me that if he moved next door, he might feel real possessive and jealous when other guys come in and out of her house. OTOH when his marriage breaks up, they will move away.

Time to say Game Over boy.


“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#5 Oct 20, 2012
L1: Don't feel sorry for you. You knew you got involved with a married man and then remained friends. So what's your beef about him moving next door? Him feeling like he has 2 women now or you wanting to date other guys or that his wife will sure to suspect something? You should have a conversation with him and if that fails you just might have to move. You can't make someone do something, but you can change what you're doing.

L2: I'm with JMW, I'd be afraid of what the relatives might think as well. As for the food, don't eat it. Feed it to the raccoons -- they'll eat anything. What you can do is give her supplies for her kitchen b/c of all her cooking for you. It'a amazing how much better food tastes when you have the proper ingredients. Another idea is you can spend an afternoon cooking with her, bring your recipes you "want to try with her help". There's all kinds of ways around this.

L3: Well, whatever. What's done is done and lesson learned. Not much you can do about it after the fact.

Since: Mar 09

Pittsburgh, PA

#6 Oct 20, 2012
edogxxx wrote:
DEAR READER: "Dissed" didn't mention being a member of the clergy, thus my reference to a "mail-order" collar. It seems to require more paperwork for clergy members to officiate at a wedding than for a civilian to become ordained for this purpose.
Reminds me of this: an engaged couple went to a karaoke bar and heard a guy sing the greatest cover of "Stairway to Heaven" ever. They asked him if he ever sang at weddings, and he said yes, and he was also a songwriter who did his own original material. Plus, he was a judge, so he could even marry them! They agreed enthusiastically.

So, the ceremony went off without a hitch, but the original songs he sang at the reception were so terrible, the day was ruined. Ruined I tell you!

Moral of this story? Never book a judge by his cover!
(<g> Thanks, Stephan Pastis!)

Chicago, IL

#7 Oct 20, 2012
LW1: "What kind of man would do something like that?"

A man who knows *exactly* how morally bankrupt you are. He's moving next door expecting to start fn you again. And you sound stupid enuff to do it.
Zip It

Oak Brook, IL

#8 Oct 20, 2012
First of all you sound like you really think this is his move to say how much he care about you, but it is not, this move says I donot respect you or my wife. I'm bold enough to show you I don't respect you because you are bold enough to disrespect my marriage, and to the wife he says, I want to deceive you like you have done me. He is screaming cake and icecream with pie.

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