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“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#1 Sep 10, 2013
DEAR AMY: My husband and I belong to a genial group of people who enjoy tailgating together before our favorite university's football games. Last week one of these "Friends of Football" sent a preseason email to everyone who ever tailgated with us, saying that he and his wife have separated.

This fellow, who's in his 60s, went on to explain that his marriage ended because of his unusually high testosterone level. He said this is why he's had affairs for the last 10 years (which his wife only now found out about).

Amy, I don't care to share even a picnic table with this pond scum. I've written to his wife (who was horrified and embarrassed by his email) to tell her my husband and I hoped she would come to all the games. Apparently they've already split the tickets. We love these get-togethers, but right now I feel like skipping the tailgates Mr. Testosterone will be cruising.

What say you?-- Female Football Fan

DEAR FAN: When it comes to football, I can take it or leave it (oops -- Go Bears!), but human awkwardness? Now that's a sport I can really get behind.

Don't let a little pond scum get in the way of your good time. If you miss one moment of enjoying your own life and relationships because you're trying to punish someone else, then the bad guy wins.

If you have something to convey to someone, you should find a way to do so directly to the person.

Mr. Testosterone most likely doesn't really care what you think of him, but you might introduce some clarity on your own position if you say, "You know, Bud, I think dumping your wife was a really lousy move, but that's your business. However, in the future, if you have something embarrassing and hurtful to announce, I'd appreciate it if you kept me off of your email list."

DEAR AMY: My sister's second husband died suddenly two weeks ago. He was not a nice person and verbally abused and controlled her. Several years ago, at a family event, he lost control of his anger and loudly threatened my husband and me. We almost called 911, but he jumped into his car and left.

My sister chose to stay with him, and this has affected our relationship.

She is planning a small memorial service for him and said to me that, "even though this is awkward," my husband and I are invited.

I am torn. We would have a hard time listening to anyone's memories of this guy, which are bound to be funeral-appropriate (i.e., flattering or sugar-coated). My sister's sons will be there (even though they were not fond of him) to support her. I'd love to go just to see them but I'm in a quandary about what to do, and how to talk to my sister about it.-- In a Quandary

DEAR QUANDARY: Go to the service. I have been to plenty of services where the memorials are not sugar-coated -- but even if they are in this case, you should attend to support those family members who need you. This presents an opportunity for you to reconnect with people you have been forced to avoid.

Your sister has already acknowledged the challenge for you, and I hope you will rise to it.

DEAR AMY: I am writing regarding "Worried," who was concerned that the man she was dating "still" has pictures of his wife and family on the walls of his home (only) 2 1/2 years after his wife's death.

My sister passed away several years ago. My brother-in-law has since married a delightful woman who added her family photos to the walls, not removing the past but celebrating what has made them the people they are today.

Worried needs to understand that departed spouses are not the same as an ex; they did not choose to end their marriage. His first wife may always be in the picture and her memory is not to be feared or competed with, just accepted as graciously as he removed the photo from his bedroom.-- Ellen in Verona

DEAR ELLEN: Very wise; thank you.

“On Deck”

Since: Aug 08

French Polynesia

#2 Sep 10, 2013
L1. Birds of a feather flock together.

“On Deck”

Since: Aug 08

French Polynesia

#3 Sep 10, 2013
L1. Mr. Male Hormone is acutely sensitive about what everyone thinks of him, especially the women folk.

Since: Mar 09

Pittsburgh, PA

#4 Sep 10, 2013
loose cannon wrote:
L1. Mr. Male Hormone is acutely sensitive about what everyone thinks of him, especially the women folk.
I guarantee you that out of their group, most of the women are repulsed. But there is ONE who is intrigued and is gonna give him a tumble. Probably worth it from his perspective!

Since: Dec 09

Smalltown, Colorado

#5 Sep 10, 2013
LW1 - She should send a 3-letter reply to Mr. Testosterone's email - "TMI"

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#6 Sep 10, 2013
L1: Attend the tailgating parties and bust his b[e]lls.

My ex sent an email like that (there had been no cheating) when we split. It reflected poorly on him, not on me.

L2: Geez, just GO. You went to their wedding right? Suck it up, buttercup.

L3: Marry a widow/er, marry her/his past.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#7 Sep 10, 2013
LW1: What a weirdo! Still, itís nunya. I'd have fun with it and give the guy hell and call him Mr. Testosterone, myself.

LW2: You should be able to support your sister, while at the same time ignoring the flattery.

LW3: I donít know why anyone would have a problem with that.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#8 Sep 10, 2013
L1: I'm with Amy. Do what she says. This guy wants everyone to know that he's a MAN -- too much testosterone baby. He's clueless. His exwife is better off without him and I'd tell him. I also agree with VAdame -- he's hoping to get some action going in the group.

L2: Funerals and wakes really aren't about the dead people. They're gone. They're about the living. Know this and go.

L3: If the widow/er is comparing the current spouse to the dead one, I can understand a problem but it would be more a problem with the live widow/widower than the spouse that died. Otherwise, I think it's something good to leave the pictures up if there are children.
not a ghost

San Antonio, TX

#9 Sep 10, 2013
LW2 should go--but please not say she's glad he's gone for good.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#10 Sep 10, 2013
LW1: You should totally bust his testosterone-enlarged balls about this. He will get tired of the abuse if you all do it right and he will disappear.

Probably will disappear on his own anyway; he can't hit on any of the women in this "genial" group.

LW2: Geez, just go to the service.

LW3: And this is why we're so po'd at my dad's new ladyfriend. She basically erased my step-mom from what was once her home. Does not make for happy feelings.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#11 Sep 10, 2013
Sublime1 wrote:
LW1: What a weirdo! Still, itís nunya. I'd have fun with it and give the guy hell and call him Mr. Testosterone, myself.
EXACTLY! Bust his balls!

Since: Mar 09

Pittsburgh, PA

#12 Sep 10, 2013
Toj wrote:
L1: I'm with Amy. Do what she says. This guy wants everyone to know that he's a MAN -- too much testosterone baby. He's clueless. His exwife is better off without him and I'd tell him. I also agree with VAdame -- he's hoping to get some action going in the group.
Just like any other gross, raunchy, trite, or otherwise stupid pickup line. He throws it out at every woman he encounters. 99 out of of 100 slap him down, but one winks and say let's go! Totally worth it from his perspective.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#13 Sep 10, 2013
1-He's in his sixties, goes to college tailgate parties, still chases women like he's a teenager... How pathetic.

2- Go ef yourself. I hate people like this.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#14 Sep 10, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
1-He's in his sixties, goes to college tailgate parties, still chases women like he's a teenager... How pathetic.
2- Go ef yourself. I hate people like this.
You do realizw that tailgaters at college football games are alumni more rhan students, right? Students party at someone's place near the stadium rhen head over already drunk.

Do you find 60 year olds tailgating before NFL games to be pathetic?

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#15 Sep 10, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>
You do realizw that tailgaters at college football games are alumni more rhan students, right? Students party at someone's place near the stadium rhen head over already drunk.
Do you find 60 year olds tailgating before NFL games to be pathetic?
I've lived in two college towns and students tailgating was pretty rare. IT was mostly alumni, parents, other older adults who live in the state and attend the games. 60 year olds definitely would out number the 20 year olds.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#16 Sep 10, 2013
L2. Go to the service . It will be a celebration of his life. Here is one way you can celebrate .
(safe for work)

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#17 Sep 10, 2013
L1 This is my age cohort and demographic . Unfortunately.

Be civil and cool to him.

Start a private betting pool among the friends about how soon he will have a 25 year old trophy wife who will take him for everything he has left.

Make sure you invite the ex wife. If you can, fix her up ASAP for this season and get a ticket for her new BF. Nothing will cool his jest quite as fast as seeing his ex look great and quickly hook up with some other guy. It might be worth while recruiting a gay friend for this.

“It made sense at the time....”

Since: May 09

Schaumburg, IL

#18 Sep 10, 2013
LW2 - i don't think anyone has ever gone down in history regrettign taking the high road in situations like this. It may be hard, but focus on supporting your sister, making time for sister things and avoid trashing teh other one.
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

#20 Sep 10, 2013
LW1: I'd say that Mr. Testosterone has an unusually high level of insensitivity, tact, and manners. In terms of dealing with him, I can't improve on Amy and PEllen's advice.

LW2: Go to the service and support your sister.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#21 Sep 10, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
Do you find 60 year olds tailgating before NFL games to be pathetic?
I think most EVERYBODY who tailgates on a regular basis every week is pathetic.

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