“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#1 Jun 6, 2014
DEAR ABBY: I'm the middle child. Our father died in the Gulf War. None of us really knew him, but my younger sister, "Delia," has no memory of him at all.

She has been acting out for years now, and has broken our mother's heart more times than I can count. Whenever she messes up, she blames it on not knowing our father and the life she "could" have led.

It has been 20 years, Abby! The past is the past. Delia continues to ruin her future and blame our mom. It has Mom wondering why she was able to survive this crisis 20 years ago but can't manage to deal with my sister.

I think Delia may have a chemical imbalance, or just never dealt with our father's death. How do you convince someone to get help? How do you make her see that Dad died so she could enjoy the many freedoms of America?-- DRAINED IN DELAWARE

DEAR DRAINED: I'm sorry for your family's loss, but we are all responsible for our own behavior and our own emotions. You can't force "help" on your dysfunctional sister. Before she'll be willing to accept that she needs it, she will have to accept that SHE has been responsible for her own mistakes and behavior. If your father had lived, her life might not have been any different than it is.

The person who COULD use some professional help might be your mother. Counseling might help her to quit trying to rescue her adult daughter, or blaming herself for the problems Delia has created for herself. I'm not saying it will be easy -- letting go rarely is. But it might improve her emotional and physical health.

DEAR ABBY: I am an attractive, physically fit, well-educated, 41-year-old divorced woman with two young children. Recently a co-worker I have known for several months asked me to accompany him on a weekend hiking trip.(He's 23.) After a few conversations, he confessed that he was "deeply in love" with me and hoped we could begin a "serious relationship."

Abby, he's mature, good-looking, financially independent and has a great sense of humor. I'm attracted to him. Should I pursue this relationship, or wait until I'm attracted to someone closer to my own age? Help!-- A.S. IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR A.S.: Whoa! Slow down. Regardless of the age difference, an overnight first date (with a co-worker, yet) seems like an awfully speedy beginning to me. If you're smart, start with a coffee date, graduate to a dinner date, and pursue the relationship from there. Only time will tell if this is the real thing.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

#2 Jun 6, 2014
1- she's just making excuses instead of taking responsibility for her behavior. You can't make someone change, the best and only thing you and your mother can do is back away, your sister will either self-destruct, or improve, on her own

2- jeebus, lady, he's young enough to be your son. Troll. How desperate are you for a man? Agree with Abby, slow it down. Once the fire in your loins subdues a little, you'll find you're just not on the same level as a 23 yr old

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#3 Jun 6, 2014
1 Step away from the train wreck...

2 Why can't I meet chicks like this?
Cass

Rancho Cucamonga, CA

#4 Jun 6, 2014
LW1 - Your sister needs medical and psychological help. It sounds like she is blaming your mother for your father dying in the war. That's messed up. Very, very, very messed up. Suggest help, but then detach with love. And please stop trying to convince her that "Dad died so she could enjoy many freedoms in America." This sounds pathetic and unhelpful to your sister.

LW2 - Age is not just a number. Back off, lady. The guy is either seriously disturbed or he is pulling a serious prank on you. A good-looking, mature, and financially independent 23yo with a great sense of humor should have dozens of young women throwing themselves at him. Why is he trolling for a middle-aged woman old enough to be his mother?
boundary painter

San Antonio, TX

#5 Jun 6, 2014
LW1 isn't giving Delaware a bad name--but her sister needs serious help that she can't give.

LW2 isn't giving California a bad name, but she seems a little na´ve.
Glance into the future of this relationship; LWQ2 will soon discover:
(a) He is uncomfortable with becoming a biological father--and prefers
women who are unlikely to have more children.
(b) He is looking for someone who is likely to stay home with her kids while he hunts, fishes and does whatever else he wants to do in the woods
(c) He likes her and it may or may not really last
or
(d) other

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#6 Jun 6, 2014
Lw2 ". Should I pursue this relationship, or wait until I'm attracted to someone closer to my own age?"

Sounds like a question for magic 8 ball.

Tonka says don't jump into a "relationship". Make him your booty call for a while and have some fun.
Kuuipo

Seaside, CA

#7 Jun 6, 2014
LW1: You are all going to have to tough love Delia. Tell her that life is tough for everyone, and that she needs to stop blaming everyone else, grow up, and take responsibility for her own future. Repeat as necessary.

LW2: If we were talking about a 41-year-old man and a 23-year-old woman would anyone bat an eye? Go out with him (coffee first, definitely), and have a good time. No expectations.
Cass

Rancho Cucamonga, CA

#8 Jun 8, 2014
Kuuipo wrote:
LW2: If we were talking about a 41-year-old man and a 23-year-old woman would anyone bat an eye? Go out with him (coffee first, definitely), and have a good time. No expectations.
I would. Bat an eye, I mean. I'd think the woman had daddy issues and the guy was a lecherous coot.

I am also wondering about a 23yo guy "in love" with a 41yo woman. When she is at work, he is not seeing the "real" her. She may be in good shape, and when she is wearing clothes and make-up, she may be quite hot-looking, but once the underwire push-up bra comes off, I bet things are going to sag and look a lot less sexy.
derp abby

Chicago, IL

#9 Jun 8, 2014
I got's me sissy pregnant. How's you use a clothes hanger?

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#10 Jun 8, 2014
shove it down your throat till you see stars, then tiwst to the left and pull with all your might.

Hope that helps...
derp abby wrote:
I got's me sissy pregnant. How's you use a clothes hanger?

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