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Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#1 May 3, 2013
DEAR ABBY: I'm 29 and for 10 years I have been struggling with controlling parents. They have cut two of my sisters out of their lives because they live closer to their spouses' parents. My husband and I are full-time students, ex-military and taking advantage of the G.I. Bill. We're looking for jobs, but my parents have threatened not to speak to me if we take jobs closer to his parents. I'm trying to be fair to both sets of parents, but we can't stay unemployed because of this issue. We have a family to support.

I tried reasoning with them, but I'm unsure how to proceed. Dad called and offered my husband a job in my hometown. We declined because if we accept, they will expect us to live near them. Please tell me what to do. I don't want my family to fall apart any more than it already has.-- SMOTHERED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR SMOTHERED: If you feel smothered now, imagine how it would be if you and your husband were economically dependent on your parents. No part of your lives would be separate from them, and you would be completely under their control. Holding the family together is not your responsibility, and you should not sacrifice your independence in an attempt to do so.

Your parents' emotional blackmail has already driven away two of your sisters and their families. I assume you have relationships with your siblings. I'm advising you to maintain them and live your own lives. With time, your parents may realize they haven't isolated their children; they have isolated only themselves.

DEAR ABBY: Today I saw a former classmate I hadn't seen in 22 years. He always seemed a little slow and different from the rest of us, and he was picked on at school because of it. When I said hello to him and reminded him of my name and that we went to school together, he said, "You danced with me at prom, and I always thought that was so nice!" I had forgotten that I had danced with him, but obviously, the fact that I did meant something to him.

My parents raised me to be nice to everyone, even if they weren't in my circle of friends. I'm not claiming that I was a saint in school, but I did try to stand up for people who were being picked on.

I wanted to share with your readers that any act of kindness probably means more than you know to the other person. I will be sharing my parents' message of kindness with my own daughter, and I hope other parents read this and do the same.-- PASSING IT ON IN OHIO

DEAR PASSING IT ON: Thank you for a wonderful letter. Your lesson in compassion is one that all parents should discuss with their children.

DEAR ABBY: I'm an 18-year-old girl who will be job searching pretty soon. I have never felt the need to wear makeup in my day-to-day life, but now I'm wondering. Is it unprofessional to go into a workplace sans makeup? Will future bosses think I don't look put-together? I wonder if any other girls my age are having the same confusion.-- READY TO BE OUT THERE

DEAR READY: It depends upon what kind of job you'll be searching for. If you plan to work with the public, you should try to look your best at all times. For your interviews, you should be neatly, but conservatively dressed. And as for makeup, you needn't apply it as though you were going on stage, but a touch of color wouldn't hurt.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#2 May 3, 2013
L1: I'd try to live as far away as possible from these horrid parents. Imagine the crap they'll try to pull once you have kids. No wonder your siblings moved to be closer to their in-laws.

L2: And aren't you proud of yourself.

L3: No makeup is necessary. I rarely wear it, and I don't think I've put it on for job interviews.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#3 May 3, 2013
1 Actually it all depends upon how you measure.

2 Dont break your arm patting yourself on the back

3 Dress Trampy. Everybody loves young trampy.
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

#5 May 3, 2013
I saw this chick at work the other day wearing a nice black conservative pant suit. Her shoes, though, were the alligator textured peach-colored 5-6 inch platform stripper pumps. What do women think sometimes? Stripper shoes are NOT appropriate for the office and DO NOT look good with dressy/conservative clothes.

LW3 is fine with no makeup as long as she is clean and presents herself well. And doesn't wear stripper shoes. Unless she is trying to be a tripper. In which case, she'll need the shoes AND the make-up!

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#6 May 3, 2013
Stina wrote:
I saw this chick at work the other day wearing a nice black conservative pant suit. Her shoes, though, were the alligator textured peach-colored 5-6 inch platform stripper pumps. What do women think sometimes? Stripper shoes are NOT appropriate for the office and DO NOT look good with dressy/conservative clothes.
LW3 is fine with no makeup as long as she is clean and presents herself well. And doesn't wear stripper shoes. Unless she is trying to be a tripper. In which case, she'll need the shoes AND the make-up!
Peach shoes with a black suit? That seems a bit odd.
ChicagolandChica

Atlanta, GA

#7 May 3, 2013
I don't think LW3 needs to pile on the mascara and lipstick, but unless she has really good skin, a little concealer and a dusting of loose powder can go a long way. Most days that's all I wear, and it helps even out my complexion and look better.
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

#8 May 3, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
Peach shoes with a black suit? That seems a bit odd.
It was!!!

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#9 May 3, 2013
1: Do yourself a favor and move to the farthest point on the planet away from them. They are freaking batshit nuts.

2: Aren't you special? Yeah, thanks lady but you aren't the only one who manages to treat everyone else with kindness and respect even if they aren't part of one's inner circle.

3: Do yourself a favor, don't wear makeup. If you don't care for wearing it, don't start now. Being a woman in no way obligates you to put a ton of crap on your face, don't buy into that lie. Use it if you want to, don't if you don't.

Do however make sure you are clean and well groomed with nice, clean, pressed (ironed) clothes (and matching shoes :-) Sam), a manicure, etc. BTW "manicure" means only clean, well groomed nails, not necessarily artificial nails and bright colored nail polish or anything.

Also as you are starting out in the working world, if you're going to work anywhere besides fast food, here is a word you should know: Dry-cleaner. Trust me and make a spot in your budget. <shrug>

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#10 May 3, 2013
Agggghhhh that :-) was for Stina....sorry all those "S-es" confuse me.:-)

Since: Mar 09

Pittsburgh, PA

#11 May 3, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
Peach shoes with a black suit? That seems a bit odd.
Ha, sounds like something my Leelee would wear. And it would WORK for her, too :-D

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#12 May 3, 2013
L1: Abby gave excellent advice. I hope the LW follows it.

L2: Wow. Well I'll assume the LW is one of those people who needs affirmation all the time. I will treat that LW with the kindness referred to in the letter as "different from the rest of us" and leave it right here.

L3: If you got great skin, just put on some moisturizer/sun protection, a sheer lipstick and a bit of mascara. Those were the days.

“boredom made me do it”

Since: Aug 08

ny, ny

#13 May 3, 2013
LW1 - You need perspective. Called, whose actions belong to whom.

If doing something for yourself which is not intended to offend your parents offends them to the point that they will cut you off for it, you are not the one breaking your family apart. They are. And you can only take responsibility for your own actions.

Do they still have a choice of speaking to you if you move? Being involved in your life? Is your intent to keep them in your life? If the answer to all of these is "yes", then any family breaking lies entirely on them. Because you are *still available to them* and the can choose differently at any time.

Now let's step back and look in a different direction. Is what they want a reasonable thing to demand? Ask for is one thing. But they're not asking. They're demanding. So on that level - is it reasonable? If not, again - they have the choice not to demand it. You, however, can't supply it if it is going to be detrimental to your life. So the choice remains in their hands.

They're doing a good job of trying to convince you that the choice is in your hands, but the choice they're framing as being in your hands isn't - it's in theirs. Yours is a very different choice.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#14 May 3, 2013
Another note: I put on so much crap on my face just to make it look natural! A better natural that what I have, of course. Getting a nice minimal make-up look as you age gets more and more expensive!

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#15 May 3, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
L1:... Imagine the crap they'll try to pull once you have kids....
I think the already do: from the letter "We have a family to support."

I agree that they should stay as far away as possible from these people.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#16 May 3, 2013
LW1: <gag> What Abby said.

LW2: You could made the point about kindness without having to mention that he "always seemed a little slow and different from the rest of us". You did that just to make yourself seem superior. Hope your arm doesn't hurt from patting yourself on the back.

LW3: Follow Mimi's advice.

I, however, wouldn't be caught dead without lipstick. Seriously, my kids will know to put a little tinted lip balm on me even while I lay in hospice.

I also have to have mascara on, but it is not nearly as vital as lipstick.
not a ghost

San Antonio, TX

#17 May 3, 2013
Or could LW2 be a made up letter based on Paul williams' "Little Bit of Love" song?

“FD&S is no way to be.”

Since: Feb 13

United States

#18 May 3, 2013
1. Live your lives. Do not give in. If your husband takes that job, just think of the manipulation that will follow.

2. Yes, be nice. I really don't think that's such a bad reminder.

3. I think in a professional environment, a basic touch-up is usually appropriate.

“Colorful Beyond Words”

Since: May 11

"Always On The Go "

#19 May 3, 2013
Sam I Am GEAM wrote:
1. Live your lives. Do not give in. If your husband takes that job, just think of the manipulation that will follow.
2. Yes, be nice. I really don't think that's such a bad reminder.
3. I think in a professional environment, a basic touch-up is usually appropriate.
Great answers on all three.:)

“FD&S is no way to be.”

Since: Feb 13

United States

#20 May 3, 2013
Hatti_Hollerand wrote:
<quoted text>Great answers on all three.:)
Thank you. Just be mindful that agreeing with me on anything might put you in the doghouse with certain elite, intellectual members of this forum. Proceed with caution.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#21 May 3, 2013
Sam I Am GEAM wrote:
<quoted text>
Thank you. Just be mindful that agreeing with me on anything might put you in the doghouse with certain elite, intellectual members of this forum. Proceed with caution.
See? I'm telling you, we need that sarcastic font.

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