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“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#1 Aug 1, 2014
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have a lake house and invited a couple (close friends) to join us for a few days. The husband has cancer and has been taking chemo. We wanted them both to rest, as the wife is his only caregiver. We all thought this would be a wonderful opportunity to relax and enjoy nature.

The second night they were there, the husband went to bed very early and the three of us were visiting. At one point, my friend went into the kitchen. When she didn't come out, I went to check on her and found her close to a diabetic coma.

It was very frightening. She hadn't eaten much dinner and her blood sugar had crashed to a dangerous level. Fortunately, we knew what to do because my dad was diabetic.

We were an hour from the nearest hospital and had no cell reception. We did not know where her medication was. My friend was making no sense and couldn't remember.

I want to respect my friends' privacy, but if you travel with someone you know has a medical condition, is it OK to ask where they keep their meds in case of an emergency? How do you approach the subject?-- CARING FRIEND IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CARING FRIEND: Of course it's OK. And a perfect way to lead up to that question would be to relate the story you have written to me.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, for the most part, is a happy-go-lucky, funny person during the day. But once we sit down to dinner, he starts criticizing and making mean comments about me. Once dinner is over, he's back to being pleasant.

I have addressed this with him to no avail. I have tried ignoring his comments, changing the subject, asking calmly for him to make his concerns known before or after rather than during the meal. I have suggested we eat dinner away from the table or separately. I have sought the counsel of a therapist and tried implementing her suggestions.

I am at my wits' end. I'm a well-educated, good person, a good wife and co-provider. I do not understand why he acts this way at the dinner table. Your thoughts, Abby?-- IT'S ALL GOOD, UNTIL ...

DEAR IT'S ALL GOOD: When someone tells me, "It's all good" and then describes a marriage in which her husband beats her down emotionally once a day, I have to wonder what her definition of "good" is. For whatever reason, your husband appears to be trying to punish you for something by deliberately upsetting you every evening.

Was it his behavior that caused you to seek counseling or something else? I ask because I think the wrong spouse may have seen the therapist. Unless he decides to get help and find a healthier way of channeling his anger/frustration, nothing will change, because as it stands, there have been no "consequences" for his actions.
Cass

Rancho Cucamonga, CA

#2 Aug 1, 2014
LW1 -

(1) If you live/have a summer house somewhere in the boonies where there is no cell reception you MUST have a landline. You absolutely must. Emergencies happen not only to people with medical conditions. You could have set your house on the lake on fire, you could have a heart attack or a stroke (yes, even fit and healthy people may suddenly have one), you could have tripped on a corner of a rug and hit your head on a sharp piece of furniture, etc. You need to be able to call 911 even if there is no cell service.

(2) Wake the husband. If his wife is about to kick the bucket, he can manage to wake up and help you look for her meds.

(3) Go through her bags even if she can't tell you where the meds are. Think: where would you keep your vital meds if you needed them? Start in that place (her purse, her overnight bag, etc.)

LW2 - Your husband is an @zzhole. I'd stop telling him calmly and tell him firmly that you do not deserve to be treated that way, so either he goes to counseling with you, or you go alone. Find a good counselor who would help you stand up for yourself. Failing that, I'd talk to a divorce attorney.
not a ghost

San Antonio, TX

#3 Aug 1, 2014
Team Cass. An why does LW2 eat dinner with him if he gets insulting?
That's her cue to get up, and walk away from his ugly words.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#4 Aug 1, 2014
1 My buddy is a diabetic and I dont have to ask. HE makes sure I know what is where, and what to do.

2 Calling you out over burnt dinner is not criticizing.
Cass

Rancho Cucamonga, CA

#5 Aug 1, 2014
RACE wrote:
1 My buddy is a diabetic and I dont have to ask. HE makes sure I know what is where, and what to do.
2 Calling you out over burnt dinner is not criticizing.
If it's burned every single time, he can take over the cooking rather than be an @zzwipe.
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

#6 Aug 1, 2014
LW1: Lesson learned, and team Cass on how to proceed from here.

LW2: You've tried ignoring him, changing the subject, asking for him to make his concerns known at other times, etc. IMHO, this could be learned behavior; his father probably treated his mother this way. Try one more thing. Make yourself a plate and eat on the patio. Or pack a container and go for a drive. In other words, try eating separately. You need to change the dynamic. How long have you been putting up with this? Abby is right - he needs therapy to figure out why he needs to berate his life partner daily. But he's not likely to seek it out unless and until you draw your line in the sand and refuse to put up with this any longer.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#7 Aug 1, 2014
She wont let him!
Cass wrote:
<quoted text>
If it's burned every single time, he can take over the cooking rather than be an @zzwipe.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#8 Aug 1, 2014
L1: Yes -- I agree and probably would ot have thought about it but in that situation a landline would be a must. If that's not doable for whatever reason, there are those CB radios. Don't those have an emergency station?

That said, if someone's dying I figure they don't mind me going through their stuff looking for things to help and if they do their priorities are so far out of whack, I don't care that they mind.
Cass

Rancho Cucamonga, CA

#9 Aug 1, 2014
RACE wrote:
She wont let him!
<quoted text>
I highly doubt it. She has a job outside the house, too.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#10 Aug 1, 2014
Cass wrote:
LW1 -
(1) If you live/have a summer house somewhere in the boonies where there is no cell reception you MUST have a landline. You absolutely must.
What if the house is off the grid and there is no land line service in the area?
Cass

Rancho Cucamonga, CA

#11 Aug 2, 2014
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>What if the house is off the grid and there is no land line service in the area?
Well, then they are screwed. If I were them, I'd get rid of that house. In my book, if you have young kids or if you are yourself older (like in your 60s or older), you should not willingly live in a place that is an hour away from the nearest hospital and that has no telephone service whatsoever, cell or landline.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#12 Aug 2, 2014
right, so you would sell your piece of paradise because it does not have a phone...Yeah, that sounds pretty intelligent.

Oh, and 60 is the new 40 honey
Cass wrote:
<quoted text>
Well, then they are screwed. If I were them, I'd get rid of that house. In my book, if you have young kids or if you are yourself older (like in your 60s or older), you should not willingly live in a place that is an hour away from the nearest hospital and that has no telephone service whatsoever, cell or landline.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#13 Aug 3, 2014
Had a thought. What a bonus! Haha, crack myself up.

Anyways, there are these called Jetpacks (and probably by other names by other brands) wherein you have your very own WiFi in places that don't have them.

If you go to your summer place out in the boonies and do not have phone access, I'd seriously by them. While it is like a monthly phone charge ($40 a month is the going rate), I bet you can rent them or get some type of pay-as-you-go.

That's my fix on the phone thing.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#14 Aug 3, 2014
Toj wrote:
Had a thought. What a bonus! Haha, crack myself up.
Anyways, there are these called Jetpacks (and probably by other names by other brands) wherein you have your very own WiFi in places that don't have them.
If you go to your summer place out in the boonies and do not have phone access, I'd seriously by them. While it is like a monthly phone charge ($40 a month is the going rate), I bet you can rent them or get some type of pay-as-you-go.
That's my fix on the phone thing.
What you are speaking of is a device that allows nearby devices to connect TO IT over WIFI. That device still needs to connect to the internet over the same mobile data connection that a cell phone uses. If you have no cell service, this device is not going to be of any use.

The point of those devices is to provide an internet connection to devices that don't have a mobile data connection. Like a laptop. Or a tablet that is WIFI only.

When you are in a coffee shop connecting to their wifi to get to the internet, that wifi connection is only between your device and the onsite router. That router still needs a hard wired connection to the web.
Cass

Rancho Cucamonga, CA

#15 Aug 3, 2014
RACE wrote:
right, so you would sell your piece of paradise because it does not have a phone...Yeah, that sounds pretty intelligent.
Oh, and 60 is the new 40 honey
<quoted text>
I, personally, would. It ain't a piece of paradise for me if it is cut off from the world. And 60 may be the new 40, but accidents happen to people of all age: 60yos, 40yos, and 15yos.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#16 Aug 4, 2014
Cass wrote:
<quoted text>
I, personally, would. It ain't a piece of paradise for me if it is cut off from the world. And 60 may be the new 40, but accidents happen to people of all age: 60yos, 40yos, and 15yos.
Some people are not that scared of being off the grid. My grandparents had just such a "shack" till they day he died. Grandmother might still own it. Drove out of the city to the country. Would leave the car on the side of the road and walk the rest of the way in.I gave not ben theresince I was a child, but my memory tells me it was a minimum 10-20 minute walk. Cellphones did not exist. House had no land line. No electricity. Gas cooking. He kept chickens. So when we stayed, we ate chicken, eggs, and fruit from his trees.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#17 Aug 4, 2014
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text> What you are speaking of is a device that allows nearby devices to connect TO IT over WIFI. That device still needs to connect to the internet over the same mobile data connection that a cell phone uses. If you have no cell service, this device is not going to be of any use.
The point of those devices is to provide an internet connection to devices that don't have a mobile data connection. Like a laptop. Or a tablet that is WIFI only.
When you are in a coffee shop connecting to their wifi to get to the internet, that wifi connection is only between your device and the onsite router. That router still needs a hard wired connection to the web.
Yep, you're right. Maybe I was thinking satelite phone?

So I googled satellite phones and came across one, that I didn't even know you could do, that you could rent per week/month, etc. Pretty cool that you could do that.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#18 Aug 4, 2014
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
Yep, you're right. Maybe I was thinking satellite phone?
So I googled satellite phones and came across one, that I didn't even know you could do, that you could rent per week/month, etc. Pretty cool that you could do that.
Didn't that figure in a John Grisham book where the critical call was made by a satellite phone from a dugout canoe somewhere in Uruguay?

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#19 Aug 4, 2014
PEllen wrote:
<quoted text>
Didn't that figure in a John Grisham book where the critical call was made by a satellite phone from a dugout canoe somewhere in Uruguay?
is that the one where the lawyer was looking for the lone heiress and she was living in the jungle?

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#20 Aug 4, 2014
I didn't read that one I don't think. Is it any good? I'll check to see if I can get it electronically. His books are good train reading.

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